Nature? Or nurture?
 
guess it has really been the road lee traveled...
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Nature or Nurture?
Posted:Nov 26, 2018 9:44 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2019 5:14 am
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So how long have I known I was a sissy? To be honest I actually have known most of my life, just wouldn't admit it. The journey into sissy sexuality began young; very young in fact somewhere around 8 or 9.

Now to be honest I am not sure when the sexual side of life started for me but I think it was the summer between fourth and fifth grade. That was the summer my family moved back to town, you see we had been living in on-base housing; but no more. There I had these two neighborhood friends; Larry Jack and Marvin.
We all lived within a block of each other, and believe me we were great at getting into trouble together. Larry was our natural born leader. A real alpha type already, he was dominant, athletic, and demanding. Really he was a total bully; but I sure wasn't going to say a word to correct him. He lived with his grandparents. His mom went to high school with mine, but had gotten pregnant in like 11th grade. It was a matter of neighborhood knowledge that she was now a local whore, that’s why he was not with her. Although they would let her take him sometime over a weekend. Marvin was about a year younger than us. He had a little sister named Sabrina that was like two years younger than him. She seemed to follow him everywhere. Me, I just really wanted to fit in and would do anything to be accepted.
Any way; few blocks from our street was a huge field. One summer day we had found a big refrigerator box. Well Larry decided it would make a great start to a fort, so we drug it out into the trees in the middle of the field. When we got there Larry said he had a different idea. He pulled out a knife and cut about a two inch wide slit in the box maybe six inches long. Then he started poking holes in the box so that “more light would get in”.
“So let’s play show and tell”, he said with a big grin. “Sabrina, you get in the box and take your clothes off and show us what yours looks like”.
She didn’t want anything to do with it at first. “No, that’s naughty!”, was her reply”
“No it isn’t,” Larry seemed ready with his answer “we won’t actually touch each other or anything. And I’ll tell you what, we will all take turns. Wouldn’t it be cool to really know what a boys thing looked like?” Still no one moved, but once again Larry took the initiative. “Here, I’ll go first.” With that, he did. He jumped in the box and a moment later he called out to her again, “come look Sabrina, it’s ok.” Still no one moved. “Sabrina don’t be a baby!, thought you were big enough to hang out with us” He teased but still she stood frozen. “Marvin you come look, show her it’s alright.”, still no movement. “Marvin don’t be a chicken too, come here now!” Larry demanded, “show her its ok to look”. Marvin did move, if ever so reluctantly to the box, “Mike you too! Show her it’s alright” Now as for me, I have to admit I was really curious, and the situation was causing some motion in my jeans. I quickly moved my hand to cover the slight swelling. Truth is I had already seen my dads Cock a few times. After the first time it happened I will admit I often tried to make it happen again. So the truth is I did want to see Larry’s Cock; I hated my self for it later, but at the time I did. Anyway when he said move, I did. Without hesitation I quickly looked in, and I have to admit when I saw his Cock it made me gasp. Unfortunately Marvin heard me and laughed, he even said “sounds like you like that!” My cheeks burned with shame; but the truth is I did really like what I saw.
Larry’s Cock was huge! It was even bigger than my dads I remember thinking then, and was it hard. I had never seen a real hard Cock before and couldn’t believe how awesome it looked. I mean I had already jacking off by then so mine got hard, I had even shot a few loads into my sisters panties by then. But hell, compared to his, mine wasn’t a dick. Larry even had some hair on his balls and curling around where his shaft met his body. I remember how intriguing the light line of hair that ran up his groin and belly onto his chest was to me. I remember the sight of the muscles of his belly and the curve of his hips and how it aroused me in a way I had never felt. At some point Marvin slapped me on the back of the head and said “faggot quit looking so Sabrina can take a turn!”
Well Sabrina decided she would only go last, so next Marvin claimed in the box. Once again the other three took turns looking at his naked body. While I do remember him, he just didn’t affect me the way Larry did. But it was still a naked body so I took my turn looking at him too. Then came my turn in the box. I have to admit I hadn’t really thought of what might be said about my body. I was scared as hell but I climbed in to the box and stripped down. When Little Sabrina looked in she actually started giggling. “Aww looky!”, she said “his little thing is so tiny and cute!” Man did I blush, but to be honest I don’t think it was in shame. Even hard, which I most certainly was, my little diclit was not even half the size of Marvin’s, and Marvin’s wasn’t half the size of Larry’s. Embarrassed I quickly dressed and quit the box. Sabrina, took off running. While we did eventually see her too, it didn’t happen that day, but I didn’t really care.


