"Is There Anything You'd Like to Ask Me?"  

VenusRedux2 44F
338 posts
4/24/2017 12:28 pm
"Is There Anything You'd Like to Ask Me?"

This is a ridiculous question. Learn to stop asking it.

The inevitable question: Him: Is there anything you’d like to ask me?

No, there isn’t. If there was, I’d have IMed you to do so.

This is ALWAYS because men have given absolutely NO thought whatsoever as to where to take the conversation once it gets started. There is always a specific moment where this question comes up ... it is always early in the conversation, immediately after the checklist questions.

You know what I mean by "checklist questions" …

How are you today?
What are you up to?
What are you looking for?
What do you do for a living?
Do you have pics?

...uh oh, out of questions to ask...

Umm, is there anything you’d like to ask me?

As the guy, MAN UP and take the lead.

You initiated the conversation, the burden is on you to carry that conversation. This is a clumsy attempt at sidestepping a social responsibility that you shouldn't be trying to sidestep in the first place!

You need more than a few basic questions to get things flowing. None of those questions open up conversation in any meaningful way. There’s just not enough range of possible responses to get things moving. These are all questions that universally get met with vague and guarded responses.

The perennial problem in chatting with women online is how to make conversation out of nothing. It isn’t the easiest skill in the world to master, nor does it come natural to most people. Especially when dealing with someone who has no pic and a vague profile, the cards are really stacked against you.

However, I’ve tried it and it CAN be done. I gave my specific thought process in this post – Play by Play of How I Have Conversations. Included in that is how to handle monosyllabic grunt-like responses. Maybe you don’t like my approach, I don’t claim to have the only successful method, but having no method at all is guaranteed failure.

You simply cannot fall back on "Is there anything you’d like to ask me?" to bail you out of a mess of a conversation you created by your lack of forethought.

BiggLala 48F  
27759 posts
4/25/2017 6:56 am

    Quoting  :

"So sweet talk me into a meet"
-You know what I find sad about that? That woman most likely has and will find men who will cater to her, and do it. 😕 That said, can't blame her too much can we? Hell, it's [apparently] worked enough for her that she keeps trying that tactic; stick with what works, right?

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VenusRedux2 replies on 4/25/2017 7:25 am:
There's also a type here that wants to feel superior by putting others down. In this case, maybe she just wants to feel desired. But I'd also be on high alert that she's setting up a situation of "Bring your best game so that my ridicule will hurt all the more." Even if I'm wrong, something is definitely off with it. I too would have dumped her in a heartbeat.

BiggLala 48F  
27759 posts
4/25/2017 6:51 am

When he's asking the question, he's not asking expecting an answer. He's asking because he's calling her out on being completely self-absorbed.
-Ahhh, gotcha! Thank you for clarifying that. Still doesn't compute to me--in terms of that type of woman, as I don't understand that mentality--but I understand where he's coming from now. I might engage someone in conversation for a time until I can determine if I/we want to go further, but if there's nothing there...yeah, I'm not wasting more time. I don't need the ego stroke...or rather, what little ego I have is not stroked that way.

Thanks again.

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VenusRedux2 replies on 4/25/2017 7:17 am:
Well adjusted people don't.

angeldemoted 40F  
53 posts
4/24/2017 3:17 pm

Okay I'm so glad this is not just me. I every time i get this I feel like I'm less curious then everyone else if they're expecting me to ask more.

VenusRedux2 replies on 4/25/2017 5:22 am:
Nope, not just you. It's really a socially awkward question. It would NEVER come up in a real life situation ... say at a bar. In the real world, guys are more in tune with the social expectations and etiquette. If she's not opening up after a few rounds of conversation, it is time to leave it alone and move on to someone else. Yet online, they forget themselves. I've been asked this 4 lines into a conversation and had to ask myself "Are you kidding me right now?"

There's nothing more being asked of you. You're not missing a social cue. The person who initiates the conversation is the captain of the ship, and as such they're responsible for steering it.

Love the profile pic by the way.

BiggLala 48F  
27759 posts
4/24/2017 2:53 pm

Depending on when I receive that question (mostly during an initial conversation), I've always thought, 'Yep, this is the end. Time to say goodbye.' My answer is always 'no'. I think if someone wants to know about you, they will ask or have already asked. Granted, a part of the equation is generating interest in you in that person's mind in the first place, which you've addressed in earlier posts.

