It's All About Rhythm, the Rhythm Divine  

VenusRedux2 44F
338 posts
2/19/2019 12:40 pm
It's All About Rhythm, the Rhythm Divine





A large part of the problems in talking to women and meeting them is because our rhythms aren't in sync. In this game, rhythm is everything.





In Online Conversation

When most men contact me, they are in a state of hyper-arousal. They want to cum, but would prefer to do it with someone than alone with porn. No judgments here. If you want sex, there’s nothing wrong with going out and looking for it. There’s nothing shameful about wanting sex.

However, whereas men are in a state of perpetual hyper-arousal here, I’ll wager that most women are in a state of complete and total non-arousal. We’d like to get aroused, that’s why we come here. I’m not here because I’m already aroused, but because I’d like to get myself aroused. You know, one of those rub one out to get the day off to a good start.

Think about how that affects the rhythm of conversation. Both parties need the online conversation to match their physical state. The problem is that we’re in two very different parts of the process. Men are all the way at the part immediately before orgasm, and women are trying to get the engine fired up. Little wonder why neither party is clicking.

I addressed this in my last post about porn. Porn is a lot like alcohol. Even people who think they can handle it and don’t feel impaired, the impairment is there and is noticeable to everyone else around them. The only ones fooled are themselves. Similarly with porn. When you’re hyper-aroused, your social and conversation skills are severely impaired, as are your inhibitions. You may think you’re hiding it well, but no one here is fooled. It’s actually coming across quite thick and unmistakable.

Trust me, women here are total and complete freaks. This is a place where we can act upon all our slutty fantasies. Look at how many women are so freely posting pussy shots. I mean, they’re just putting it out there. And seriously, I have a bit of a history with vagina that is not my own, and I have to say, some of you gals have some nasty looking snatches that should probably remain hidden from view. Yet here they are, giving it away for free in all its slutty glory.

The point is that you need to tap into the woman’s natural rhythm of arousal and climax. Just because she’s here and wants some sexual release doesn’t mean you can fast forward through the first 87 minutes of the movie. You still need to establish the characters, define the plot, build the world … otherwise the movie is going to suck no matter how dramatically Dwayne The Rock Johnson saves the day.

So introduce yourself, let me get to know you, let me see what you’re about and what kind of guy you are. We’ll feel each other out and define the nature of the relationship we’re looking for and how serious or casual it will be. Let’s discover our sexual preferences together, not blast it onto the screen 4 lines into the conversation. It’s not fun because it’s not in rhythm. It's just weird and awkward from the woman's point of view.

As to why so many women don’t want to meet

Again, rhythm. When men invite a woman over 8 lines into the conversation, what is he expecting?

Knock on the door
Come in
Thanks, my god you look handsome! Even better than your pics
Aww, shucks
You still worked up and horny like before?
You know it!
Kissing
Hands start wandering, clothes make their way off
Oh my god, you’re so big, I can’t wait to have that in my mouth, can I suck on it?

This is what is expected from . No one treats women this way, and no woman responds this way.

Let’s get painfully real for a second: No matter how horny you both just were a few minutes ago talking online, just jumping straight into sex in person is unrealistic and weird for both parties.

Now, what is a woman imagining will happen should she accept an invitation to meet in person 8 lines into a conversation?

Knock on the door
Come in
Thank you, your place looks nice
No, it doesn’t, but I’m too nice to point out that you shouldn’t have invited me if you couldn’t be bothered to at least hide your piles of laundry
Thanks, did you find the place ok?
Yeah, the directions were spot on
Great

Awkwardness
What's going on here? Am I supposed to kiss him? Hug him? Give him a hearty handshake? Do I tear his clothes off? Do I WANT to tear his clothes off? Should I just go ahead and start taking mine off? Something is supposed to be happening, and it's clearly not happening.

So.... ummm... Would you like something to drink?
Sure
Sit on the couch
Here you go
So what were you up to, just watching tv?
Yeah
Lies! You mere masturbating furiously only a few minutes ago, you made sure to send me 19 pics of it
Anything good?
Not really

More awkwardness

… …
So… what do you like to watch?…
… … …

Really, you finally get a woman to come over, presumably for sex, and you end up reruns of Seinfeld? Little wonder why she's not tempted by your offer.

