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WTF Friday night.  

SilyconBond 55M
193 posts
8/2/2020 2:10 pm

Last Read:
8/5/2020 3:54 pm

WTF Friday night.


Man, this COVID thing.

I could eat at Dairy Queen or shop at Walmart. The police have shut down the parks for some reason. Starbucks is only serving drive-thru. I tried Walmart, usually my favorite place shop since I feel like I am the most attractive person walking through there most times. I just couldn’t get into watching the two ah…ladies?...they looked semi female…arguing over an ice cooler. Who cares that it is the last red one? Jeeze.

An hour there and all I bought was an elbow wrap. Literally nobody I wanted to talk to. It happens, but it bores me. Headed home, and didn’t want to go online. Looked at my bike, the one I hadn’t ridden in a year. It’s got two flat tires, needs new inner tubes…you know, the kind you buy at Walmart. Fuck. It would have been a rather nice time to ride and I was in the mood.

I guessed..didn’t like the idea..but it beat watching TV…go for a walk around the neighborhood. Dun, dun, dun. (It's always a last-ditch effort to do something.)
Water restrictions have been tightened from watering our lawn from twice to once a week now. All the grass in the neighborhood looks half dead. Once a week will kill it all. I wanted to just replace my lawn with astro-turf but my HOA won’t allow it. They won’t allow you to replace the grass with just rocks either. I hate their “policies” and this dead look all around the neighborhood.

I got half a block. Two twenty-something boys (Men are boys to me when twenty or more years younger) were sitting on their front porch drinking beer. They waved. My God…someone to talk to. I could barely curb my enthusiasm as I approached them. Neither of them was wearing a mask and I wasn’t. It appeared they didn’t care that I wasn’t. Please infect me I thought. Damn it, no luck.

We chatted, bars are closed, nothing to for them to do on a Friday night. I laughed at that, these guys, haven’t really been successful in social circles. I remember those days, twenty-four, and socially inept. They tried to get me to drink a beer, I refused.

Then their neighbor, an elderly lady waved from the sidewalk as she walked her dog. I told the tallest, “You should get to know her better, her granddaughter is a network administrator like you.”

“How old is her g*********?” He asked.
“Twenty four and she’s pretty,” I said.
“What about me?” The shorter asked. “I need a girlfriend too.” He asked.
“Don’t you guys meet girls online? Isn’t that what everybody does these days.” I asked.
“Dude, we could spend all night talking to women, and not a one would come over.” The taller said.
“Maybe start with your neighbor. Grow your network. Women talk to one another. If you make friends with one, and she likes you, she will pass you to her friend if she has one and she is not available. I see it all the time.”
“Like you, with those two women down the street.” The taller said.
“Yeah, are you having sex with both of them? We see you coming from their house a lot.” The shorter asked.
“I fix their shit when it breaks, besides those two are lesbians. I’m not having sex with them” I said. (Don’t need that rumor so close to home, if was true that's different.)
“You flirt with them a lot.” The taller said.
“Was doing it before I even found out they were married. Besides its fun to push limits with those two. They would be good practice for you guys.” I said.
“Practice?” The taller said.
“With your social skills. You should practice on everyone.” I said.
“We talk to you.” The shorter said.
“No…you waved. I approached you. Then I transitioned into talking about the lawn, then your beer. I kept the conversation going. You guys would just let topics sit and die. I brought up the granddaughter. If you really wanted practice you would have walked the sidewalk to greet me.” I said.
“We wave to people as they come by.” The taller said.
“You filter people. Besides who besides me has made the effort to come up to your porch? People are inherently lazy, wave all day and I bet none besides me comes to your porch. I approached you. The only reason I am talking to you now is that I was bored and thought talking to you guys would bring me out of it. Now, what value can you offer me to stay here?” I asked.
“We offered you a beer.” The taller said.
“I don’t drink beer. I like hard liquors when I drink.” I said.
“We have whiskey.” The shorter said.
“Ok, more interested. What can I offer you in return for a shot of whiskey?” I asked.

The negotiations went pretty good. We moved inside, and conversations blossomed. I kept pulling things they<b> owned </font></b>into conversations. “Where did you get this from?” and “Is there a story behind this picture? Who are these girls?” I questioned and questioned. Letting them talk about themselves and their house. I really enjoyed it.

I noticed they only had two DVD movies next to the TV, one of them, “Fight Club.” On my second shot, I told them I hadn’t seen it. Which brought a new round of argument on how that was the best movie ever. On my third shot, the movie was started. They wanted to convince me, so I let them.

