A big part of me.....  

DragonflyPassion 46F
0 posts
1/4/2016 10:38 am
A big part of me.....


Searching my way back to me, lost somewhere in my thoughts.

Human-
Hopeful Until Mind Answers Not

Being broken within, disbelief, heart against mind, no light, no purpose becomes blurred vision of self. Struggling to breathe with Past wounds that still hurt, continue to search in the dark for something to bring me back to happiness. Followed by crushing hope to little bits by extenuating circumstances and blind blindness. Pulled down while trying to surface. Need to adapt.....bury feelings. Push through, keep trying, misstep, stumbled. ...... shattering existence then hurt at being kicked down when down, repeat, repeat, repeat. Frustration, anger..... rebel into dark cave of self. Hibernate in sad thoughts. Hide self, hate self, want to heal, want to feel whole again. No help, no hope. Closed life.

Unconditional love from my Four little men who hold heartstrings of hugs that reel me to them. That bit of light shining thru tear blurred sight, keeps me from failing my hidden plight.

I know my Ears, do not open sound doors, .... to Advice..... that poured from its own neighbor Mouth. The back of my Mind, however unwilling, does in hindsight see 20/20 clearly; procrastination persists to ward off possible pain so at the forefront my Mind does refrain. This phenomenon is felt deeply and singularly unique. I know it only affects me, myself, and I....No-one else suffers these extremes so no one could possibly understand how I feel..........(says, ....... Meelp).

To be .....or ......not me....... is not always the question.
Who me?
What me?
When me?
Where Me?
How me?
......but in reality..... #1? ...... we ask,....

Why ME?

....
Helping Me, Recreate Myself,
I Think... I ...can.....,

Recycling hope with living a little bit ...
Soul searching, trouble shooting, problem solving, solution seeking......

Love from my four little men help me make it thru the struggles. They're the light, that pull me from the dark. Their smiles sincere, encourage, their hands held out for support, their eyes twinkle, their voices ring loud and their hearts full of love, for their mom, me. Each and every hug they give me helps mend pieces of my broken heart.

*********************************************

I used to be quite the optimist. Life happens... and somewhere along the way, I got myself stuck in a sadness that is overwhelming at times.

Even wisecracking my mind with the best physical and mental stimulating alternatives doe not change what my life has become. I am a very passionate person. But that passion came not just from loving life but more that I loved living life And as passionately as I could.

In real life.. ... when meeting people, there is a energy that is seen and felt that gives a true piece of you...,,,your aura.

Here, yes, I can hide all of that which is me and even if we meet, I can hide most of that which is me.........carnal pleasures are temporary and never feeds the hunger that aches in your soul.

We can all play make believe, just don't ask the questions if you truly don't want the answers.


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