Wake up! This is nobody’s idea of a good time!

But what else happens can possibly happen instead? Ultimately, I would be standing in a stranger’s living room trying to make awkward conversation with the pressure of sex looming over me. We’re not clicking because I don’t know the guy, and he doesn’t know me. However bad boring and awkward conversation is online, it’s now 1000 times worse having it happen in person without any easy exit.

Erotic fiction often starts this way and ends up having toe-curling sex. In real life, however, this scenario always ends badly.

Now, if you're thinking that being smooth and suave and trying to find the perfect middle ground between the and awkward stupidity ... that's good, that's what you should be doing. But you're not that guy! If you had the skills to pull that off, you would have displayed that already in the online conversation!

The problem here comes back to rhythm. The request to meet is falling in a point in the conversation where it is out of rhythm. When we’re in rhythm, meeting in person will feel natural and comfortable.

Consider for a moment a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1: Against the odds, you manage to get things hot and heavy with a hot 20-something nubile college . She’s just looking for a some wild college experiences, and sex is up there on her agenda. There is no real conversation, it’s all graphic sex chat and sending tons of trashy selfies. After a few weeks of this, you suggest meeting for dinner. She declines and things proceed to fall apart quickly thereafter. She eventually stops responding entirely.

Here's what happened: Dinner?!? The rhythm that was established did not lend itself for a dinner date. You established a rhythm of NSA sex, then changed to Relationship mode on her abruptly and without warning. That’s a rhythm killer. She’s never going to accept that.

Scenario 2: After weeks of playing it safe, the girl you’ve been working on gets harder and harder to talk to. She’s clearly avoiding you and not responding. When finally able to press for details, she tells you rather harshly that you’re boring and she’s not really interested. You then prove to her that you really are an exciting guy and go into graphic detail about how you’re all about hosting interracial anal gangbangs on the weekends (possibly including goats). She says thanks, but no thanks. You sit there confused as to what just happened.

Here's what happened: This new rhythm is out of sync with what has been established in the weeks prior. If that’s the rhythm you wanted, you should have been introducing that much, much sooner. Otherwise it just sounds like a contrivance of saying anything to keep her talking. She’s not interested in last ditch efforts.

In conclusion, meeting women is more than just what you say, but also when and how you introduce it. We all have natural rhythms. When you’re too horny and you start skipping to “the good parts” because “we both know why we’re here,” you break the rhythm and shoot yourself in the foot.



40Deuce 42M
5727 posts
2/21/2019 4:26 pm

Did you enjoy Comedians Riding in Cars Getting Coffee?

Generally , depends on the guest

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/23/2019 6:13 am:
I kinda like the cars he matches with the guests. I wonder what my vintage car would be.

A fine tuned supersonic speed machine?

Or do I have class like a 57 Cadillac?

redrockrascal 61M
21092 posts
2/21/2019 1:18 pm

VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 6:52 am:
I don't know. I've never heard of it happening where a woman not only initiated contact (a rare enough species), but also aggressively pushed hard for immediate anonymous sex (that's just a mythical unicorn).

If I were a guy and this happened, I'd wouldn't believe it was real and would be thinking I'm being set up for something. Whether it is for the lolz or something more serious like being robbed I wouldn't know .... but I wouldn't stay long enough to find out.

Or possibly they're sex workers, and should you agree they'd hit you with their rates.

I've had it happen twice so far on this site and a friend of mine had a similar experience. Neither were sex workers and one paid for the hotel room. Since I actually read women's profiles I would imagine your suggestion that it is rare is incorrect at best.

I also imagine that while some people agree with your statements/views they are not representative of all women.

Yes, I did consider the possible negative consequences, but like all my meets they start off with voice communication and in a public location.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/23/2019 5:56 am:
Interesting, I never would have thought it

HAMONMAN 60M
9641 posts
2/21/2019 10:00 am

Quoting HAMONMAN:
Is this another man-bashing post?

VenusRedux2: Did you miss the paragraph in there about women with ugly snatches?

Oh … it's a people bashing post. My mistake.

Oh !


