Playing with someone who is married  

Mothercrasher 54M/51F  
81 posts
7/12/2015 10:08 am
Playing with someone who is married


Are you willing to play with a married half that says they are allowed to play alone? Are you willing to let that person cheat or will you require proof they are permitted to play alone?

19AllofMe72 46F

7/12/2015 10:26 am

From a female POV:
Most of the guys on here are married, separated, and/or attached and the other half has no clue. Still looking for that 1% that are single! lol

If you are a couple on here TOGETHER, permission is always (and should be) required from the other half.


laswinger3 47M  
105 posts
7/13/2015 3:18 pm

Very interesting topic. And as always, I'll weigh in on this topic from this single guy's point of view. I've been in and out of this lifestyle for over 2 decades now...between military deployments, extensive travel, and college schedules I wasn't always able to indulge myself or others for that matter. However, when I was able to play; the experience that I have/had in this lifestyle has come from married/attached couples. It was a couple who introduced me into this lifestyle; and playing with couples is all I've ever really known. From listening to their (couples) experiences I've learned a great deal over the course of my time in this lifestyle from them...mainly of what to do and what NOT to do as a single guy in this lifestyle. During that time and through my own observations, I've seen a great deal of ideal situations; as well as situations that were best to avoid.

I had heard from other couples and single friends of mine in the lifestyle who had married men and women approach them; and express the desire to play with them, with the assurance that their spouse was knowledgeable about the situation. THIS had never happened to me until about 2 years ago. A married lady from the S L S website had contacted me after seeing my profile their. She was very close in proximity to where I lived. She e-mailed me; and we chatted at great length...she even sent me a few photos of her (she was already able to see mine on my profile). During the course of our conversation, I kept alluding back to her husband's knowledge and approval of her lifestyle activity. After about the fourth or fifth time of trying to extract information about her husband's knowledge of her swinging activity, she shutdown the conversation; and I haven't heard from her since. I KNEW then that she was DEFINITELY NOT someone that I wanted to get involved with...ever.

The fact of the matter is, you're basically taking the word of ONE person in a marital relationship; and going on the assumption that the OTHER person is o.k. with it. I've always felt in this lifestyle that ASSUMING is the one thing that will get your ass in trouble. I've got to KNOW that things are as advertised. If, as a single guy, I go on an assumption (based on JUST the wife's word) that her husband is fine with his wife playing; I've POTENTIALLY set myself up to get embroiled in what could turn out to be a very volatile situation if her husband isn't aware and if we're caught. I WILL ALWAYS MEET WITH THE HUSBAND to make sure everything is on the up-and-up before we move forward...no ifs, ands, or buts. Cheating and swinging are two ENTIRELY different things...and I want no part of cheating. I WILL NOT do to someone else what I don't want done to me.

The flip side of that, is that from just taking the word of the wife (and assuming her husband is alright with the arrangement), I know absolutely nothing about her husband NOR how he would react. The last thing that I'd want, is to be approached by a guy (her husband) who I don't even know; and end up with a .44 put to the back of my head. I've known some jealous husbands (some I'm even friends with); and, be rest assured, I wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of the situation that I just described. When it comes to swinging, the couple has to BOTH EXPRESS TO ME that they are on the same page with it...or it's a "no-go". I don't care how drop-dead gorgeous the wife is...it's not worth the trouble that could come along with going on ONE person's word and ASSUMING things are alright to play. I know there are some guys who would throw caution to the wind and be "all about the pussy"; but, I can assure you, from what I've seen and heard...I'm NOT one of THOSE guys.

As a single guy, I'm VERY DISCREET about my participation in this lifestyle due to my standing in the community in which I live; and for the very fact that I have family in highly public jobs. I DO NOT want to hold a 20 question press conference on why I do what I do and who I do it with...it's none of their business. I go through great lengths to keep my swinging activity DISCREET. I've known singles AND couples who've gotten careless with the this discretion. And living in a close-knit community, it would be a social death knell for anyone's social standing and, in some cases, career if their lifestyle activities were found out. I believe that, for the growing number of swingers that we have now, some get too caught up in the lifestyle that they forget that there is a whole other world outside of ours...one that is very judgmental and does not share our beliefs and enjoyment of this lifestyle. THIS is all the more reason to be careful. I said all of that to set up this next TRUE story that happened around the area where I lived a few years ago.

This involved two separate situations with two different wives...and some of the same participants (some who were friends of mine). One of the wives had a husband who kept late hours; and the other had a husband who worked overseas for an oil company (by now, you kinda know where these stories are heading). I'm gonna try and make a long story short. In both cases and unbeknownst to the wives and their playmates, the husbands got suspicious of the wive's activities while he was away. To say that being hit with divorce papers were a big enough blow doesn't even come close to the fallout. When the court proceedings commenced, all of her playmates (some of whom were my friends...as a reminder), were supoenaed to testify in court. Needless to say, there were some long faces in that waiting room as they waited to be called to the stand for questioning. For the record, these proceedings involved couples with quite a few assets and some good stature in the community at the time. Everyone who took the stand, along with the wife, were confronted with some pretty damning evidence...EXPLICIT photos and audio (not sure about video). To make matters worse, some of this had gotten leaked into the community (that's that good ol' legal system for you). Again, it goes without saying, their names were MUD around the areas in which they lived. Years have passed since that time; but, the incidents are still etched in many of the people's minds around here.

There are a few more cautionary true stories; but, I think I've made the case about playing with married people who CLAIM that their spouse in o.k. with their lifestyle activity. When it comes to couples, I NEVER take one spouse's word without hearing from the other spouse. In that train of thought, I NEVER assume. To proceed in a situation like that is "playing with fire"...with a potential get burned in more ways than one. I respect a couple's relationship FIRST and FOREMOST...and communicate and play with a couple as a couple. Should a couple enjoy experimenting with the HOTWIFE aspect of this lifestyle (where the wife plays alone); then that's fine with me as well...but, I'M STILL GONNA CLEAR IT WITH THE HUSBAND.

Again, another fantastic blog...I enjoy reading them all...


NJGUY08090 52M
2167 posts
11/3/2015 10:03 pm

I would have no problem playing and having fun


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