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moonfish 51M  
376 posts
7/4/2016 2:01 pm

You are not alone. I once had a couple contact me. I met up with the husband, had a few beers, we got on fine, he asked a lot of questions, everything hunky dory. He sent me pics of his nice looking wife in lots of sexy outfits. He asked me which one should she wear on the night we met. I said they are all sexy, but I chose one. Then he even sent me pics of the expensive hotel suite he was going to book (he was a hot shot lawyer). We agree on everything, and then, all of a sudden, nothing. A few days later their account was cancelled. Some people should see a shrink rather than sign onto this website. I did end up meeting some nice couples, but you do encounter some nutters on the way.

KItkat1415 56F  
19755 posts
7/4/2016 2:46 pm

This happens all the time.
I think most of the time it is the male with a fantasy and then the wife puts a kibosh on it. Sometimes it is the other way around. Couples "think" they are communicating their fantasies and then sometimes, it turns out that one or the other decides that bringing it to reality is just too much for them.

I interview people on their kinks for my blog. It is interesting to note that most of everyone I have interviewed, harbored some unrealistic expectation that I would participate in their kinks, despite my having told them multiple times that I am a journalist and don't write about what I participate in.

Le sigh.
Sometimes *we* think we are being clear, but the other people can't hear what we are saying. Sometimes the other person thinks they are communicating clearly and they aren't. Sometimes the other person is communicating and we are not ready to hear.

I'm sorry that happened to you, but it seems that you did all the right things.

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BrownEyedBBW 50F
8862 posts
7/4/2016 6:01 pm

You encountered several red flags along the way to look for in the future. You also did some things you should never do.

I would drive to them. Nope, never. personally, I won't go further than 30 minutes away but everyone has their limits. In any regard, never go more than 1/2 way for the first couple of meets.

I spent friday and saturday night with some family but made arrangements to be alone sunday so i could get away to meet. This is a little unclear to me. If you were going to be around anyway that's one thing. But, never, ever change plans for a first meet. If things are going to go pear shaped, it's going to be on that first or second meet. No sense changing up your plans. Think about like this, if wifey wants you this weekend, she should want you next weekend. If she' just looking for a dick to fill her up, that means you are dealing with people who aren't very selective who they have sex with so you may dodge a bullet.

They asked some questions over again that I thought we had sorted out. It was almost like I was talking to a different person this time.
And you almost certainly were or they made plans with multiple people (so they could have a couple of back ups in case one fell through). If that happens again you're better off backing out or suggesting meeting in a week or two.

So what happened ? Did they chicken out? Was it just a guy pretending to be a couple? Was it some kind of scammer? I told them I would not get a room until after we met, were they trying to get me to waste money ahead of time on a room then flake out?
There are generally a few reasons why people don't show up. Some of the more common ones are they set up a multiple dates and pick the one they are most interested in, they are scammers or "professionals" (you know what I mean, right). what I think happened here though is that you either had a guy who was trying to set this up as a "surprise" behind his wife's back, she found out and shut him down *or* there was no wife at all.The plan was to meet up with you and give you some lame story ending with, but my wife wants me to check you out first or my wife says she;s on her way but let's get you ready first...".... The guy got caught by his wife and deleted his account. I suspect the "sitter trouble" was a fake out to explain why the wife wasn't there.

So what is my suggestion?

1. Don't make plans to travel a distance or change any plans. If you ar interesting to someone on Monday, you should still be interesting on Friday.

2. Avoid or minimize sex talk before meeting. While it might be fun, there are a bunch of folks who are just looking for pictures or your crank and spank fodder. Once they squirt, you've served your usefulness to them.

3. This is how I cut out no shows. First,I let them know I will be calling them 24 hours in advance to confirm we are still on; not text, IM, exchanging messages, email, over the phone only. Next, If I reach them for the 24 hour confirmation I tell them that they need to call me to confirm 30 minutes beforehand and that if I don't hear from them I assume they are not coming so I won't be there either. Getting that active conformation from them is important. Someone who is not serious, for whatever reason, will almost certainly not make that call.

I hope this helps.

BrownEyedBBW 50F
8862 posts
7/5/2016 10:28 pm

I guess the thing that surprised me the most was that they deactivated the account. They could have easily just used the sitter excuse and how would i know the difference? They could have strung me along for awhile but they panicked and bailed.

When a profile disappears like that it says that it may have been someone who was doing something behind their partner's back and got caught; not an uncommon turn of events here. They didn't close their account just because of you, there's a much bigger story we don't even know there.

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