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/23/2019 5:58 am:
Hard not to when people just make it so easy. But seriously, I started blogging when I was just dying to have a decent conversation here. Didn't have to be graphically sexual. Just anything to get me out of my near hypnotic auto-pilot state that I'm usually in when I'm here. It's just the same lame stuff day after day. Doesn't anyone know how to have a conversation?

bulehyatt 61M  
1670 posts
2/21/2019 6:22 am

replies on 2/21/2019 8:41 pm:
Gotta be honest with you here, for all the advice here, I truly do not know how these NSA/FWB things work beyond a few weeks or months.


We may be talking about different things, Venus. I don't see how a friendship - especially a friendship involving fucking each other - can operate on the basis of NSA. Of course there must be basic strings of consideration, caring about each other and regular contact beyond only boning.

I don't mean the heavy-duty sorts of strings that most deep and serious romances involve. But I suppose there's a different between a friend you fuck as another shared activity and a booty-call that's basically a repeat of a one-time hook-up encounter that rocked your worlds mutually.

Pacing matters. If you're meeting a so-called FWB multiple times a week either one of you will burn-out on the relationship . . . no longer fresh and fun each time . . . or you will cross the line to a more traditional boyfriend/girlfriend sorta coupling. And nothing wrong with that.

Think about your friends - the platonic kind. You might have 1 or even several best-friend-forever friendships involving hanging out together every day, since way back. But most of your friendships aren't that way.

My (platonic) friends are pretty much all busy people with families, jobs, hobbies and other obligations. We count ourselves lucky to get together once in 3 or 4 weeks for some shared activity - a meal; a movie; a hike; a workout; watching a ball-game.

FWB relationships work pretty well on the same dynamic. Busy people make the most interesting sorts of friends, according to me. FWB relationships spanning years are the best kind and I have had several like that. But friendship doesn't mean NSA. For that, stick to booty-calls. And you may be right that those have a short half-life.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/23/2019 6:02 am:
I totally agree with you, so maybe we are talking about the same thing.

While I understand the dictionary definitions of NSA and FWB, too often the people who are in these situations are themselves not on the same page as their partner. They THINK they know what they mean, but they have it all wrong ... or their partner has a totally different idea.

Not only that, but things change. Maybe one does develop some feelings and want to progress the relationship to something more. If that happens, someone is going to get hurt. And people can't always help their feelings. They just happen.

Heathen_G 61M
7536 posts
2/21/2019 5:23 am

VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:41 am:
Gotta be honest with you here, for all the advice here, I truly do not know how these NSA/FWB things work beyond a few weeks or months. Can't help anyone there.

Anything that is given away for free has no value. What does that say about those who give their bodies away so freely? Whether with their physical bodies or with prostituting themselves as free porn stars and posting tasteless nude selfies for the fapping masses?


I truly do not know how these NSA/FWB things work beyond a few weeks or months. .... There's no assurance either of these forms would last very long.

The "No Strings" situation is usually your one-time hookup, and the Fwb thing, comes with a caveat , - if either one of them gets into a serious relationship with someone, the benefits part is done. And, during the fwb thing, either is free to go out and date [have sex] with other persons.

Also if someone is scouting out fwb situations, always a good idea to establish sexual desire first, for each other , instead of the "Let us be friends first, and hope for sex later". Why? Because one of them, usually the woman, says later, "If we have sex that will ruin the friendship".

Anything that is given away for free has no value. What does that say about those who give their bodies away so freely? .....It says, for the most part, they are not prostitutes.

There should be no shame in reacting to a sexual desire for someone, and having sex, almost immediately.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/23/2019 6:11 am:
I mean, I understand what the differences and nuances of each situation is supposed to be.

It's just that too often, I see people around these parts lamenting how their partner violated the terms of the arrangement. Someone in a No Strings situation is upset that their partner ghosted them. Well, isn't No Strings supposed to mean that they're free to walk away at any time? So why do they think they have a right to be upset when someone exercises that clause?

Or alternatively, one develops feelings. It happens. It's not really in either party's control. So a situation that was well defined at one point is no longer so later on.

I do agree with you about the friends first situation. Two people who are legitimately friends and start adding in sex later ... well, that's a relationship, not a FWB situation. It's not about the definitions, it's about the feelings that are bound to come up.

Heathen_G 61M
7536 posts
2/21/2019 4:58 am

I do, however, question any woman who puts a pair of sweats on to meet anyone. Leaving the house in sweats?!? Who are these women???