You know it had been almost a year since my last taste of whiskey. Not sure what we talked about during the movie, but they laughed during the first fifteen minutes. Round four, I fell asleep on their couch. Their blue healer laying on my chest.

I woke a couple hours later. The DVD was cycling the previews over and over. I wasn’t sure how far I got into the movie. The shorter one was crashed on the floor, the taller asleep at the other end of the couch. When I moved, the got off me and went and curled up with the taller one on the couch. Despite them being UT Austin Longhorn fans, they are good boys and more important good neighbors.

The whiskey bottle was empty. My G**, it was a huge bottle. I wondered how many beers they had before they finished it off. The just looked at me as I perused their kitchen. Was trying to think of a prank to pull on them. Put their underwear in the freezer? Switch the salt shaker with ? Maybe put some cayenne pepper in the pepper shaker?

I couldn’t really think of anything until I opened the fridge. Hmmm… A dozen eggs…I’ll only need two…

I placed one egg in each of their hands as they slept. Probably a failed prank, but it gave me a laugh as I left out the front door. At least they would have something talk about later. I had these pretend conversations going on in my own head, which made me laugh louder on my walk home.

It was a nice Friday night for me after all.

SilyconBond 55M
148 posts
8/2/2020 2:10 pm

Man, this COVID thing.

I could eat at Dairy Queen or shop at Walmart. The police have shut down the parks for some reason. Starbucks is only serving drive-thru. I tried Walmart, usually my favorite place to shop since I feel like I am the most attractive person walking through there most times. I just couldn’t get into watching the two ah…ladies?...they looked semi female…arguing over an ice cooler. Who cares that it is the last red one? Jeeze.

An hour there and all I bought was an elbow wrap. Literally nobody I wanted to talk to. It happens, but it bores me. Headed home, and didn’t want to go online. Looked at my bike, the one I hadn’t ridden in a year. It’s got two flat tires, needs new inner tubes…you know, the kind you buy at Walmart. Fuck. It would have been a rather nice time to ride and I was in the mood.

I guessed..didn’t like the idea..but it beat watching TV…go for a walk around the neighborhood. Dun, dun, dun. (It's always a last-ditch effort to do something.)
Water restrictions have been tightened from watering our lawn from twice to once a week now. All the grass in the neighborhood looks half dead. Once a week will kill it all. I wanted to just replace my lawn with astro-turf but my HOA won’t allow it. They won’t allow you to replace the grass with just rocks either. I hate their “policies” and this dead look all around the neighborhood.

I got half a block. Two twenty-something boys (Men are boys to me when twenty or more years younger) were sitting on their front porch drinking beer. They waved. My God…someone to talk to. I could barely curb my enthusiasm as I approached them. Neither of them was wearing a mask and I wasn’t. It appeared they didn’t care that I wasn’t. Please infect me I thought. Damn it, no luck.

We chatted, bars are closed, nothing to for them to do on a Friday night. I laughed at that, these guys, haven’t really been successful in social circles. I remember those days, twenty-four, and socially inept. They tried to get me to drink a beer, I refused.

Then their neighbor, an elderly lady waved from the sidewalk as she walked her dog. I told the tallest, “You should get to know her better, her granddaughter is a network administrator like you.”

“How old is her granddaughter?” He asked.
“Twenty four and she’s pretty,” I said.
“What about me?” The shorter asked. “I need a girlfriend too.” He asked.
“Don’t you guys meet girls online? Isn’t that what everybody does these days.” I asked.
“Dude, we could spend all night talking to girls, and not a one would come over.” The taller said.
“Maybe start with your neighbor. Grow your network. Girls talk to one another. If you make friends with one, and she likes you, she will pass you to her friend if she has one and she is not available. I see it all the time.”
“Like you, with those two women down the street.” The taller said.
“Yeah, are you having sex with both of them? We see you coming from their house a lot.” The shorter asked.
“I fix their shit when it breaks, besides those two are lesbians. I’m not having sex with them” I said. (Don’t need that rumor so close to home)
“You flirt with them a lot.” The taller said.
“Was doing it before I even found out they were married. Besides its fun to push limits with those two. They would be good practice for you guys.” I said.
“Practice?” The taller said.
“With your social skills. You should practice on everyone.” I said.
“We talk to you.” The shorter said.
“No…you waved. I approached you. Then I transitioned into talking about the lawn, then your beer. I kept the conversation going. You guys would just let topics sit and die. I brought up the granddaughter. If you really wanted practice you would have walked the sidewalk to greet me.” I said.
“We wave to people as they come by.” The taller said.
“You filter people. Besides who besides me has made the effort to come up to your porch? People are inherently lazy, wave all day and I bet none besides me comes to your porch. I approached you. The only reason I am talking to you now is that I was bored and thought talking to you guys would bring me out of it. Now, what value can you offer me to stay here?” I asked.
“We offered you a beer.” The taller said.
“I don’t drink beer. I like hard liquors when I drink.” I said.
“We have whiskey.” The shorter said.
“Ok, more interested. What can I offer you in return for a shot of whiskey?” I asked.

