Another way to think about open relationships...  

Red_Elf 45F  
679 posts
6/30/2016 9:02 pm
Another way to think about open relationships...

So, when I got into this stuff at first, my ex had a crazy higher sex drive than mine and I found that exploring increased my interest in sex, which seemed to be pretty helpful. Most of the people I knew were having more sex, or sex with more people that led to a fairly significant amount of sex, but tonight something I realized before just sunk in a lot deeper.

I've always known that one of the things that is nice about open relationships is that no one has to be everything to any one person. It's very uncommon for two people to share every single interest in common. That being said, it goes a bit more beyond this...

A friend was saying how she had to really "be mean" by her standards to one of our mutual friends who just wouldn't back down. He kept thinking if he did this thing or that it would turn into something romantic...which she wasn't interested in.

She felt bad, and we were talking about "just friends" being such a minimizing phrase, so I reminded her that women aren't sex bots where you put niceness coins inuntil sex falls out...which she just loved, having not heard it before.

And then we talked about how in general, we are absolutely DONE with relationships where people think it's our job to meet their sex needs...and how we won't be doing that to anyone else, either...

...and it reminded me of how, when I first met my main squeeze, there was a lot of freedom in knowing that if something wasn't my cup of tea, he could find it elsewhere. I didn't have to do all the things...because I didn't control his access to sex. This left a lot of room for me to explore with him at my own pace, and test things out...and build trust...until I wanted to try more things...and at this point, there is very little I don't try with him.

I have multiple friends with low, or no, sex drives who actually prefer the freedom FROM sex that open relationships afford them.

...because when you don't control the access to sex, you can have sex because only because you want to and how you want to.

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zathomas2 21M
11 posts
6/30/2016 9:14 pm

i agree with you completely

lickable_me1 52M
207 posts
6/30/2016 9:51 pm

Wow and here I thought you get into an open relationship to make an already great sex life even better not to put a bandaid on the hole a lack of desire for your SO has caused.. I mean this reads like I don't want to be intimate with my SO but it's ok because he can sleep with others and you can get your jollies with someone new. Let's look at this from another perspective. Your SO wants sex 3 times a week let's say 1hour each time There are 7 days in a week 24 hours in a day that equals 168 hours Let's say you sleep 8 hours a day (most people don't) that's 56 hours, subtract that from 168 and you get 112 take off another 40 if you work and your at 72 hours of free time. Is your SO really asking for to much wanting 3 hours out of 72?

discreteSteve62 55M  
1927 posts
7/2/2016 11:34 pm

I'm not sure I've heard the "put niceness in until sex falls out" thing either. It's a good one. I'm glad it helped your friend feel more comfortable about being "mean" in that way.

londonbridge1992 37M
87 posts
7/8/2016 10:59 pm


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