My bathroom may have money in it
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Posted:Dec 11, 2017 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2017 9:52 pm
5559 Views
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I still read porn magazines and have a stack in my bathroom. I really don't care either, most people take their phone now in their but not me. I prefer my phone to be a phone, not an entertainment industry. Besides, I have years of favorites sitting on the shelf that you just can't get online. I also like to look at them when I have to do my morning woody work out.
My brother, once again, came over last night to help me out with some of the firewood and to get the christmas lights working again at my parents place. So he goes to drop the off at the pool in my bathroom and he seems to be taking awhile. Me being an obnoxious prick start rapping on the door because it's been 15 minutes already and I know what hes doing. And he hollers back - how fucking old is this and do you know that chick is dead.
He's reading my porn! MY PORN. I can handle him stroking one out, we grew up together but coming into another guys house and reading his porn is like eating the rest of his cereal, or his sandwich. There are some things you just don't fucking do.
He wasn't coming out, because at this point I think he knows he is going to get punched, and I said look - I don't care people still fucking cry over Marilyn so why can't I wank to some crackhead with big jugs. And he goes silent. And says what?
I said just get a fucking move on, we got shit to do and he comes out after five minutes and I said what issue was it. And he looks at me and says what the fuck are you talking about. And I said my porn, you were in my stack, what were you talking about. And he said what fucking porn, I was talking about the picture on the wall you have. That chick is dead, you can probably make some money off it now.
Turns out my bathroom painting, which I really just put in there to piss off my ex wife when I had one of those days where I felt like pissing her off, is worth a bit of money when I looked it up on ebay. The artist DID die, so her artwork is now becoming collectors items. I wonder if it would sell knowing it has been in my bathroom.
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Im gonna do some pimping
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Posted:Dec 3, 2017 9:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2018 10:26 pm
5529 Views
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I'm gonna a blog by one of my very best friends in the world. Because she speaks very frankly and openly about advice for women on this site.
She still won't have sex with me, but has told me why and I am okay with patiently waiting for the maybe possibly. (Fucking gorgeous tits and mind. In that order.)
_____________________________________________________________________________
https://Meelp.com/blog/Mattisonax/Unwanted,-but-true,-advice-4049853#Meelp?
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And she is an extremely good writer too.
Please, go and read for yourself. And take heed; it is all very true.
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Funky Junk
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Posted:Nov 27, 2017 9:41 pm
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2017 8:59 pm
5608 Views
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I was having a bath and wondered why is it that men are afraid of licking pussy that might be a bit...offish in smell. After a bit, that goes away and you get to the good stuff if you are patient and man enough to know that it can take some time to get her hormone surge on track. On top of that, larger pussy means more to work around. I am not afraid, and most men aren't, of what a pussy does look like - especially at my age. We are way more curious as to how this one works as opposed to all the other ones we got to play with before. We also do this with boobs. And sandwiches.
I blame porn for the perfect pussy that looks tight and is also full of make up. Yeah, it is nice to imagine what that would feel like but quite honestly, if a girls pussy looks like a million bucks, she is also going to cost that much to keep around.
I know I have had my cock sucked after horseback riding, or after working 9 hours in the sun, it can't be all that great to put that in a mouth.
Maybe I miss reading my exes cosmo magazines, they seemed to know all about that more than I ever do.
And yes, I actually do have bubble baths. I have a hot tub outside, but I can't put epsom salts and smelly stuff in it to make my man parts soft and pretty. On top of this - the puppies can't get in the tub YET.
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A womans purse and her right to privacy
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Posted:Nov 18, 2017 7:51 pm
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2017 11:55 pm
5936 Views
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I went to a christmas party last night with a friend of mine who needed a date. I was okay with this because it was free food and alcohol and cheap entertainment.
She wanted to fuck around with one of her coworkers for a looooooooong time, and I told her to make her move on him because he didn't have a date with him, and seemed to be into her because they sat and talked all night long while I stuffed my face and played pool with her boss.
She goes off in a cab with him to some club, and I am wrapping it up to head home. She calls me, and says she lost him in the club somewhere, doesn't know where her purse is, and she has no money etc etc.
So I call my best friend, tell her we have other plans and head over to the club to find this trainwreck.
We get there and outside is this guy, with this girls purse, and her phone, showing everything she has in there and going through it, laughing, etc.
I ask my best friend what to do. She said she wouldn't tell her now what the hell is going on as she is too drunk to handle the honesty. But that someone needs a good punch in the face regardless.
I get out and walk up to him, and he sees me, and seems to not who I am for a minute. Then he all of the sudden does, and he starts saying stupid crap and trying to argue his way out of it. I haven't really said anything up to this point, but what got me is this - he knew he was in the wrong. Right away, he knew he had been caught and he knew that there was going to be a problem.
