Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
Play the numbers game
Play the numbers game This is more than just advocating the Law of Large Numbers thinking that if you chat up enough women, you’re bound to be successful with one of them. While there may be some truth to that, it will have only limited success at best. Instead, I am advocating other reasons for this. I can feel it when I’m the only person you’re talking to I hope through repetition a few things stick. Among them is this: Women are repelled by needy, clingy, insecure, and desperate people. If I’m the only person you’re talking to, how long before you start projecting onto me everything you’re hoping to get here? How long before you start viewing me as the most amazingly awesome person ever … whether I earn that distinction or not? I can’t have all the hopes and promises of the site heaped onto my back. That’s not fair to me. There is no scenario where that doesn’t end badly for all involved. When you’re talking to only one woman, you develop “beer goggles.” Women who are 3’s start looking like 7 or 8’s. This sets up a dynamic that is almost sure to result in someone ghosting you. There’s just too much pressure. It’s a weird dynamic that’s going to feel even more weird in person. Do you really think a woman doesn’t know her own self-worth? She knows you're doing that to her, and it only hurts her more. And you’re matching her pacing, remember? The best advice I’ve ever given here is the hardest to follow … which is to Match Her Pacing. If she’s talking in real time, you’re free to talk in real time. If it is taking her minutes to respond, you take minutes. If it took her a day and a half to respond … damn, that’s a long time to wait. Most guys just can’t bring themselves to do that. That’s why you have to have other women you can be talking to. It makes it a whole lot easier to wait out that day or so. Targeted approach never works I only even mention this because I see this a lot in advice columns. Completely disregard this. I have a ton to say about profiles and how they’re all BS. I’ll save you all my ranting and simply sum up with the words “They’re near worthless.” While they may give you a factoid or two about the person, I have yet to see one that really determined the most basic fundamental question – will I like this person? You can wait for a woman to come along with the perfect profile, the perfect distance away, is looking for exactly what you’re looking for, and is into you as much as you’re into her. How’s that worked out for you so far? Thought so. So why pass up the chance to get to know some of these amazing ladies based on advice that spurious on its surface? You just never know How many times has Mrs. Awesome McAwesomeness turned out to be bat-shit crazy and who’s far more trouble than she’s worth? “Bitches be crazy!” Conversely, how many times has Plain Jane turned out to be exactly the slutty freak you were hoping to encounter once the conversation opened up? She doesn’t just show that side of herself to just anyone. Keep your options open. You just never know when a random conversation takes a good turn and the floodgates open. Uninteresting people suddenly let you into their unusual rich inner world. How would you have known to go there? You don’t. It’s just stumbling around trying to find the right combination of right person with right time with right conversation until serendipity finally strikes. You can’t predict that stuff. But the more you get around, the greater the chances of stumbling into just that. Things change. And they can change quickly. Practice! It is amazing how quickly these skills can atrophy. Keep doing it if only to keep your skills sharp. You can’t wait to start putting these skills to good use after you’ve seen someone you really want to get to know. They better be in place already. Nor can they be learned overnight. It isn’t simply about what “works,” that can change from person to person, it is also about what you personally feel comfortable with. You shouldn’t be changing who you are to talk to someone. Your goal is to improve the presentation of yourself. You can’t just copy what other people do. You gotta figure it out for yourself. That takes a ton of trial and error. So put the effort into it. Because you’re not looking for a girlfriend … and neither do I want to be your girlfriend Guys, we all know what this site is about. It is a hookup site. Don’t feel ashamed about using it for that purpose, that’s what it’s here for. I mean, don’t televise that you’re talking to other women – it’s no one else’s business who you’re talking to, and it would be classless to ever bring it up – but you’re not my bf. That’s not your job. That’s not your role. If that’s what a girl is looking for here, that’s on her to understand it is an unrealistic expectation. You’re free to pursue anyone you want here without judgment. Make me feel special by having exciting conversations, not by dedicating yourself to me under some misguided expectation that you should be exclusive to me. I’m expecting that you’re talking to others. If not, then I become the de facto girlfriend by default. Even if you just so happen not to have any leads with women at the moment, start developing them. At least continue to put out feelers. How long can two people be exclusive with each other, regardless of the reason, before one of the two starts wanting a bf/gf relationship? That is a BAD situation considering how it started. Someone is really going to get emotionally hurt if that starts developing. There’s a reason why the adage goes “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” It is wisdom that works. It may not be the most flattering thing for women (though it’s not as if you’re advertising it). It may even make you feel like a “player.” But those two things are non-issues. You’re both here on a hookup site. Both of you have to be adults and accept that. |
||||
|
Thanks for the honesty and sound advice. I only wish I found your blog sooner. But then again I learn most and learn best from the school of hard knocks, tuition is such abargin. Still bravo. Following " The answer is there. But there is not a fixed position" my blog
| |||
|
I am going to go erase my profile right now. Using more than all the road!
| |||
|
"If that’s what a girl is looking for here, that’s on her to understand it is an unrealistic expectation." I'd have to change this to read "that's on her to make that clear not just on her profile but within the first conversation." I don't think it's an unrealistic expectation to look for a boy/girlfriend on this site (which is actually many sites all sharing the "friend" banner, not solely for swingers or fuckbuddy seekers) but it's unrealistic to pose as looking for NSA if they are. A FF doesn't make it clear that other, less "get laid tonight or your money back" type sites are lumped into the same pool.
| |||
|
It is good post. You made some very good points. Dating on any site is hard. Most all profiles are BS. Some can't describe themselves correctly. Others, they are writing what they want to you to read. Different kind bait catchs different fish. I hold my expectations low when meeting first time. 99% of time, it is correct. Being a online dating for 11 yrs, I could write a book. I just want to find the one who is happy. Remove myself from this crazy world. This is very hard work. Cum to my blog and respond. Have a great kissing fun time.
| |||
|
This seems to go counter to the prevailing wisdom for some reason, hence my thinking about it
|
Become a member to create a blog