Now down the street from us was an empty house. It had sat vacant for years, which was that was great for us. You see in the back yard it had a huge storm shelter in it’s backyard. It was the perfect place for a hidden neighborhood club house.
It was just one big room with a table set in concrete in the center. We “furnished” it with a couple of lawn chairs stolen from the neighborhood and a Coleman lantern that Larry stole from his grandpa. Larry quickly designated the table as our “stage”. We played “show and tell” all the time. Taking turns stripping down, climbing up, modeling our young bodies for the others. At first no one touched or fondled any one, but eventually the game of doctor became our new game. With this of course some light touching started. After all a doctor had to feel you body to find what was wrong. One time while at his moms house Larry found a bunch of “Hustler” magazines and managed to steal them. Of course they quickly found the way to our lair. That was when Larry talked Sabrina into taking the head of his cock in her mouth. She never really gave him head or sucked on him or anything, she would just hold the head in her mouth. But I got to tell you though it always amazed me to watch her do it. And god, it was so thick; Sabrina's little mouth barely fit around the head. At first it was just a wonder; you know “hmm I wonder what a cock would feel like...”. But more and more wonder was replaced with amazement, and that soon morphed to lust. I so wanted to be her. I wanted to know what that dick felt like, tasted like. I wanted Larry to tell me to, just like he told her. I wouldn't just hold it, I would kiss and lick all over it, I knew I could make home feel good.
Every time it was Larry's turn to undress I got so excited. It seemed he was always hard, well or at least throbbing and getting hard anyway. I don't really remember when I started actually getting hard; but at some point when his beautiful Cock started to swell and bob it would get me hard. I tried to hide it when it happened, but more than once Larry saw me. Once he even winked at me, I about passed out I was so embarrassed. When it was his turn, I would become transfixed. I would try so hard not to watch him, not to enjoy the way his teen age body moved. My eyes would seem to lock on his abs, then that amazing Cock... I was sure he knew, but couldn’t help myself any more. It was just beyond my control.

Then came the summer between 7th and 8th grade. We had just recently started smoking pot. It was easy to get, I could steal it from my older sister. For some reason that particular day it was just Larry and me. I don't know where Marvin and Sabrina were, but it really ended up working out in my favor. Larry and I went down into the shelter to smoke. Now normally the four of us would play rock-paper-scissors to see who did show and tell first. That day though Larry just sat down in the lawn chair and in a rather matter of fact tone of voice said, "I want to watch you strip.”
I froze, both fear and excitement washed over me. I didn't say a word, but I didn’t move either.
"You know you want to..." he said with kind of a sneer.
I am sure my face went beet red. "What do you mean by that?"
"Look how hard you are right now; hell, normally watching Sabrina doesn't even get you like that". He laughed aloud, to be totally honest while his laughter did hurt, at the same time really turned me on. Feeling a really weird combination of embarrassment and excitement I turned my back; confusion and desire where both just flooding over me.
"You're really a just a fucking little faggot aren't you?”, he teased; “I have seen how you look at my dick, how you almost always get hard when I undress.” ‘Now do what I said and show off damn it or so help me I’ll beat the shit out of you pansy”. It was like he turned a switch, I quit thinking; I climbed up on the table and did exactly as I was ordered.
“Bend over", he ordered; "show me your ass." No hesitation, no thought I turned and pushed my ass out. He only watched me for a few minutes, then stood and walked over to me. My skin was electrified, my ass and hips jerked with a non conscious twitch.
"You know, you might just have a nicer ass than Sabrina." I couldn’t believe my ears! That was the best compliment I had ever received. It made me feel so good, so sexy. And with that, he walked up behind me and slapped my ass really hard. Then he walked out and left me nude and humiliated.
I was so fucking turned on. Immediately I started jacking off. My ass stung so bad, and it made me feel so good! It made me feel so hot that he said my ass was better than Sabrina’s. All I could think about was his cock in my mouth. When I came it shot all over the dirty table. Me? I was so out of control I licked it all up, pretending it was Larry Jacks.
While I couldn’t get the afternoon out of my mind, we didn't talk about it or do anything else for months.

