How to get that critical first response  

VenusRedux2 44F
340 posts
2/7/2017 12:23 pm
How to get that critical first response


Here’s what I’ve learned about trying to get a response out of women here. It took a lot of experimentation to get a decent formula down, but here’s what I’ve come up with.

DO: Be concise
Shorter is better. That long, well thought out essay you wrote … It isn’t being read. Sorry. At best I only skimmed over it.

DO: Ask a question!
Nothing worse than having someone initiate a conversation, but leave me with nothing to respond with. Give me an opening here. I shouldn’t be left with my one response being “Umm, ok.”

DON’T: Flatter
Flattery with get you nowhere. First, insincere flattery is a conversation killer. No one has ever successfully faked it. Second, even with sincere flattery, she hears it so much that you’re adding to it simply blends in with the background noise. Mostly though, it leaves me with nothing to say except “Thank you.” It then forces you to change the subject. You’ve only got so much time to get onto a subject that makes me want to talk to you. This wastes precious lines on something that isn’t advancing the conversation to that point in any meaningful way.

DO: Be a gentleman, but don’t be overly gentlemanly
This one goes both ways. By all means, be polite and dignified. However, we know why we’re here, don’t think it is fooling anyone by pretending to be somehow above it all. You know full well where you want the conversation to go. The thing is, I want it to go there too. Just don’t force it there awkwardly in the opening line. That’s a sure fire way to repel women.

DO: Spell and grammar check
Badly constructed sentences and glaring errors sends all the wrong messages, as if you couldn’t be bothered to take the 2 ½ seconds to proof it before sending. I’m personally a little more forgiving for obvious autocorrects (I’ve just gotten used to seeing ‘way’ for ‘what’). Mobile devices virtually require autocorrect to compensate for large thumbs, so I’m of the opinion we will just have to get used to dealing with the issues that come with that. But understand that other women may not be of the same mindset.

DON’T: Use pet names
It is a lame attempt to create intimacy where there is none. We don’t have that kind of relationship, I don’t know you like that. It just makes things awkward for me. I have yet to meet a woman who was ok with this. Maybe we don’t make an issue out of it, but it is pretty universal that we hate it. Addressing the obvious counter-response immediately: No, I don’t care that you say that to everyone. Do you want to hold onto weird idiosyncrasies? Or do you want to talk to more women?

DON’T: Ask me to text you or kik you
Yes, I know it is easier to communicate there. We’ll get there, eventually, just not on the opening line (or even the first 10 lines). I need to know you’re worth giving it out to. What if we don’t click? I’m afraid I won’t be able to get rid of you. The last thing I want is you having my #, or email, or kik. Why on Earth would your first contact with me be asking me for this?

DO: Understand the difference between the spoken word and the written word.
If we were to get a transcript of what we actually say out loud, we would be shocked at how nearly incomprehensible it would be. It would be littered with oddly constructed sentences with way too many clauses. Do try to sound natural, but don’t be overly natural.

And finally, of everything that is said here, this is the one you want to walk away with (so much so I’m going to put it all in bold):

DO: Be mildly challenging
This is a tricky skill to master, but it is absolutely essential that you do. You want to put her in a position where she feels compelled to respond. The hard part is not being too aggressive in doing so. You want her to be somewhat defensive, but so much so that it induces anger. In fact, if done right, she won’t even realize she’s defensive. She’ll actually like it that you’re keeping her on her toes.


Examples, both good and bad:

48 well experienced years in the art of fun and sexual enjoyment.

This is a good example of (1) no question and nothing for me to respond to except to say “ok” and (2) it is an oddly constructed sentence that sounds better spoken out loud than it does written down.

Verdict: I didn’t get rude or abrasive with him. I simply didn’t respond.

Hello [blank] this clean healthy ddf gentleman in the [blank] area of [blank] County with an above average appetite for sexual adventures might like to spice up the evening for you.(and me)Of course. I have a nice bottle of champagne to get things started and certain that we would have a lot of laughs and a great night together. So now its up to you, if you are serious about having an evening of fun that you will remember forever I awaite your reply

Couple of things wrong here. (1) Too long. (2) No question. (3) Several BAD spelling and grammar mistakes. I give him credit for trying to rouse interest, but it fails to do so. It is neither challenging nor entertaining. In defense of him being unusually forward, he was responding to a trashy profile I had where I was being over-the-top slutty (this is how I amuse myself when things get boring). So I’m not criticizing him for that, he was merely reflecting back the level of sexuality I was putting out.