I am not a talk it through guy when it comes to invading a woman's privacy, especially when it is her purse and her phone. I learned at a young age, you never touch a women's purse. I also learned to not drink brake fluid, and that no matter what, barb wire will always get you no matter how careful you are.
So he throws her shit on the ground and runs away. This doesn't surprise me. Fortunetly, he ran into my best friends car and rolled on top of the hood, and back down and cracked his face on the pavement leaving blood everywhere and I am sure a bunch of teeth.
We ended driving this girl home, and some other guy who lived down the street. All the while trainwreck is crying and saying thank you and she wondered what happened to him and etc etc. My friend is just eye rolling and staying silent and looking back every once inawhile.
On the way to drop me off after we get those two home, we talk about how this generation is a bunch of pussies and perhaps the days of the man being a man and a woman being a woman should come back somehow, in some way, basically just tall wish tales now as it won't happen in any shape or form.
So anyways, we get ALL the way back to my place, and said hello to the puppies and I walk her back out after and guess what. This girl left her purse in the backseat of her car.
My friend just shook her head and drove off. Sometimes, there is just nothing you can say.
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Just talking about animals and soldiers.
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Posted:Nov 9, 2017 9:20 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2017 9:26 pm
6202 Views
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Been awhile since I posted on here, or been on the site. Summer always keeps a boy like me busy.
My amazing Hopper, who lost her leg in afghanistan (I named her Hopper before that, must have been a foretelling), passed away this summer. She protected me and many of my buddies in so many ways, including an affectionate bear hug or when she would play cards with you (yes, she played cards. If you threw a card, she would bring it back and look for the matching number in other colours.) She was an army vet like my ass was, and her name will be marked in the books. It was a touching service actually, makes me smile when I think of it.
To prepare me for her passing, since she has been by my side for 14 years, I was matched with not one, but two puppies, on my farm in May. They played her old soul out happily, which I was grateful for as I knew her last days were coming.
What I find remarkable since my girl passed is that Six and Seven (my new pups) both go to sleep in her old bed. Their legs are both getting longer, they won't fit into it together soon, but they miss her for the friend she was to them. And they both won't touch her food dish, and keep it between theirs still.
Like a comrade or soldier would to a fellow mate. You honor one another in some way.
I have them matching little work vests to take with me to services this week to honor my brothers and sisters who served both past and present, as these guys both will as well in some form or another when I start stricter training with them. Right now we are still in the let's just do anything for a tennis ball and love the shit out of dad stage.
Veterans, soldiers, anyone who has served, can honestly that they got through some of their tougher times just by being around animals, whether it be a stray or cat, , even rodents. My buddy brought a mouse back from Iraq, and still has it. I advocate for all soldiers to have an animal or access to them in some way, for so many reasons, because of this. A soldiers mind is always moving or stopped; animals make is possible for us to relax and enjoy whats in front of us.
I miss my girl, I do. But these new are doing their work already, like she told them to before she left.
Remember what those poppies are for.
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No sex until married? Wtf
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Posted:Apr 11, 2017 12:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2017 9:23 pm
11737 Views
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A couple of buddies of mine and I went fishing and camping for a couple of days. Not many women around, which is nice, except for some very married ones or ones who are just too lumberjack for my taste.
My cousin, who's name is Bill, is 18 and a virgin. Why he hasn't had sex yet is beyond me as he has been seeing this girl for about a year and they did this abstinence pact.
I don't get it. So you agree to stay a virgin until you are married. What is the sense in this? He told me that he loved her and he was sure he was going to marry her.
My ex wife was a virgin until we hooked up. She regrets it, as it led to her cheating on me a few times during our marriage which hurt, don't get me wrong, but I understood it because of my job at the time, and things just weren't there between us. I asked her if she regretted me being her first, or not waiting for marriage, or what.
She said - I wish I had fucked quite a few people to get it out of my system and then you. Maybe things would have been different, or maybe we would have ended things alot sooner than later. Maybe things would not have been that hard.
Maybe she would have known if she loved me.
That - made a difference to me. Sex is a communication.
So I told my cousin he needs to fuck her til they communicate hard or end this shit. He needs to get laid. I hope he takes my advice.
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My valentines day
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Posted:Feb 15, 2017 2:21 am
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2017 1:05 am
11566 Views
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I had a crazy Valentines Day.
First of all, one of friends from down East got into a crazy car accident in which the impact debris decided to cut four of his fingers off. They are going to reattach them, but the fucked up thing is one of them was his ring finger. And the ring was ancient, handed down through generations and molded a bit here and there. But still, it meant alot to him and his wife that they had these rings.