So after that Larry said nothing sexual to me for weeks. I didn’t know what to think. The whole thing had turned me on so much, but also really made me feel guilty. I couldn’t get his slap on my ass out of my mind, nor how hot it made me feel when he made me undress just for him. I hated myself because I so wanted to feel his huge Cock in my mouth. Surely I wasn’t gay; that was just wrong. One way or the other it seemed to keep me hard.
Anyway. A few weeks later I slept over with Larry. I had lifted a six pack from my dad, it was the first time I ever drank. Larry had two, I had three so by mid evening I was buzzed off my ass. The later it got the more our conversation turned to sex. He stood up and walked over to his bed, kneeled down and reached under it and pulled out a small box. The box had a few Hustlers and Playboy magazines, and a rolled up paper bag. I didn’t ask what it was, he didn’t say. We looked at the mags for quiet a while, to be honest all I could think about was the way he slapped me and how hot it made me feel.
Finally he brought it up. “I enjoyed watching you that last time...” he said in a low voice. “I like the way you mind me, you did like it too didn’t you?”. My faced flushed red and hot, I felt ashamed, but so sexual at the same time.
“Yes I did” I managed to squeak out.
“Will you do something for me tonight?” He asked. Before I even answered he picked up the bag and tossed it to me. Put these on, and don’t ever tell anyone.”
In the bag were panties and a bra; “who’s are these?” I asked. “Paula’s” he said; “ I want to pretend you’re her, and I want you to suck me off.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it scared the hell out of me; but gave me a massive hard on at the same time. I went to the corner of the room and stripped. Slowly I pulled on the panties, the bra took forever. Hell I had never taken one off a girl yet and here I was putting one on. The panties were a really pretty pink with red and black lacy, the bra was a flat Training bra that matched. The soft silky fabric felt so good against my skin. Now here was a major seed for the sissy that was to grow. Larry called his sister “sissy”, she called him “bubba”. After I finally got the bra on I turned to him.
“Sissy”, he said, “come over here and kneel by your bubba”.
I didn’t speak, I just walked over and knelt before him. My head was spinning, my dick was throbbing, I was frozen.
He said to me “give me your hand”, I complied. He took my hand on put it on his crotch, I could feel his Cock swelling inside his jeans. I lightly rubbed it.
“Open my pants sissy, take it out so you can see it”.
I was totally mesmerized by his voice and commands, I did as he told me. When his Cock was free he immediately reached down with both hands and grabbed my head, he forced my face into his crotch, his beautiful Cock pressed hard against my cheek. “Sissy, I want you to kiss it, take it in your mouth; suck your bubba’s Cock baby sister.”.
I’ll never forget sucking his Cock that time. It was so fucking hot. When he came he grabbed my head and pushed me down hard on his huge hard member. His load filled my mouth full, it choked me; when it did it forced cum into my sinuses, my nose was running with cum as he held my head there and filled me with huge spurts of thick hot cum.

I have been chasing that high, ever since

I couldn’t get that night out of my mind. I felt so dirty, I was sure I was going to hell

So that was the first Cock I sucked, but it wasn’t long before I got to taste more. As I started 8th grade my dad started taking pictures for an explorer post that did Indian dances. It was pretty cool and he got me involved in the post. We made and dressed in very authentic dance costumes made just like the Native Americans did, loin cloths and all. Shortly after joining I seemed to catch the eye of one of the leaders, I’ll call him Bill. That was where he stared on me, every time we dressed out he would tell me that real Indians didn’t wear anything under their loin cloths. It took a few times, but I finally started not. Next he asked my dad if I could stay with some of the other boys for a weekend at his house. He was from a well to do family. They had horses, a big telescope platform, swimming pool. Hell yea I wanted to, sounded great. Anyway after school that Friday my dad took me to Bill’s house. It was out in the middle of no where and even then sat in the middle of like 2000 acres of horse ranch. Bill told dad the other 2 boys were running late, after my dad left Bill told me that their dad called and said they couldn’t make it. He offered to take me home but said I could stay and we would have fun. Hell I was in no rush to get home, so I said I would stay anyway.

