Not so amused,,,,,  

Crazyfairy42574 45F  
173 posts
9/18/2017 4:31 pm
Not so amused,,,,,

I have to talk to someone . Everyone I have to talk to is family or friend of the family.
I called my ex bro in law, he tells me I have to talk. I called my. Ex hubby he says I have to talk. Every one tells me I gotta talk,,, I dont wanna talk. I want someone who wil hold me and not let me freak out when I have a nightmare . I want someone who wont bullshit me or play me along...,
If I tell you my secrets, it is becase I trust you ... dont fuck with my head,,,,
Dont tell me I need to talk, tell me how to talk....
Yes, I know how that sounds, but it makes sense when you know the story....

David20180101 75M  
72 posts
8/27/2018 1:55 pm

Don’t tell me I need to talk, tell me how to talk.

A Lesson in Learning How to Speak [as the Needed Distinction from Talk]

I cannot tell you how to speak. Rather I can provide some key pointers in learning how to recognize the distinction between talking and speaking as well as those between looking and seeing and listening and hearing so that when through consistent and constant self awareness of those distinctions and the focused determination to apply them one learns instinctively to speak, to hear, to see one has achieved the goal of having internalized these distinctions and becomes subconsciously a practitioner of them thus making their interactions with the world and people about them meaningfully valuable and self defining. Others as well as you will come to know the real you, the no BS you, the you that is still there ‘when the dust settles’ you, the effective you, the respected you, the influential you, the admired you – the YOU WRIT LARGE YOU.

People learn better in different ways - I audibly and especially visually; thus, I will start this “lesson” in drawing distinctions in the form of a true story as it occurred to me when I was a young man. It is one that starts as a much anticipated visual delight that occurred most but not every fall – the spectacular horizon to horizon visual blast of color that occurred in the when the weather conditions were just right and the trees in a valley and the hillsides became a rich mélange of yellows, crimsons, and browns mixed in with the greens of pines. For years I drove North/South across this East/West valley twice each day. Fall in New England and the northeast is most years breathtakingly beautiful. At its best, the colors come on rapidly and should there be a heavy rain can disappear literally over night.
Here follows is the look vs see distinction from my point of view [pun intended].

For many years as I drove across this valley I just looked across the panorama … mindlessly. It was a passive experience. Nice drive, morning and evening, day in and day out, it was just a valley I crossed twice daily, that was all. Then one fall I saw it! Wow! Spectacular! I could hardly wait to get home and tell my wife and children about this beautiful valley chuck full of brilliant fall color. We piled into the car and drove across it – both ways. We were all astonished at the beauty of this nearly annual natural phenomena. That was just the tip of the seeing iceberg if you will. I now saw many types of trees - pines, oaks, maple, birch, hickory, walnut, beech. After the leaves fell I now saw there were even rhododendron with their large dark waxy evergreen leaves that would roll up in the severest of winter cold. Now I saw in the winter the barren trees held squirrel nests and crow nests. Old dead trees became apparent as their branches were missing twigs and some their bark. I could see the winter birds in the bare trees and knew they sought shelter in the pines when it snowed. In spring I saw the staged greening as birch and beech preceded the maple and nut trees with the oaks bringing up the rear. I saw now the white, yellows, and blues of wild flowers. I could sense the life in the forest – squirrels, deer, migratory song birds. I could imagine the fox and moles and snakes [shudder – I hate snakes]. The valley became a daily joy to cross. It teamed with life – fauna and flora same as it had year in and year out yet now I was a part of it and it a part of me. I knew now that were I to stop and walk through the woods I would smell the decaying fall leaves, the wild flowers, the resinous pines. I would hear the birds, the wind in the leaves. I had now become an active part of nature simply by having exercised the distinction of seeing it rather than simply looking through it. In so doing I had moved it from background scenery to foreground anticipation of participatory enjoyment. There was now conscious active interaction, intertwining, relatedness . The passivity ceased to exist. Consistent meaning arose. Seeing those colors generated seeing more than color. It spawned a hearing in and of the forest and a meaningful speaking about it.

Now translate that vision of seeing as distinct from looking into all the other distinctions one may choose to make in one’s life. Note right there is a distinction – choose as distinct from decide. One makes choices in the open boundarylessness of awareness of all that life has to offer. Boundarylessness is horizonlessness. Decisions come from within the box of one’s limited past. Which is to say make choices in lieu of decisions and be aware of doing so. Listening bears the same interactive presence of one’s inner self as does seeing. When one truly listens to another they connect with the other. They know whether the other is speaking from their soul or simply making talking points, whether they are speaking to common interests or trying to make their point on the matter; and, can respond accordingly. Therein lays another distinction – position vs interests. Once that distinction is understood one’s listening becomes critical and one’s speaking becomes powerful and influential.

So now to the distinction between speaking and talking. Which is to say learning how to speak. When one speaks rather than talks one is verbalizing their essence, their whoness, what they stand for, where they can be relied on to be when the dust settles. They are addressing the common interests in the subject of discourse. They are speaking in a manner that unites via commonalities. They look their conversational partner squarely in the eyes. They are confident and knowledgeable on the matter being discussed. They know that this is difficult work. They are forgiving of themselves and their conversation partner[s] and allow a working outness of what is being spoken, of just how to say what they want to say. They are earnest. They command respect as they speak [another distinction – command vs demand]. They are believable. They are credible. They are honest, fair, and respectful. They require and expect the same from their partners in conversation else they put off the discussion until all parties can agree to speak. What they say is transcendent to the matter. They remain on topic. They are focused. They have developed the ability to distil what needs to be said to its essence. They are serious. They are perceptive and caring. They are unmasked.

Hopefully, this has been a pragmatic discourse as opposed to a didactic one that has taught you at least in part how to speak.

David20180101 75M  
72 posts
8/2/2018 7:48 pm

This may be your best blog for the glimpse of self insight you show in saying "Dont tell me I need to talk, tell me how to talk....". I do not pretend to be that person; but, I do know that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Recall our texting where I mentioned distinctions? That is a starting point. Learn to speak rather than talk, to hear rather than listen, to see rather than look. Remember to seek common interests in interactions rather than focus on the positions of those with whom you interact. You have many valuable gifts and talents. The trick is to learn how to effectively use them to your benefit. There is a time for wit and sarcasm and there is a time for pensiveness and focus on the future. Allow the student in you seek the teachers you need. I gave you the new smart phone for a reason. Now use it well, my dear lady.

Crazyfairy42574 45F  
308 posts
9/19/2017 11:52 am

Yes it is Pal...

pal334 65M  
38107 posts
9/19/2017 4:23 am

Just offering a hug is sometimes what a person needs.

Please cum visit my blog,,,,,,,,,,,,pal334

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