Of course that's optional [to dress in sweats], for a 30 minute, or less, meeting.

Women today, say compared to 1948 [when women showed an exceptional level of class], seem extremely casual and really don't care how they are presented in society.....

So "Sweats" , could work . If the man is attracted to her in sweats,...well, she may look desirable in just about anything else she wears. .

Also the level of wearing sweats, is usually how he may see her most of the time , anyway, if anything sparks between them. So I don't see a down side to showing up for a 10 - 30 minute meeting ultra casual, at this time of typing this.... can you think of any downsides?

If a man showed up to meet with you , unshaved, jeans, running shoes. t-shirt.....would that be a problem?


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 6:01 am:
Hey now, I'm Haitian. Culturally, our people won't so much as take the garbage outside without getting properly dressed. My mother still doesn't understand my lazing around the house in my pj's.

While I don't necessarily expect someone to go all out to meet me, at least make some attempt to be presentable. A suit and a tie might be too much, but unshaven and unkempt means its only going to go downhill as familiarity builds.

Allowances can be made, for example, if someone is just getting out of work and they're an auto mechanic. However, barring an obvious exception, even a Dunkin Donuts run is worth brushing your teeth, shaving, and putting on a clean shirt and pants.

bulehyatt 61M  
1670 posts
2/21/2019 12:36 am

My impression is that all of the - interesting and credible - perspective shared in this post relates to the sort of sexual encounter that I describe as one-time hook-ups with random strangers.

Maybe many - perhaps even "most" - of the men on this site look for those sorts of encounters ? Speaking for myself though, I don't look for one-time hook-ups.

And since what I do look for is friendship first . . . because I can't conceive of sustaining a regular, repeat-meetings sort of relationship withOUT at least liking and respecting the other person . . . the rhythm matters much less than the content of the conversation.

If the other person is interesting and fun to share conversations with, that is already a good thing. Because what adult - say mid-30's or older - finds it easy to make new friendships, the way we did in school or when new to the workforce ?

Conversely, it the other person is NOT either interesting or fun (preferably both) in conversation . . . then it wouldn't work out well longer-term anyway.

Ideally, the interesting/fun friendships transition into friends-with-benefits relationships. But reality is that I have made long-lasting friendships through this site with a few women who probably will never share their pussies with me - typically because I'm married and they choose to not cross that line.

I suppose the point of my post is encouragement . . . to BOTH men and women on this site . . . that you don't need to delete your profile if the advice about matching rhythms makes you feel discouraged.

If friendship - rather than immediate orgasm - is your priority, just be yourself. Assuming that "yourself" is a nice, friendly, respectful sort of person.

You may not get laid tonight that way . . . you may not even "ever" get laid by that new friend you have made. But hey - friendship already provides psychic benefits. And when - occasionally - you strike jackpot with a friend who shares your interest in mutual physical benefits, that rocks!

No criticism intended of the one-time hook-up seekers. If that's you, study Venus's insights carefully. And work on getting the rhythm right, ya.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:41 am:
Gotta be honest with you here, for all the advice here, I truly do not know how these NSA/FWB things work beyond a few weeks or months. Can't help anyone there.

Anything that is given away for free has no value. What does that say about those who give their bodies away so freely? Whether with their physical bodies or with prostituting themselves as free porn stars and posting tasteless nude selfies for the fapping masses?

At any rate, I'm rambling. Yes. Don't delete your profiles, just take a few minutes and put together a strategy.

Heathen_G 61M
7536 posts
2/20/2019 4:33 am

If men can make an effort to log on in here, and not be excessively horny, then why couldn't women make an effort to log on in here, when she is is horny.

In my view, this thing is a search engine..... not someplace you stay to communicate..

If you get chosen, or if you find someone, and they live in the area.....go meet them somewhere for 30 minutes, today or tomorrow. A meeting.. some call it a Meet-and-Greet".

No need to stay online for days , weeks and months. You have time to logon, and plunk about, you have time to throw on some sweats and go meet someone for 30 minutes or less.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:34 am:
I have a LOT of opinions about women on this site and their level of effort (hint: it doesn't look good for the ladies ... sorry gals).

