If My Truck Could Talk  

TrucknLuvn 55M/37F  
749 posts
8/26/2017 5:06 am

Last Read:
10/16/2018 10:10 am

If My Truck Could Talk

The following snippets are a few of the good, the bad, and the ugly things that we have seen on the road, as told by our custom built Freightliner Cascadia, "Frankie Flash."

Warning: He's rather blunt and can be quite opinionated! Unfortunately, he does not have that particular type of filter installed in his engine.


Snippet #1: "You can't hide from me! I see everything!"

Dude! I totally saw you picking your nose, so don't pretend that you weren't! You didn't have to stop the excavation of your nostrils on my accord. Next time, I encourage you to proudly pick your nose and I'll use my air horn to cheer you on as you pass on by! Keep on digging for that gold and be sure to pick me a winner!


Snippet #2: "Speaking of picking..."

Pickers are everywhere and they come in a variety of shapes and sizes. It is not unusual to see the same picker do two or more of the picker styles in the short amount of time it takes them to pass me. I do find it amusing that they will generally pause their picking as they pass by my side windows. As if I didn't already see them picking away a half mile back! Puh!

For educational purposes, here are some examples of the endless variety of picker styles I have seen on the road.

•The nose picker - By far, the most common.
•The scab picker - Yeah, pick it off! Now bleed baby bleed!
•The teeth picker - Get that green stuff outta there!
•The finger nail picker - Not to be confused with the nail biter and not an improvement either.
•The hair picker - They make a shampoo for that!
•The clothing picker - If it is too tight, don't wear it!
•The skin picker - Please don't eat your sunburn peelings while driving!
•The ear picker - Usually followed up with the ear wax sniff. Or worse, the follow up taste test.
•The zit picker - Pop that pesky pustule!
•The butt picker - My personal favorite, particularly when they follow it up with the sniff test. This occasionally results in an involuntarily gag reflex test.
•The guitar picker- Incredibly rare! I have only seen this once and the guy proved to be the multitasking picker champion of the world! He made driving a car while picking away at his guitar look entirely too easy. That dude was as cool as the underside of the pillow. Respect!


Snippet #3: "What have you been smoking? And where can I get some?"

I can't even begin to count how many times I've spotted someone smoking a joint as they toodle down the road. The cool part about the weed smokers is that they usually forget to hide their doobies until they notice me looking and then I get to enjoy watching them panic as they play "hide the ganja." I've also seen a handful of stoners out there that don't even bother trying to stash it. I'm guessing they are either too stoned to notice me looking or they just don't care who sees it. Personally, I don't judge as long as you puff, puff, pass... right on by my big fat chasis!


Snippet #4: "Where's the boobies?"

I have seen as many boob flashes as I have tires on my rear axle. For the record, that is two sets of tires. You can do that math. That being said, it is my professional opinion that there are not enough boobies on the road! Come on ladies, don't be shy! Show me your fun bags and I'll let you see my own voluptuous air bags! Not to mention, a glimpse of a fine set of titties might just perk a sleepy driver up just enough to make it to the next rest area or truck stop! See? Flashing those beautiful breasts at a trucker may just save his or her life! At the very least, a peek at your perkies will always be greatly appreciated.

On the subject of nudity (and I hate to admit this) I have seen more weiners than any of the other, more fun, body parts while on the road! Seeing your schlong while trying to drive just as bad, if not worse, than the dreaded unsolicited penis pic. Not to mention, I am a captive audience! I can't exactly escape a traffic tallywhacker flash, guys! Please keep it in your pants until you get home! Thank you!


So, there you have it! Those were a few of the many things we get to see or not see from the driver's seat of our truck! Who knows? Perhaps Frankie Flash will share some more of his tales from the road sometime soon!

♡Jess: The Trucker Babe


Want more? Be sure to check out my blog: TrucknLuvn!

tmacshane26 34M
2092 posts
8/26/2017 4:50 pm

Welcome back Jess! I always look forward to reading your blog. Hope you are enjoying the road and staying safe.

TrucknLuvn replies on 8/27/2017 6:35 am:
Thanks! It's good to be back! Don't worry, we're always safe when we're on the road!

pocogato12 67F  
28799 posts
8/26/2017 5:52 am

this is a priceless post to start the weekend!!! I will add my vision of the nose folks:
At a busy intersection there is often a six way halt as the train goes thru. I can see all lanes everywhere including the ones behind me There are
Pickers and eaters
Pickers and flingers
Pump Handle pickers( their elbows go up and down)
Grave pickers- their in there up to the palm joint)
Make-up pickers-( picking while applying mascara)
and lastly what I saw was GAG Pickers and eaters
End of photo essay
Glad to see you back

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group

TrucknLuvn replies on 8/26/2017 5:59 am:
Thank you for this priceless addition to the picker section, Poco! I love it!! The green gobby pickers are always such a riot! lol

It's good to be back! Sometimes it's tough to get anything worthwhile written while on the road, but I do try to make at least a monthly appearance here in blogland! Hope you've been well, darlin!

Prof10001 59M
3333 posts
8/26/2017 5:36 am

Great post. Thanks for the laugh.

Swing by my blog!

TrucknLuvn replies on 8/26/2017 5:39 am:
It's always a pleasure to brighten someone's day with humor! Thanks for stopping by!

TrucknLuvn 55M/37F  
1598 posts
8/26/2017 5:11 am

Whatcha lookin' at?!?


♡Jess: The Trucker Babe


Want more? Be sure to check out my blog: TrucknLuvn!

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