Internet Dating - a Blog Post by greekphilosopher

Blogs > greekphilosopher > Oh no, not again...

1448 posts
5/10/2017 1:32 pm

Last Read:
2/3/2023 8:02 am

Internet Dating

Internet dating. Millions of us on it. With even more millions of wants, wishes, likes, hates, preferences, kinks and requirements, as we are a diverse crowd. Every denomination of the human body, sought or avoided, and every fold and shade of the mind, from the "normal" to the dark, and back again. Oh bollocks! I wanted to have a serious mood for this post and it is now gone! You get this instead.

Internet dating for men.

I
N eed
T o
E ncounter
R andy
N ymph(s)
E xpecting
T o

D ate
A nd
T o
I nitiate
N aked
G ames

Internet dating for women

I
N eed
T o
E ncounter
R omantic
N ice
E ducated
T errific

D ark
A thletic
T all
I nteresting
N on
G olfer

And some larfs.

SING IT GIRLS!!! OUT LOUD

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those Jeans!

Go on now-go! , Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]

I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
----------

Women are like phones:

They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......
----------

Blonde Men!
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ."
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone.
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first ?" asks the doctor.
"No," he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blond man's goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually makes sense...sort of...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."