I'm Hooooome!!!
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Posted:Aug 17, 2018 3:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 8:59 am
2051 Views
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OMG I've missed my Meelp blog soooo much!!!
It's been almost 3 years since I've written a post!!
Man, I had such great stories to share when I lived in Iowa 
Now, living in the East valley again... I'm like wow wtf happened to this place? If I'd been on Meelp back then... OMG, stoooories! Lol.
No, my return to Arizona hasn't been kind. I'm not saying I haven't had a lot of fun!! Just... Nearly drowning in the torrential sea of shitty people, old perverts, and common belief that all women are very cheap whores... I say fuck all that! These DDs keep me from ever drowning, and I've always been a fantastic swimmer anyway! Just call me Lochte 
So, my first phone written blog post, first Az post, first post as Ms. Clearly Real Bitch:
Expectations = Disappointments
I do not have the original, so yes this is a remake in new words. But men tend to allow their penises to lead when looking for poon online. The oxygen deprived brains don't get a chance to remind you that nobody on here is a sure thing. Nobody on here is here just to pleasure u for free.
Ladies, if I'm wrong... Plz, make an appointment so we can discuss this further. I do not see why any woman would deprive herself of multiple orgasms she's capable of having to give a man 1.
Anyway ...Yes, we all are on Meelp with intentions of finding that medicinal phenomenal best sex ever that makes life worth living. Hope is good and never lose hope!
Reality has shown me over 20 years of online meeting that 1. Too much online chat creates unrealistic fantasies and when you do meet for real, it's a whistling hydro bomb over Japan.
In my experience...chat online to the MINIMUM info u need to determine if you should meet in real life.
My minimum requirements are: white men, age 25-45, loves to go fast blowing clouds on a clear day, bonus points if he owns a private pool  ideally, when I meet this man, we will chill n smoke in comfort at his home while getting to know each other better. Chit chat! I do not do chit chat online!
This chit chat should show me he has intelligence, charisma, and wit. I should feel like I've known him for years, and at minimum, we've just become new friends.
Ideally, we are insanely attracted to each other and he melts my clothes off with his smooth game talking lol . For me, sexual commentary, perverted jokes, being overly handsy, especially if it's like 5 min after I get there ur pantsless n tugging it to porn, OMG ew, ew ew, this is not going to get u anywhere fun with me.
Guys, I am not a sure thing until I decide I am! And I get to be picky! Because sex is soooo much better when ur into each other on multiple levels! Soooooooooo much better. Dangerous better.
I hate thinking: I don't know what's worse-meeting a guy and really disliking him? Or meeting and really really really liking him ...most guys want a casual thing, I'm aware, and I do too! I loooove being in love, but that shit is fucking worse than heroin and crack rolled in cigarettes!! Nothing good ever comes of it for me in the end. Casual is definitely the more realistic way to stay. But warning! Casual often turns to feelings for at least one party. If this happens, END IT IMMEDIATELY. Unrequited love is the worst possible feeling imagineable. It will destroy ur soul. End it right away before it grows into a hydraulic of complete insanity and drama. There's 7 billion people on Earth. Go get a different one.
Guys, I often get tons of messages with disgusting details of what ur looking for on here. Please, just fuckin don't. I do not give a fuckin rat or his ass what ur looking for. I make it clear what I'm looking for, and when u message me, it's better for us both that u read my page and want the same! Yay!
You wanna mutual masturbation fest? Lol fucking WHY is my 1st thought. I hate masturbating lol. I do that when my stupid vagina insists she needs release and no dick around to help. If a dick right there in the room, it best be fucking me, not me tryna fuck myself!! Fuckin duh!
No, u ain't getting that with me. Don't waste our time by sending that message. There prob some weirdo female counterpart on here for u. Go find her.
Etc, etc, etc.
Thank you for reading! More will follow. Yes I'm very wordy. Yes I'm very opinionated. Yes, I'm 100% on here for my pleasure. Yours will come afterward in gratitude, I promise lol. I will thank u very much for making my hungry greedy gluttonous demanding vagina call out for mercy as she attemps to prolapse lol. Please, pound that stupid needy bitch into hamburger. If she taps out...it's not over lol.
Oh shit, now I'm giving out secrets and creating expectations that ur best not to have!
Roll the dice! All of life is a gamble!
And my advice on sure things: ew, use protection, get tested, no standards are the exact reason STDs spread like wildfire. And btw, BOTH PARTIES ARE EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE SINCE BOTH CONSENTING ADULTS IN FULL AWARENESS OF RISK CHOSE TO GO SKIN TO SKIN.
DO NOT ACCUSE EACH OTHER OF BEING A SLUT, , WHATEVER ETC . YOURE BOTH FUCKING SLUTWHORES AND ITS OK!
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