The negotiations went pretty good. We moved inside, and conversations blossomed. I kept pulling things they owned into conversations. “Where did you get this from?” and “Is there a story behind this picture? Who are these girls?” I questioned and questioned. Letting them talk about themselves and their house. I really enjoyed it.

I noticed they only had two DVD movies next to the TV, one of them, “Fight Club.” On my second shot, I told them I hadn’t seen it. Which brought a new round of argument on how that was the best movie ever. On my third shot, the movie was started. They wanted to convince me, so I let them.

You know it had been almost a year since my last taste of whiskey. Not sure what we talked about during the movie, but they laughed during the first fifteen minutes. Round four, I fell asleep on their couch. Their blue healer dog laying on my chest.

I woke a couple hours later. The DVD was cycling the previews over and over. I wasn’t sure how far I got into the movie. The shorter one was crashed on the floor, the taller asleep at the other end of the couch. When I moved, the dog got off me and went and curled up with the taller one on the couch. Despite them being UT Austin Longhorn fans, they are good boys and more important good neighbors.

The whiskey bottle was empty. My God, it was a huge bottle. I wondered how many beers they had before they finished it off. The dog just looked at me as I perused their kitchen. Was trying to think of a prank to pull on them. Put their underwear in the freezer? Switch the salt shaker with sugar? Maybe put some cayenne pepper in the pepper shaker?

I couldn’t really think of anything until I opened the fridge. Hmmm… A dozen eggs…I’ll only need two…

I placed one egg in each of their hands as they slept. Probably a failed prank, but it gave me a laugh as I left out the front door. At least they would have something to talk about later. I had these pretend conversations going on in my own head, which made me laugh louder on my walk home.

It was a nice Friday night for me after all.


mufdiver69er2 63M  
1953 posts
8/2/2020 5:06 pm

dateline 14 days later...dit da dit da..after having a fever our hero calls the doctor and is advised to come in for a test.with a temp of 100 deg and the loss of taste c-19 tests ordered.results are positive with a twist..he got it from the dog..while recuperating in the c-ward,news comes that the two students are now banging the two lesbians and so the students have now overdone the teacher...as the man said....reality..whatta concept..shaken..not stirred..

woop woop


SilyconBond 55M
148 posts
8/2/2020 7:06 pm

    Quoting mufdiver69er2:
    dateline 14 days later...dit da dit da..after having a fever our hero calls the doctor and is advised to come in for a test.with a temp of 100 deg and the loss of taste c-19 tests ordered.results are positive with a twist..he got it from the dog..while recuperating in the c-ward,news comes that the two students are now banging the two lesbians and so the students have now overdone the teacher...as the man said....reality..whatta concept..shaken..not stirred..
I just want to catch it already...Thank you for the comment.

I like the idea of a 14 day later followup.

Some people you can't teach there is a better way. Most are stuck in their own pattern recognition lock. I certainly am most of the time. I need a better teacher, can you be one for me?


mufdiver69er2 63M  
1953 posts
8/3/2020 2:40 am

    Quoting SilyconBond:
    I just want to catch it already...Thank you for the comment.

    I like the idea of a 14 day later followup.

    Some people you can't teach there is a better way. Most are stuck in their own pattern recognition lock. I certainly am most of the time. I need a better teacher, can you be one for me?
yes grasshopper,but 1st we discuss the salary package...grins

woop woop


SilyconBond 55M
148 posts
8/3/2020 3:00 am

    Quoting  :

Walking around the neighborhood is my least favorite these days. I used to enjoy it before Covid. Plus it makes me a little sad. Going to sell my house soon, and I've connected with these weirdos. The going around the block line...That's pretty creative. It made me laugh and I always like good feels. Thank you.


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