Verdict: Next! Moved along without ever even reading it.

Here are things I have successfully used under my male account that has successfully struck up a conversation:

Didn’t get enough excitement over the weekend?

It is mildly suggesting that she didn’t get any over the weekend. I mean, she IS here isn’t she?

Verdict: The response I got was “LOL, I did, just not enough.” Wasn’t much of a response. The LOL is a good sign (which she would later overuse in EVERY line she typed back, oi). It allowed a natural springboard into what we both did with our respective weekends … otherwise known as “a conversation.”

You’re much too young for a place like this, you sure you can handle all the attention?

Mind you, on my profile I listed myself as a 41 year old married man with no pic and a vague profile, and I’m going after a 20 yr old with trashy pics on her profile. This took some advanced skills to pull off, both in initially getting her interest and then later keeping it. No doubt she was getting lit up with chat requests, so I had to stand out a bit.

Verdict: She got defensive at first, “Who said I’m too young??” That led to a me leading the conversation to how her trashy pics must generate more attention than she can handle. Took some skill to keep her interest after that, but that’s a blog post for another time. Hey, I don’t see you guys posting accounts of how you were successful in getting the attention of slutty 20-somethings.

I don’t see any condoms in those pics, you must really trust your partner

Technically, it violates one of my rules about it not being a question. However, it invites a very clear response. You can imagine how girls here posting action shots of themselves gets attention by the boatload. It was not flattery (insincere or otherwise). Everyone sends her that, so no point going there. Instead of being like everyone, I went in the other direction to stand out.

Verdict: She felt compelled to explain herself. Yes, it was a longtime partner who she lives with. Hardly an unexpected answer, but hey, I got her talking.

I hope you enjoyed my quick primer on how to initiate conversations with women here. By all means, especially guys, if you have insights as to what has been working for you, share them. If you're having more success, that means women too are having more success. We all win.



Peachfishhuntin 55M

2/7/2017 9:27 pm

I have found over the years that if they are honest with themselves about what they are looking for they'll find it. When I send out emails no formula just gut instinct, and sometimes I send more than one giving some time in between.
But first things first I never waste my time writing to a lady or couple that I don't think I don't have quite a bit in common with, for those who don't share much I don't expect much. The KISS method (keep it simple stupid)!


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/9/2017 6:15 am:
Simple is definitely the way to go.

There's a lot to be said about being honest about what you're looking for, but that's a discussion for another post. Too many people box themselves in early in the conversation, then when it isn't what they want things inevitably go sideways. However, this post was exclusively about that all important first line to get her attention. Most guys could use some insights as to what women are thinking and how they're reacting to the usual emails/chat requests that come their way.

_Vain_ 44M

2/7/2017 7:38 pm

Ok I'll bite. I've been on this site longer then any member I know of in my local area. In that time I have met dozens of single women and couples.
Although your post was informative. I don't use any of the techniques you listed.
I do however base my initial message on content from their profile. If there is little content, it gives me little to base a message on.
Sending some respectful emails, never sending dick pics (because I don't actually have any, not ever will) seems to work well for me.

I would never devote the time to create multiple profiles of different genders just prove theories or alleviate boredom.

Thanks for stopping by, please visit again.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/8/2017 2:35 pm:
With a body like that, you don't have to say much. As for the rest of us, a little help is needed

greekphilosopher 56M
4085 posts
2/7/2017 3:50 pm

The last time I was in here and able to send messages, I found out that what worked better for me was to let the woman lead me on. I was not been above it, just knew, if she is not in the mood, there was little I could do to get her there. And if she chatted to 10 guys that week or even day, I did not want to be number 11 who turns the conversation to sex after 15 minutes. It goes with the thought and will of wanting to be different. So, patience is the name of my game. Plus I was looking for even if we were meant to meet only once. A long way around it? May be yes, but for a better reward, in my little mind.


BiggLala 47F  
26701 posts
2/7/2017 1:30 pm

Great read. I'd be interested in reading men's comments, complete with examples, on what has worked for them. Unfortunately, I doubt any will comment.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/7/2017 2:15 pm:
I'm DYING to know myself. Not in any mocking way, I honestly want to know.

Become a member to create a blog