Ever get to the point where you can no longer remember what you've blogged about? I think somewhere in my history I discussed exactly what you're talking about. I mentioned how too many people set up these elaborate over-the-top dinner meets that frequently result in ghosting. I also mentioned how the one offer I almost took a guy up on (remember, I'm married and don't desire to ruin that) was a guy who seriously suggested the food court at the mall. We had been talking online and things were going well, but he had to run out and do a few errands and was going to eat at the mall anyway ... and if I'd have liked to join him I was welcome to. It was low key. There was no pressure. It hit right in perfect rhythm. Exactly what you're talking about.

I do, however, question any woman who puts a pair of sweats on to meet anyone. Leaving the house in sweats?!? Who are these women???

rwefuckin2nite 46M

2/19/2019 9:22 pm

Your points are all valid. Being able to converse online should be no different from conversing in person. However, it looks like its become a lost art. For the short time that I've been on Meelp, a few females have echoed your sentiments.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:42 am:
I'm not so sure people know how to converse in person. An entire generation has now grown up with smart-devices. Wall-E is eerily close to the mark of what the world is becoming.

Heathen_G 61M
7536 posts
2/19/2019 5:08 pm

Scenario 3..... Don't get online horny.....watch some porn, rub it out [if you are horny]..... When you do get online, and you have someones attention, that very same day, suggest meeting somewhere neutral [not at either's home] just for 10 minutes or half an hour....and go from the base of "Real".

Don't do the "Chat for days, weeks or months".... you have their attention this moment, take it offline.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:46 am:
Distance comes into play here. The farther someone is, the harder it is to meet. The ratio is like exponential based on distance. It's hard to justify a 10 minute meet if it's going to take 45 minutes just to get there.

Where I am, in a major metropolitan area, there are plenty of people nearby, and there is no need to resort to considering meeting people such a distance away. However, I am sympathetic to those who live in more rural parts.

And yes, don't get online horny. I addressed that in my previous post, so I agree wholeheartedly.

40Deuce 42M
5727 posts
2/19/2019 4:48 pm

I like Seinfeld reruns

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:47 am:
Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

Did you enjoy Comedians Riding in Cars Getting Coffee?

HAMONMAN 60M
9641 posts
2/19/2019 4:22 pm

Is this another man-bashing post?


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:48 am:
Did you miss the paragraph in there about women with ugly snatches?

papis_baby_girl 41F
5210 posts
2/19/2019 4:19 pm

(man on this site's point of view)

damn... I just want to fuck... no strings, no connection, no rhythm, no nothing...
why is it so difficult for her to just lay there while I do my thang?

Now I gotta be in sync? fffuuuuccckkkkk

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
-Anais Nin

"I am big, it's the pictures that got small!"
-Norma Desmond


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:56 am:
I always wondered how that expectation is any different than just masturbating.

redrockrascal 61M
21092 posts
2/19/2019 3:13 pm

How do you see a similar scenario (with no prior contact), on this site, but with the woman initiating contact with the man?

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:52 am:
I don't know. I've never heard of it happening where a woman not only initiated contact (a rare enough species), but also aggressively pushed hard for immediate anonymous sex (that's just a mythical unicorn).

If I were a guy and this happened, I'd wouldn't believe it was real and would be thinking I'm being set up for something. Whether it is for the lolz or something more serious like being robbed I wouldn't know .... but I wouldn't stay long enough to find out.

Or possibly they're sex workers, and should you agree they'd hit you with their rates.

redmustang91 60M  
9526 posts
2/19/2019 1:47 pm

Your blog shows why many guys seek out escorts rather than seek futile efforts with theoretically sexually active females who are not available.


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:54 am:
I've always wondered how many men actually do seek out sex workers. Not that I'm in any way supportive of that industry, but it sure seems as if that's more in line with what men are really seeking.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees that.

Wonder167 53F  
4515 posts
2/19/2019 1:45 pm

This is a great post, makes a lot of sense. I hope more people read it!


VenusRedux2 replies on 2/21/2019 4:54 am:
One can only hope.

VenusRedux2 44F
518 posts
2/19/2019 12:43 pm

This post came about after a conversation where I seriously had to ask the guy, "How exactly do you see this playing out? It just doesn't work."


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