Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
Outcome Indifferent Mentality
Outcome Indifferent Mentality Confidence is an aphrodisiac. It makes us wet. Like, gushing wet. On the other hand, being needy, clingy, insecure, or desperate is Women Repellent in a Can – spray this stuff on and no one will come near you. While everyone seems to know that confidence is the key to success with women, it doesn’t answer the more fundamental question of "What do confident men do differently than others?" Confident men are not overly concerned about success or failure. Truly confident men can walk away from something if it isn’t what they want without looking back. Ideally, however, you’d like to convey that before it ever becomes necessary to actually play that card. So it can be a tricky skill to master. Confident men carry an aura around them of indifference. Think about it. If a guy truly has many attractive women he could call up and any given moment, is he really going to be losing sleep over his success or failure with little ol’ me? No. If he fails with me, or I blow him off, he’ll just move on fully confident he’ll be successful with the next person and never even give me another thought – hence his indifference. The opposite of Outcome Indifference would be the Outcome Obsession, which goes something like this... You meet someone you click with and you really like … ... naturally, the more you want it ... ... the more it means to you ... ... ... so the harder you try ... ... ... ... meaning that you're agonizing and fretting ... ... ... ... ... leading to displaying insecure and clingy tendencies ... ... ... ... ... ... the less likely it is to actually happen! The more you want it, the more elusive it becomes. This is the furthest thing from confidence. Being overly concerned about the outcome actually hurts your chances. So here’s how to exude that certain indifference that confident men have. Know when to bail, and how to bail Not bailing on the person altogether, merely that one individual conversation. Outcome Obsessed people will NEVER end a conversation. They simply won’t. What often happens is that they finally finagle their way into an exciting conversation, but as it starts running out of gas, they just can’t bring themselves to end it. So they string it along far, far longer than they should. As it gets more and more boring, I get more and more disinterested … yet the conversation just won’t stop. They will drag that conversation on all friggin day. This is very uncomfortable for women, and threatens to strain all the goodwill you’ve just built up. Men want exciting conversations too. So if you’re not getting it, walk away! Outcome Indifferent Men (aka Confident Men) don’t force a bad conversation. They don't linger in boring ones. Better to leave too early than too late. If you start getting the sense that the conversation is ebbing away, better to leave on a high note than to try to bring it back and ruin all the goodwill you’ve established. The technique is crazy simple: If the pace of the conversation is languishing, just let it languish. You don’t need an awkward excuse to leave. Drawing attention to the fact that the conversation is slowing down only makes it worse. Don’t do that. You think she doesn’t know how the conversation is going? Just stop responding if there’s nothing left to respond to. Better yet, say nothing for an hour, then come back with “Just finished watching the season finale of ...whatever..., you gotta see what happens! EPIC!” It gives her an opening to come back in, and shows you aren’t uncomfortable just because there was a little bit of silence, and suggests that you weren’t just sitting there dumbly. Inventing contrived excuses to leave also works, just be aware that it comes with a very specific caveat. Far too often, the minute you say “I have to go” the floodgates of conversation suddenly open again. Once you say you’re leaving, you have to leave. Anything less demonstrates an obsession with keeping her attention. Outcome Indifference doesn’t panic that a conversation is running out of gas. There will be other days, other conversations. Not every conversation has to knock it out of the park. Match her pacing This applies more when you get to the level of texting. It is probably the single most important skill I'll ever advocate, and it is crazy easy to master. If she’s responding in real time, you respond in real time. If she’s taking minutes to respond, you’re going to take minutes If it takes her two hours to respond ... I’m seriously not kidding here ... not a single word in response in anything less than 1 hour and 59 minutes. Make her wait! This is a HUGE mistake nearly all men make. If it is taking her hours to respond, yet you respond instantaneously, you’re clearly Outcome Obsessed. It concedes too much power to her. She knows she can walk all over you, and you’ll still lap it up like a cat to cream. Better to signal that she’s no more important to you as you are to her. Outcome Indifferent people are able to let the silence hang without fear that she’ll move along. Seriously guys, if you pick nothing else up from this blog, learn this one technique. It takes exactly zero time to master. No special verbal skills needed. She’ll never even realize you’re doing it – on her end, it’ll feel...oddly comfortable. Confident men put their phones down. Even if you’re doing nothing, the last thing you want to signal to a potential partner is that you’re sitting on the couch staring at your phone trying to induce a woman to text you through sheer force of will. Signal that you go out and have a life, not by saying it verbally, but by not being quite