Sometimes it takes awhile...  

Red_Elf 45F  
679 posts
7/2/2017 1:10 pm
Sometimes it takes awhile...

So, I have a conflicted relationship with how I view my last long-term SO. The guy saved my ass in so many ways when my life was at a critical juncture and i would not be on the path I am today, holding my own for the most part, if it hadn't been for him stepping up and helping me.

But the end of our relationship didn't go well...because rather than getting therapy and dealing with his commitment issues, he used another person in our open relationship to drive a wedge between us.

I knew what was going on. I talked to him about it repeatedly, and he chose to take her side and left me high and dry.

Well, part of what happened is she said something that was really very shitty, I decided it was time for us to meet, and she insisted she hates LA and was never going to come here ever again unless it was for a wedding or a funeral. She lives out east, but apparently, money for travel is no option. She just "hates LA, or so she said.

Guess who I ran into at the Farmer's Market this morning...

I'm sure it's no surprise if I tell you it was the two of them.

I'm fairly certain this is hardly the first time she's been in town to spend time with him. It's just the first time I actually ran into them...which is also hardly surprising because we live a mile apart and everything I know around here is somehow related to all the time I spent with him.

So, I saw him, said hello, gave him a hug, ignored her completely and walked away.

My emotions are always on the surface when it comes to him, a rare thing, indeed, which speaks volumes to my deep level of attachment. I had to really work at it to make tears NOT come. There's no way I could have even spoken to her if I wanted to.

I mean, I didn't want to talk to lying liar face to begin with...but I also couldn't.

So, vindicated. He was treating me badly. She was treating me badly. I knew it. They denied it.

Obviously I knew what was going on.

I want to go off on both of them, frankly, but I won't. I won't because I've already let him have it multiple times and I won't with her because it will just upset him, I said...I've already let him have it and he's apologized repeatedly...but he also never took responsibility to fix the problem, so I don't want to be friends at this point, and so far, any efforts to reclaim even that have gone badly.

It is what it that...and having to file an "Innocent Spouse" form with the IRS because my ex underreported income in 2014, which was also quite traumatic in an entirely different way...the last three days have been a bit rough...but also are an illustration of how far I've come, because these kinds of high level emotional traumas were far more routine in 2016.

So, for the record, I definitely know now that he didn't deserve me.

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TicklePlease 51F  
11840 posts
7/3/2017 4:43 am

Totally a win for you at the Farmers Market!

Red_Elf replies on 7/4/2017 7:55 am:

porterpiper1 52F
3739 posts
7/4/2017 2:41 am

wow, but you knew what was going on so it help you with your healing and how to handle both of them, Good for you it will take time

Red_Elf replies on 7/4/2017 7:54 am:
I felt like it was fairly obvious, but maybe he simply was in denial because he wanted... what he wanted...which simply was he didn't want to feel tied down and that let him escape that.

japaneseass 51F  
47547 posts
7/6/2017 4:19 am

i went though similar thing with my ex...he was a chronic cheater, and he had multiple partners beside me, and each partners had their own perfect lives with him...

i kind of knew what was going on, but myself, I was in denial...or so i wanted to believe....

until, he ended up knocking one up...and while we were married, he started to live with her....

and his explanation to me was that, she was a single mom and she and the unborn child needed him more than i did...the fuck they did...

he and his partners were constantly lying...and destroying me and and jeopardizing my daughter's well-being....

fuck his logic...that was it...

i chose to be a single mom that summer...i filed divorce...

Red_Elf replies on 7/6/2017 3:08 pm:
Yeah, I met a friend of a friend this weekend and we both we saying that we don't think the problem was the dating others. At the same time, we both agreed we'd rather date monogamously when people begin getting attached.

ProfPlayful 55M
3857 posts
7/22/2017 10:04 am

By your description they are both dishonest. She is also shallow. It's a shame your relationship had to end that way but you learned something important about both of them.

And you are stronger now than ever before. I am proud of you.

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