I remember it was really hot that day, first activity he suggested was going for a swim. I wanted too, it sounded great; but I didn’t bring a suit. Bill said it was alright, I could just wear my underwear. After all he confirmed, underwear cover just as much as swim suits don’t they? And heck way out here, who would see me except him. I was really nervous about it, but he kept on so eventually I gave in. We went to the pool and started to undress. I dropped down to my briefs, he got naked. Right before he dove in he said, “besides skinny dipping is much more fun!” I didn’t know what to say or do. I kept my skivvies on and we swam for a good while. I did my best to keep my eyes off his Cock, but I really wanted to see it. So far I had sucked Larry a few times, and Marvin a couple; but I had never sucked a real man. Never saw another full grown Cock except my dads. When we were drying off he was there before me in full glory, just a few feet away. I did my best to cover my hard on, but he did see as I was getting dressed. He just said, “it’s ok, men get aroused. There is nothing wrong with being curious about anything sexual you know. Never feel ashamed of something that feels so good.” He had really hit it on the head, I felt guilty as hell. I grew up in church, sex was only right for procreation. I knew that. And all faggots went to hell, I knew that too. But when I had Larry’s Cock in my mouth, none of that mattered. Truth was I was a little faggot, and I just couldn’t cope. Red faced I finished dressing, he didn’t say anything else till we got back to the house. Then just small talked while he fixed us dinner. At one point I asked about riding a horse, he said we would talk about that later, and dropped it.

The rest of the night passed without incident. It wasn’t till bed time that things changed. We went up to his room, he told me I would have to,sleep in his bed with him. I pulled the pajamas I had brought out of my bag.
“You don’t need those do you? Only baby boys sleep in pajamas, big boys don’t wear anything to bed.” With that he stripped down and jumped into the bed. “It’s ok if you’re still too young to not wear anything. I won’t tell any one.”
Well I had to prove I wasn’t a baby boy! I stripped down and climbed in beside him.
“So you still want to ride horses tomorrow?”
Oh hell yea I did! That was my main reason for coming to his house to be honest.
“Tell you what,” he said; if you do something for me tonight, we can ride to the canyon and back tomorrow.”
“I want to cuddle with you tonight. Slide over here real close to me and let me put my arms around you...”.
Guys aren’t supposed to do that I told him. My pastor talked about guys like that, you’ll go to hell for that you know.
“They say that, but the truth is most guys do it with friends when they are alone. Actually guys can have a lot more fun with guys then they can girls.”
The gods honest truth was I wanted to so bad. Hell I wanted to feel a real Cock in my mouth. I so wanted to taste his cum. I slid over, closer to him, he just scooped me up into his strong arms and pulled me tight against him. I felt his Cock stiffen as it pushed against my ass cheeks, instinctively I reached back and took the solid shaft in my little hand. When I did I still remember him kissing my neck, then behind my ear.
“Mmmm” he moaned lightly into my ear, “good boy, that’s what I need.”
Those words, good boy... they made me feel better than I think anything ever had. I so wanted to be a good boy, I wanted to be his dirty boi.
Bill took his time, slowly he kissed every inch of my body. He literally massaged my young muscles with his lips and tongue. Every time I would start to move, he would push me back down to the bed, pin me lightly against it. He was literally controlling my every move.
And me? I was so completely mesmerized by what was happening. No one had ever sucked my little dicklit yet, hell at that point no one had ever sexually touched it but me. But soon Biil’s head went down on my little thing. I was pinned to the bed, could barely even twice my hips, it felt so fucking amazing. It was like this man’s whole body was saying I want you completely to me. I always felt so alone. Felt like my family didn’t want me, my friends at best put up with me. But he made me feel wanted, sexy, actually even needed.
In my excitement all I could do was barely squeak out, “can I please suck on you now, pretty please...”. He picked me up and spun me around in air, put me down so my face was within inches of his stiff Cock.
“That’s exactly what Daddy wants baby, suck on this Cock; show me you need it.” And that exactly what I did. Happily, greedily, for what seemed like forever. My jaw started hurting, my lips grew numb, but I so didn’t want to stop. I was in heaven. That was the night of my first facial. I’ll never forget how hot it made me when he pulled his Cock away and his hot cum started shooting out all over my face. In my mind I can still see the jizz as it started to stream out of the slit in the head of his Dick and the line it made to my face. It felt so hot and wonderful on my skin. He used the head of his amazing Cock to scrape his cum from my cheek into my mouth. It was just natural to swallow it all. I had never swallowed cum before. When I did that day, I became addicted for life with no chance of recovery

So I guess I am just a fucking little sissy assed faggot, only good for absorbing cum. But oh so good at absorbing cum! Now I only wish I would have accepted myself when I was a cute little guy
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