so readily available. Brush off her attempts to judge you or shame you She’s the Queen of a Thousand Subjects. She’s going to try to treat you like any other of her peons and see if you take the bait. Peons will take any abuse she throws at them, no matter how rude, abrasive, or demeaning. Not you though. You’re going to handle this like a King. Don’t apologize or make excuses for who you are or what you want. Own it. You are neither going to retreat into your shell like a frightened turtle (by apologizing or feeling ashamed), nor are you going to pound your chest in false bravado like a gorilla (by defending yourself or explaining your actions or desires). At some point she’s going to ask you questions that will make you sweat. For example, she might test in such ways as … Are you a loser who can’t get laid? Are you ashamed of being here? Does it embarrass you that you’re horny? Women do this in varying degrees of self-awareness. Sometimes it is totally and completely calculated on my part. Other times I do it unconsciously. Yet other times I know I’m doing it, don’t want to do it, and somehow can’t stop myself. When I do this to men, they almost immediately hide like a turtle and apologize for approaching me. They start making claims that, while others may be looking for sex, they are somehow above that. BUZZ. Nope, wrong answer, thanks for playing. Not only do I not buy it, but if it were true, then what the hell are you doing on a sex site? Don’t apologize for wanting sex and being on a sex site to get it, that’s what it’s for. Don’t change what you’re looking for because I gave you the slightest bit of resistance. Other men don’t deny it, they acknowledge they’re looking for sex, but they invariably explain why they’re looking for sex. BUZZ. Wrong again. Thanks for playing, there’s consolation prizes by the door. If you have to explain yourself, then you’re conceding the fact that she’s the Queen of a Thousand Subjects and you owe her a response when she demands one – like a peasant. So what to do when she corners you in such a way? There are several techniques you can employ. Some of the easier one are Agree and Amplify (by taking things to absurd levels, it keeps the conversation fun and playful, while also subtly trivializing her question) as well as Just Ignore It And Keep It Moving (respond in such a way as to not address the actual question, or address other parts of what she said instead, or just change the subject entirely). Other techniques such as Throw It Back On Her might take a little verbal aptitude, not recommended quite yet. Putting it all together I love concrete examples. So getting it out of the theoretical, here’s some stuff to sink your teeth into: (from a male account, middle aged, no pic, vague profile – every disadvantage I could think of … after making getting a conversation sufficiently advanced where I felt confident enough to make an overt pass at her) Her: Wow, you’re in a mood tonight, horny much? Attempt at judging and shaming me Him: It’s the company I keep Brushed it off without an apology or explanation Her: Better watch some porn then Him: Boys watch porn and fantasize to imitation sex, men go out and get what they want and enjoy the real thing Her: I’m not that easy Him: Nothing worthwhile is ever easy This comes awfully close to a compliment without actually giving it Her: I bet you say that to all the girls Warning: She’s challenging me with a shit test. Several possible options to go with, in this case, I’m opting for ignoring it. Him: You like cheesecake? Brushed off her question. Not catering to her demands on where the conversation goes at all times. Her: Haha, trying to get me fat? She’s challenging me again, but much more playfully than before, very good sign Him: Maybe, no man has ever complained about a nice round ass. How does your ass look in jeans? Asks her to qualify herself, it plays the game right back at her, yet keeps it playful Her: Not as good as it looks out of them (winky face emoji) And there you have it, success! Him: There’s a diner on Central Ave that has cheesecake, they’re open 24 hours Her: Not tonight babe. Honestly, I’m too tired to go out This was the most likely response. The expectation wasn’t that she’d accept, but rather was to induce a favorable reaction, which would make the next attempt that much easier. Him: Next time I’ll come get you sooner in the evening. Rest up. I’ll catch up with you in the morning. Notice how it was not her who is choosing to end the conversation. Accepted the rejection with dignity and not groveling like a whiny bitch. Act like you know there will be other chances. Her: Goodnight Hang out on the site another half an hour before signing off. Sends a clear and unambiguous signal that (1) I see you there (2) I’m not ashamed of what I want (3) I’m not getting it from you (4) I’ll get it elsewhere. I know how wrong that sounds. The ‘I’ll get it elsewhere’ attitude sounds less than flattering. But we’re adults here. For me, if I don’t get what I’m looking for in a guy, I’m going to move on. He has that same right! The alternative is to grovel pathetically at my feet and say “No, you’re the only one I want, if I don’t have you I don’t want anyone else” …. please … no woman respects this type of man. That establishes yourself firmly as a peon playing into her Queen of a Thousand Subjects. You’ll never seduce her by being best peon of all time. Queens don’t want more peons, they want a King! I challenge all women to tell me you wouldn’t die to be having more conversations like that. You want to know what I’m looking for on this site? The above example is it in a nutshell. Just the thought of a