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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
The Effects of Porn On Your Ability to Get Laid; AKA "You'll Go Blind You Filthy Bastard!"
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The Effects of Porn On Your Ability to Get Laid; AKA "You'll Go Blind You Filthy Bastard!" This site isn’t a choice of real sex OR porn. It is offering real sex AND porn. Unfortunately, those two things are opposing each other, not complimenting each other. And this is all to our collective detriment. Yes, yes, I know. We were all indoctrinated into believing porn is harmless. There are innumerable studies to that effect that you can point to. However, those studies were all done in the 60’s and the 70’s … 50 damn ago! Do you really think that’s still applicable today? A lot has changed since then. The amount. The type. The ease of access compared to before. The age of first exposure (shockingly young, enough to make even the most liberal minded among us feel uncomfortable). These days, boys are masturbating to a dozen open windows of videos, looking for exactly the right thing that’s going to get them off. Porn, by itself, isn’t enough anymore. A hot scene, also, isn’t enough. They don’t have the patience to get through the scene. It has to be the exact stimulation they’re looking for within the scene, no matter how unorthodox or unrealistic. The problem there is that meeting a real woman for real sex can never be instant gratification. It takes time to talk and cultivate that relationship. It takes witty banter. It takes intriguing conversation. It takes sensitivity to circumstances and situations to create a level of comfort and trust. That takes time. On top of which, the sex act itself isn’t anything like porn. It isn’t as intense (nor do I want it to be), and has more...how do I phrase this?...unpleasantness...associated with it. Come on, we’re trading bodily fluids, it’s dirty and messy, it has sights, sounds, and smells that can never be confused for “erotic.” I don’t to change positions every 10 seconds. The whole routine of oral-vaginal-anal followed by cumming on her face cycle needs to be scrapped entirely. Real people just don’t have sex like that. Hell, real sex has more HAIR than porn will ever portray. Guys are a little too focused on giving a woman a screaming orgasm that can be heard by astronauts in orbit. Don’t get me wrong, those are always fun, but that’s not quite what makes a sex session great. I want to have a good time. I want to laugh. It should be fun and look like fun. It shouldn’t look like you’re doing an SAT prep course. Relax a bit. Stop doing that weird lip biting thing. A guy looking that serious will not be invited back for a second audition. Seriously dude, loosen the hell up! But if we’ve never cultivated that aspect of things, if we’ve never made laughing a priority, then it’s not going to magically happen now simply because we’re now naked together. Sure, even mediocre real sex beats the best porn you’ll ever find. But porn is low effort. It takes no real investment in time, money, or energy. It is guaranteed to give you exactly what you want. Meanwhile, real sex is high effort. There’s a huge investment in time. There’s a financial aspect to consider (it’s really hard for it to be completely free). You have to bring your A-Game in terms of personality and charisma. Porn is comfortable. Porn is a known quantity, you know exactly what you’re going to get. Porn is a guaranteed orgasm. Real sex has none of that. First-time sexual encounters are anxiety ridden experiences. It’s all fumbling and awkwardness. Orgasms aren’t guaranteed. If anything goes wrong, that’s shame on a deeply personal level that is witnessed by another person – that’s hella anxiety! Whenever the Effort to Reward ratio gets too high, porn eventually wins the day. This is exactly reflected in my online conversations – Low Effort. Guys seem unable to carry a conversation without bringing it immediately to sex. They don’t do this consciously or even deliberately. But what other outcome is possible when the instant gratification of porn is the alternative? Either the woman they’re talking to accept immediate graphic sex chat, or guys will instinctively default to porn to fill that desire. So I'm stuck competing with porn. The whole process of attracting a woman, instead of being part of the fun, is instead viewed as cumbersome chore. Like watching a video and skipping to just-the-right part, the whole process of a sexual encounter wants to be skipped to get to the “good” part. There’s no “thrill of the hunt” anymore. There’s nothing in between the initial Hello and the money Shot. That’s enticing to absolutely no one! Even with NSA/FWB/whatever-you-want-to--it, there’s still some degree of relationship there. You know each other somehow. Presumably you talk about stuff together. The more your online approach to women takes the form of porn, the less meaningful those relationships are. When the relationship is weak, the sex suffers. If you don’t intrigue me, why would I ever want to see you? (and don’t say because you’ll service me orally as if that’s some rare unicorn, that's just proving my point) The thing is, I think guys want this too. They’re not getting from the relationship what they’re looking for, but they don’t know why. They’re blaming all the wrong things. They’re blaming it on women being “uppity bitches,” they’re blaming it on women wanting clownishly large genitalia, they’re blaming it on some mystical something else. It’s not something else. It’s the porn. |
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4/28/2020 7:24 am |
- My personal observation is that people tend to hide behind the veil that is literally a screen of some kind, be it computer, or cell phone; when people play like their the Wizard of Oz behind the scenes, it's easier to portray whomever you want to be. I find a majority of people can be a charming sort, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it, in order to engage the interested party into more. And as human beings, we all long for a mental stimulus, of being our brain being made love to that will keep the candles burning well into the next chat. The trick is, how well can one carry the art of the conversation from what takes place online to say, in a public setting when the object of your wants and desires happens to be right in front of you? Addendum: I'm not going into a whole segment about the reasons people "flake" because that, on it's own, requires a whole other post. This is the balance you were mentioning in your post, meeting in the middle - a guy needs to tone down their constant need for arousal and couple that with engaging and raising a woman's desires to a matching point. Most often than not, men fail miserably at conveying even the most erotic of notions in a manner that is subtle and imaginative. Usually, the mindset of a guy is skipping forward on all the dialogue in porn and simply get to the parts that will basically get him off, forgetting that along this travel towards sensual understanding is also a woman in need or at least looking for direction with an understanding and giving partner. We are in an unprecedented situation, of being safe at home and left mostly to our devices. I think men can help themselves this way with focusing less on the nature of porn and keeping themselves busy in way that test not only their physical capacities, but their mental strengths as well. And this isn't going to happen overnight - there are millennia of the way men have always thought and acted, but times have changed; it's about time men themselves change as well. At least for the betterment of sex itself.
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I STILL LOVE YOUR BLOGS!! I haven't been in the blogs for quite some time, but I have given out directions to your blogs, as we discussed long ago, to help guys get the idea of what this site is really like. Kudos to you for still being on top of the game!!
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No matter how loudly anyone screams the astronauts won't hear it - sounds waves and vacuums and all that Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Well we certainly know why every guy from 16 to 32 are going after the older ladies.Porn We all know everyone is after sex.This site tends to take a hell of a lot of the intrigue and well intended effort out of it. . Effort becomes rather futile when those you contact are for the most part faceless and are always in a perpetual state of inconstancy. What influence has 90% of profiles looking for a well hung adonis .Porn! Using more than all the road!
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Porn is just an easy out. Sooo much more worth the effort to find an actual person.
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Enjoyed reading this. As I read the paragraph about sex itself I had to smile because I said many of the same things to a man from Meelp on Saturday. And yet we want it. Thank goodness; none of us would be here otherwise.
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I agree 100% with what you said. Thank you for posting a blog that's worthy of reading. I look forward to seeing the onslaught of comments! (Especially Heathen's)
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And I didn't even get into the fact that not watching porn will probably give men the needed motivation to get off their lazy asses and put the necessary work into it.
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