Play by Play of How I Have Conversations  

VenusRedux2 44F
339 posts
4/10/2017 11:54 am
Play by Play of How I Have Conversations





When creating conversation out of nothing, be prepared for vague responses and learn how to roll with them by mentally mapping out how to handle expected responses





So you see a woman who lives nearby on your IM list. She has no pic and a one sentence profile that says absolutely nothing. In order to talk to her, you'll have to make conversation out of nothing.

When faced with this situation, most guys will ask about their weekend and hope that they get a response that is sufficiently detailed to induce follow up conversation. In the history of the this website ... nay, in the history of the entire Internet ... this has NEVER happened.

Guys, while she's giving you responses that are the cyber equivalents of grunts, they are so thoroughly expected that it is hard to have any sympathy for you guys not being able to roll with them. Just take a minute and plan out how things can go. What are her range of responses? Which ones are women most likely going to go with any any given conversation?

So I thought I'd write something about how I handle conversations, giving an example of one from the beginning to see how I put it all together and my thought process behind it.

How was your weekend? Get to go out and enjoy the good weather?

Advantages: It’s a solid opening line, doesn’t have any of the obvious errors many make (for example, it doesn’t use pet names, or isn’t overly sleazy, etc). It is short and to the point. It says more than just “Hi.”

Sidenote: Personally, I’m not a big fan of the advice I see about opening lines. Very little of it is actually useful. My experience is that a solid opening line works better than simply saying “Hi,” but not by any huge margin. Too many other factors come into play. By all means, extract every advantage you can, but don’t get too hung up on the small stuff. If she’s available and looking to chat with new people, she’ll likely respond to any polite greeting.

Disadvantages: While it introduces a topic for discussion (normally a good thing), understand that the topic isn’t exactly scintillating. She’s likely going to give a vague response.

There are no perfect opening lines. You can’t be witty, intelligent, conversational, lively, sane, “Nice but with a hint of Bad Boy” and all that … all in one mere sentence. There’s only so much that can be realistically be conveyed without writing a novel. So while there are some disadvantages any that will ultimately be used. It doesn’t make it wrong to use it. It just means to be prepared is all.

Stayed in the entire weekend. Caught up on sleep.

So we got what we expected. She doesn’t offer much to use to further the conversation. Being prepared for it, however, the conversation need not die at this stage.

Option A: She mentioned she caught up on sleep, talk about that.

Option B: Offer up something you did with your weekend to spur conversation, or offer something that could have been done

Option C: Be sexy and suggestive, I mean, that’s what we’re here for, right?


Option A is boring beyond words. She’s offering that lame response because she doesn’t want to talk about her weekend. This forces her on the very subject she’s signaling she wants to avoid.

Option C, even if it is not overly sleazy, is too soon in the conversation. There will be a time for this, just not right now.

I’ve had the most success with Option B.

I finally got to whip out the barbecue. After a long hibernation, I gorged myself on meat
Cool

Not much of a response. I wasn’t expecting much else here anyway. That’s okay, though, this is only the “pleasantries” part of the conversation. The primary goal at this stage of the conversation was to simply get her talking. Granted, it isn’t much, but it is enough. So … Mission Accomplished in that regard, she’s talking.

However, it does mean that I have to shift gears now. She hasn’t given us anything to work with. Don’t force a bad hand. Just adapt and keep going.

So, where to go now? She has a vague profile with no pics. Where do you go in the conversation when you have nothing to work with?

Option A: Ask for pics

Option B: Ask about her relationship status

Option C: Without being sleazy, be sexy and suggestive


I don’t like Option A. Many people, both men and women, outright expect this at this stage of the conversation. However I am clearly not one of them. Thinking ahead here, where is this going? Do I really want 12 lines of conversation forcing me to say “Oh, you’re very handsome”? I hate that. Being backed into a corner like that isn’t worth satisfying my curiosity (and yes, I actually am curious). I’ve found that women will ask when the time is right … and when that happens you score bonus points for never bringing it up.

I promise you Option C will eventually be the right answer. Really. Just not now. Settle down boy.

So Option B it is. Not only is it something you want to know about her, it opens the door to tell her about you. This is information she needs, so you need to bring it up at some point. Don’t just assume that because your profile says “Single” that she doesn’t need to hear you directly say it. Everyone says they’re single, so she’s second guessing it. Single can mean different things to different people.

You’re switching to an objective that both gets and gives some needed information about each other. You’re presenting yourself as being open and honest.

Didn’t spend the weekend with anyone? Would have been a nice day to spend in the park with someone. No bf or anything? And don’t tell me you don’t have one.
No, nothing serious. Could have used some company
FYI: “Nothing serious” is VASTLY different than “Not seeing anyone”
Nothing here either. Just got out of a relationship about a year ago. Just biding my time until someone special comes along
I know how that goes, too many losers out there, or guys with a ton of baggage

Notice her word count is increasing. She’s not giving up much, but she’s gradually getting more comfortable.