conversation like that makes me wet. An example about pacing: Some context here. Ongoing for about a week prior was me saying Good Morning and not getting a response until something like 3:00 in the afternoon – if I even got a response at all. Even at that point, I couldn’t keep the conversation alive for more than a few lines before she got “busy” again (which I conclude was disinterest, though she would claim otherwise). I recognized that I was being Outcome Obsessed. I was coming across as needy and thus I was repelling her. Yes, even people that write this stuff are prone to displaying it She decided what to talk about, when to talk about it, and how long to talk about it – and that ended up being Nothing, Rarely, and Only a Few Lines at a Time. I was giving her all the power. If I was to keep her interested, I had to change that dynamic. The solution? Shift my mentality to Outcome Indifference. Me: Haven’t heard from you in a bit, everything alright? Her: Yeah, just been busy Me: How’d the doctor appointments go? Her: Went alright, just the yearly womanly stuff Me: Great. I’m off to the gym, just wanted to check in and make sure all is well. I’ll be around later if you need to talk. Otherwise get some rest Me: I appreciate it. Have have fun at the gym So I hit her with a few lines, scored a few points for expressing concern and sympathy, then bolted out of the conversation. Notice how I didn’t wait to see if she wanted to talk before running out. If she wanted to talk, she’d have to wait. I simply stopped being an insecure peon and started acting like a King. She didn’t come back that night. But in short order her responses gradually became faster. Days turned into hours. Hours turned into minutes. Remember, this works because it feels oddly comfortable to her. I learned to speak in short, clipped conversations. Open up conversation with “Did you hear what Trump just said about…” Or “You gotta listen to this podcast, it’s called ...whatever..., Find episode 102, it’ll blow your mind” Follow with a few follow up lines, then bolt. Just keep repeating until she starts guiding the conversation into increasingly longer exchanges. Indifference is that certain je ne sais quoi that projects confidence. The more goal directed you are towards meeting, the more you’ll inadvertently sabotage your efforts. Don’t force a bad hand. Play it cool. Ultimately, the indifference translates to a feeling that you’re in charge. That is exactly the confidence you want to portray, and the means by which it gets portrayed. |
||||
|
I like your writing style. I read all your advice posts, even though I don't chat online. The last time I played in rooms for any length of time was in the 1990's on AOL. Even so, if I were to go into rooms these days I would feel well armed and ready after reading all your advice. Blog on
| |||
2/21/2017 10:09 am |
Well written with great examples~! I have been participating in IM sexting for years now and pretty much EVERYTHING in this article is spot on~! I remember the time I talked a woman into putting her phone on vibrate while we chatted in real time and I dialed her up while chatting. She would signal when the vibrations would stop and I would hit redial while chatting about how deep my tongue was into her pussy. She came so hard (she says) that she passed out. Any way thanks for the info~! If you are in the neighborhood and want to read some of my "histories" stop in at my blog. INTO THE WOODS (erotic Stories) and I'll entertain you. Jimmy B. My blog JimmyB7474 is called Into The Woods (erotica) entertaining stories about a guy named Jimmy. Enjoy.
| |||
|
VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2017 11:32 am: The thing is, I'm not even getting guys faking it. If they're trying to fake it, it is so bad that I'm not even recognizing it as an attempt at false-confidence. I'd love to be on the receiving end of these conversations for a change. But that's just not happening. Guys can't even fake it. In fact, I don't think they're trying at all. To give any specific input I would have to see what you are receiving. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
| |||
|
I believe a lot of people talk the confident talk but aren't really. The Outcome Indifferent Mentality is a significant part of actual confidence IMO. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
| |||
|
Author Notes: There’s actually a fair amount written about this elsewhere on the internet. As a woman, it was rather eye opening to have revealed what that certain je ne sais quoi actually was. At first, I resisted it. ‘Indifference’ just sounds wrong. When I put it to the test experimentally, making a male account and seeing if these techniques work, it was unreal how effective it was … no pic, vague profile, married man – everything you can do wrong on a site such as this – yet I still managed to get a TON of women talking to me. So I’d like to hear from women also, what is your reaction to this? Do you find it offensive? Demeaning? Wasn’t what you were expecting? Do you fear that it is manipulative? For the men, I didn’t get a chance to address this subject (perhaps in a future post), but I hope you don’t feel that I am somehow advocating being someone other than who you are. I hope it comes across as a better way to frame you as opposed to changing you. You can still be the nice guy, the intelligent and thoughtful guy, the wise-cracking jokester, or whatever. What I want to change is your approach, not your fundamental personality. And, of course, please give feedback if it isn’t as clear to you as it is to me. I’m not made of glass, criticism is appreciated.
|
Become a member to create a blog