Then, my truck, which I love, it is a farm truck and it will always start, got stuck in a great big mud puddle. This normally wouldn't bother me, I actually enjoy the challenge. Only thing is, she was glued in to the gills because the ground here warmed up so damn fast there is some massive holes happening. So I had to go to my dads, get the tow truck, and pulled her out into an ever bigger fucking hole. By the time I was done, I not only needed a shower but a bath before the shower.
Then my ex wife called me to thank me for the flowers for her and my , and before she hung up the phone, decided to relay that she is thinking about selling the house and moving into a brownstone. Although the house was never lived in by me except for two weeks, I still technically own the property and use it for equity. So now I have to go through the hassle of signing over the deed, but then I am thinking - should I.....I never actually gave it to her in the divorce, but I never charged her rent and even helped fix what I can. I just don't want to think about it right now.
Then, I got two phone calls around 8 o clock of girls crying to me about how they never got anything for Valentines Day. I offered them my cock, because that was the mood I was in, and one would have slapped me over the phone - awsome - but the other came out around 9 o'clock - score!
And the closest thing I have to a best friend here never got a valentine at all. Not even from her ex, who calls her still five times a day and then goes off to sleep on the couch and play with the with one of the women he fucked around on her with. So I, after my sex left, drove over to her house and dropped off a late night care package of mcdonalds and a couple of things I could only find in a gas station - surprisingly they did have cards.
And now I am home, my is sprawled out on her bed and I am wide awake looking at some porn and watching the OA at the same time.
So, hows that for a single asshole today?
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Bucket list sex!
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Posted:Feb 9, 2017 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2017 1:50 am
12527 Views
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My bucket list for sex no longer includes getting a blow job and fucking, including some surprise anal, behind the counter at Nordstrom.
And surprise anal is because my cock is kind of big for most women, not bragging, I just really have to be persuasive and patient and let a woman feel comfortable.
I didn't know this was on my bucket list, but now since it happened, I am going to include it on there and check it off.
What makes it bad is that I have to go back and look at her nametag to find out her name.
I know, fucking terrible of me.
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Bucket list sex!
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Posted:Feb 9, 2017 7:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2024 6:18 pm
10942 Views
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My bucket list for sex no longer includes getting a blow job and fucking, including some surprise anal, behind the counter at Nordstrom.
And surprise anal is because my cock is kind of big for most women, not bragging, I just really have to be persuasive and patient and let a woman feel comfortable.
I didn't know this was on my bucket list, but now since it happened, I am going to include it on there and check it off.
What makes it bad is that I have to go back and look at her nametag to find out her name.
I know, fucking terrible of me.
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Women are delusional sometimes.
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Posted:Feb 4, 2017 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2017 3:10 am
13561 Views
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It fucking snowed here, so I ran over to my parents and took the plow around to do their walks and got everything shovelled, then drove into town to do my friends walks and driveways because I really have nothing better to do tonight and my loves the snow.
I get my truck packed up and ready to go, and the cops came by to see what I was doing and I told them, and then some lady comes out to the cop car and says to him that I am stalking her.
I look at her with interest, and said what? And she said you have been stalking me. And I said how have I been stalking you lady, I plowed the sidewalk. And she says exactly. You come here and take your tractor out and do all the walks here when you don't even live here and always stop at my house and look in my windows.
So the cop looks at me and says do you know anyone here, and I said yeah one of my best friends and her neighbours walk is the one with the joined driveway and I just run up and down the street since I can do it in ten minutes. And this lady is like, wrong, you don't know anyone here, you stop by my house and look in.
So I went to my friends house with the cops and this lady, and she gives me a hug and asks what the fuck is going on, and the cop tells her and so she says why the hell do you stop in front of her house every time because now it is obvious I have a pretty credible story.
I didn't really want to make it sound so harsh, but I was kind of fed up with this bitching woman, because her mouth wouldn't close about what a pig I am, etc etc.
So I said because my takes a dump on her lawn everytime so I get off and pick it up and throw it in the garbage.
The cop just choked a smile back, this lady was like no no no, and my friend is laughing a bit and I turned around and say look I can put it back if you want or you can smell the shit bag its still on the side of my plow all up to you.
She went silent after the cop told her if she doesn't stop talking, he is going to have to arrest her for uttering threats.
I try and do a nice thing, and I get shit on. I am not going to plow her sidewalk anymore.
Oh and btw, I don't stalk women. And if I did, it would not be her. She looks like a former crack addict with plastic surgery to repair the damage.
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Why ruin a good fuck with feelings,
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Posted:Jan 26, 2017 2:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2017 12:47 am
12623 Views
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I am a guy, therefore, I am pretty stupid when it comes to things like birthdays and anniversaries and remembering all the little important things. It is helpful with a cell phone, and I have no problem with giving my friends and family my phone and saying yeah put that in there because I have a feeling you are going to get pissed at me when I forget about it.