I don't understand the portion of Rex's comment where he said he asks the question of someone who's expressed no interest in him before ending contact. I don't understand that. My logic compels me to wonder what motivates a person to expend their time and energy on someone who expressed no interest in them. I'm sorry, but that doesn't compute to me.

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VenusRedux2 replies on 4/25/2017 5:12 am:
I understand Rex's comment. There is a certain type of woman here who will respond to every question asked of them, and can potentially talk for days or weeks, yet will never once express any interest in the guy she's talking to. So the guy ends up talking and talking and talking -- and doing an admirable job in keeping the conversation alive -- yet it's so completely one sided that he finally has to give up.

She'll respond and open up about her job, her relationships, even her political opinions if he asks. In my experience, even graphical sexual details aren't met with any resistance (though, also in my experience, those details are clearly embellished). Yet, through all of this, she is TOTALLY disinterested in his opinions on those matters or any other.

I understand being guarded and reserved initially. Eventually, though, that has to change in order for things to continue. If I'm THAT disinterested in someone, I don't keep accepting their chat requests. I don't continue to respond to their emails. I don't stay in it out of some misplaced sense of politeness.

When he's asking the question, he's not asking expecting an answer. He's asking because he's calling her out on being completely self-absorbed.

This type isn't as rare as you'd imagine. A lot of them gravitate to blog-land where they pimp themselves out for attention, yet care nothing about the rest of the community. They don't read anyone else's blog. They certainly don't comment anywhere else. For them, it is entirely an exercise in vanity. Hey, that's their right, each person's blog is their own fiefdom. But it doesn't make them any less self-absorbed.

papis_baby_girl 41F
5210 posts
4/24/2017 2:18 pm

conversation killer...

I know when I'm thrown that, especially after I ask him to "tell me a bit about yourself" and get 'ask me anything, my life is an open book', my eyes roll back in my head and I'm just like, nah... I'm not a reporter, not here to interview you.

then I check out.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
-Anais Nin

"I am big, it's the pictures that got small!"
-Norma Desmond

VenusRedux2 replies on 4/24/2017 2:42 pm:
I give the same canned answer of "Out of conversation? Already?" We all have our own canned responses to the usual questions.

Also, whenever people say "My life is an open book" or anything that indicates they're willing to be open and honest, I'm on high alert. The more attention that has to be drawn to their honesty, the more I'm questioning why they're overcompensating.

maybejustrex4 52M  

4/24/2017 1:58 pm

Let me start by saying you are right. Yes, that is lame. Having said that, I will now explain when and how I use that question.

I have, on many occasions here, successfully started conversations with people who have had nothing to talk about BUT themselves. The demographics of this site have removed from many women members all recognition of the possible need to be charming in a conversation.

Some number of you are glorious, thank god, you just are. You are conversationally aware, give something back and even sometimes can politely say to someone that they are not your cup of tea. I don't think this intellect or education, I just think only some people are aware they are actually talking with humans. Sadly, you are not the majority of women here.

When I ask your forbidden question it is because i have learned a great deal about someone over a given length of time and that person has expressed no interest in finding out about me. When they don't have anything they care to ask, I assume I have hooked a narcissist, cut the line, thank them politely and go about my business. I use your question but it is the last question I ask before I say goodbye.

VenusRedux2 replies on 4/24/2017 2:19 pm:
That's definitely a type of woman to avoid here. I will admit, there's an attraction to this place for women. We have a significant share of power initially. It's intoxicating.

It is also artificial and superficial. And many women haven't realized that yet.

I would agree, you use the question differently than what this post is actually about. The post is about using the question as a substitute for a lack of forethought, and it is clear you put a lot of forethought into your conversations.

I do have some notes about "Types of women you should just learn to avoid" ... maybe I'll include the self-absorbed princess when I finally get it all together.

benard69 63M/63F  
4986 posts
4/24/2017 12:54 pm

Is there anything we could ask you??? (Smiles)

VenusRedux2 replies on 4/24/2017 1:37 pm:
Didn't think I was that interesting. But if people really want to know, ask away.

notsure1949 70M
9336 posts
4/24/2017 12:35 pm

well written

VenusRedux2 replies on 4/24/2017 1:37 pm:

VenusRedux2 44F
518 posts
4/24/2017 12:33 pm

Reiterating: NO! There is NOTHING I want to ask you!

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