I learned this after watching my dad get kicked out of the house four years ago for forgetting my moms birthday. It was vicious. Don't worry, she let him back in and they are good and probably had mom and dad sex.
But men are men. If I not putting my cock in something, I am thinking about putting my cock in something. Or I am thinking about food, or sports, or cars. Tits and ass will always trump it, unless....I am in a relationship.
When I was married, I only thought about sex with my wife when she said we are going to fuck. Because I wanted to fuck all the time, but after awhile, it becomes more important to watch TV and get a good nights sleep before the little ones come crawling in to bed. I romanced her, of course, I did all the good things a husband should do, but I will admit, we do kind of let things become more of a partnership than a sexscapade. That's marriage though. It just happens.
Which brings me back to Pippin. She wants a relationship. And I don't want one. Because while I love fucking her, I don't want to stop fucking the shit out of her. I know in six months, I will. And I don't want to do this for purely selfish reasons. Which is that I really do just love fucking her. And she hasn't had a crazy sex life yet, and I somehow feel that she is denying herself some good sex, and I am more than willing to be involved in anything she wants to do.
She sent me texts asking if I would be willing to be her date to a friends wedding, which will lead to all kinds of questions. I am not being an asshole here, but yet again, I am going to have to be. I told her in the beginning, I am not looking for monogamy, I am not looking to get a girlfriend, I am not looking for any of that shit. My romantic side is best untethered.
Yet, I get to be an asshole again.
Why do women have to ruin a perfectly good fuck with feelings. I do like her, I would not fuck her if I did not like her. I just dont want to end up in the place where I am sitting on the couch, not fucking her, and watching TV.
And I have no intention of leading her on. If she wants to fuck other men, go for it. I find that sexy, and I am not bothered by it. Just want to make that clear.
Anyways, that's my beef.
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round up of 2016
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Posted:Dec 20, 2016 3:46 am
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2017 10:19 pm
12228 Views
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Merry Christmas 2016.
You americans voted in a racist, doesn't matter anyways both candidates are owned by the bank of Rothschild and Goldman Sachs and Morgan Chase and the Rockefellers to name a few. Who cares anyways, because we killed a gorilla to save a .
RIP Prince and Bowie and now Zsa Zsa, whos legs still do wonders for me. Bowies too, but come on, I didn't know.
See ya later to fort mac, and finally the fucking cold weather up here. My nutsack is still thawing out but thats what a good booty call is for.
I slept with a girl named Pippin. Not kidding, her name was Pippin. She had long black hair and brown eyes and a huge pussy. I saw her cameltoe and had to devour it before I even got her on her back. It was wet and juicy and I loved every second of it. I felt like I could fuck it forever it was so big and tight. I am, and will now stay, with my first love of big tits, nice round asses, and the curves of a bouncy woman over a stick figure. The round hips and curves of a bbw will forever be my conquest, unless the lovely kate beckinsale calls.
She took all ten inches of me inside her after awhile. This could be a good thing for me. I felt like I was hitting a jackpot everytime and it was spitting out bills. I see her in a couple weeks, which is good because the cum I blow every morning in the shower or on my booty call isn't half as near what I did with her.
I am an asshole for sharing, but hey, I love fucking.
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Fuck women sometimes
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Posted:Oct 12, 2016 12:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2016 5:54 pm
12333 Views
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So, I was up in fort mac helping to clean up and rebuild and get shit thrown in the garbage over and over again. It was a bad fire.
And I have a sort of girlfriend I guess who I would drive down to see every fucking weekend rain snow or shine.
So anyways, I couldn't do this weekend because it was canadian thanksgiving, and I wanted to be home for family and to see friends and get drunk with my dad and watch baseball.
She got pissed off. Like really pissed off.
I do not understand how women can say yes go see your family I understand and then the next fucking day say I can't believe you didn't come see me, I thought I was important to and now its a holiday and you aren't here.
I'm not married to her and I am not serious so I said what I thought was appropriate given how pissed off I was that I was being forced into a conversation about not giving a shit after giving a shit. I sent her fucking flowers and a fucking gift card to go shopping to buy some shit for us for next weekend. (shes kinky.)
So I said - you don't want me to meet your family. What am I going to talk about with them? That you sucked my cock last week in my truck after Olive Garden? Or how about we talk about how I double penetrated you with that 9 inch dildo you had to buy because you wanted feel like a porn star? Or should I talk about how you took naked pictures of your pussy at work while figuring your asshole because I was having a bad day?
She hasn't talked to me since.
I don't even care, women can really fuck themselves sometimes.
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To link to this blog (AceoverEight) use [blog AceoverEight] in your messages.
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