Option A: Start ratcheting things up here

Option B: We’re making steady progress, so keep making progress. Now isn’t the time to blow it.

Option C: Can I PLEASE now change to sexy talk? I mean, we’re both single and looking, what am I waiting on?


No, you can’t switch to overt sex talk right now.

Progress is being made here, but not fast enough. People here just aren’t patient enough to sit through an hour and a half of mere slow-and-steady progress. So Option B is out.

She’s asking you to qualify yourself, that’s a good sign. Although not in the form of a question, she’s asking you “Are you a loser or a crazy person?”

As far as Shit Tests go, this is as mild as it gets. However, it is a sign that she’s responding favorably (in fact, harder Shit Tests are actually better signs). That gives you a little wiggle room at this stage to take a few more liberties. Just be careful whenever it comes to qualifying yourself … you should never, ever qualify yourself. Remember, whatever qualities you verbally tell her get totally and completely disregarded. So don’t answer such questions. Learn to cleverly side-step them.

Oh no, she’s on to me! Run!
Nah, I’m just kidding. What has you up so late? No work in the morning?
Classic Agree and Amplify. By following it up with another line in quick succession changes the subject (and avoids the qualifying yourself issue), and also serves to remove the parity of conversation and allows for a more free flowing dialog
LOL, no time for losers here!
Already in bed, watching tv before I fall asleep

There’s an opportunity here. It won’t always come up here. Sometimes you have to do a few rounds of pleasantries before you hit something like this where you stumble across an opportunity you can exploit.

The question then becomes: Do you go for it?

Option A: Don’t blow it here! Play it safe and show her you’re a decent guy.

Option B: Be flirty and suggestive.


Actually, this is the time for it. I told you it would happen eventually. Time to go with Option B. Just don’t be sleazy about it.

You’re in bed for me already? What kind of guy do you take me for?
“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me”
Maybe
But you’re actually older than me, that reference doesn’t apply
Damn, I just can’t seem to get that crossed off my bucket list
You have fantasies about older women?
This the moment you know you’re in with her, when she starts asking questions. It shows she’s engaged and interested in you. Even better, you got her to ask about your sexual interests
Doesn’t everybody?
Even if she’s old and wrinkly?
Yeah baby! Osteoporosis turn me on! It’s not a fun night unless someone’s worried about throwing out a hip
Agree and Amplify again
Eww, bad mental imagery there
As if your sexual bucket list is any better?
There’s a few things still left on it winky face emoji
Do tell
Do you have a pic?
This is a really good sign. By dodging your question, she’s starting to be more assertive in the conversation and not just being a passive dead fish. It means he’s interested and invested in the conversation. Even better, you got her to ask for the pic, that’s bonus points.

From here, things are moving freely. My only suggesting in moving forward is to make it flirty and not brazenly sexual. In fact, let the conversation meander in and out of sexual stuff. You’ll win a lot of points that way. The priority, however, is to get the conversation there in the first place.

This is the thought process behind having a plan. This is a concrete example of how to transition from the pleasantries of “Hi, how are you?” to “Tell me what’s on your sexual bucket list.” Most guys cannot do this well. They either play it safe from the beginning and it goes nowhere, or they get overly aggressive and get rejected. But with a little bit of anticipation, you can easily guide the conversation to where you want it without it feeling stilted and awkward.



Ienjoythetaste 70M
2570 posts
4/11/2017 2:35 am

I guess I must be lucky then, I have met and had affairs with three people since I joined this site. I am with the third one still and have been for more than a year. Everyone is different and there is no one size fits all.

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Much like this site

Visit my Blog for my adventures.


VenusRedux2 replies on 4/11/2017 4:59 am:
That's great. I sincerely mean that. There are genuinely few people on this site who are having any success whatsoever ... men or women.

However, such cliched wisdom of "no one size fits all" seems to imply that there since there exists other successful methods, then ALL methods are equally valid and I need not bother with blogs such as this. The logic behind all that eludes me.

I don't dispute that there are other techniques. What I am claiming is that no one else is offering specific examples of how they've successfully done it.

The only other advice I've ever seen around here are women writing long lists of Do Not Do Any Of These Things. While helpful, simply avoiding a few trigger statements isn't, by itself, going to make anyone successful.

My experience on this site isn't simply that only 1 guy in 50 can hold a decent conversation capable of catching my attention ... it is more along the lines of 1 guy in 500! So no, not all techniques are equally valid just because "no one size fits all." I have examples of 500 techniques that simply don't work.

Honestly, I would like to get a guy's take on all this. However, you're not offering one. You're just being critical just to be critical. You're just offering recycled trite expressions thinking you're being profound. It is mentally lazy.

s2ndegree 60M  
9171 posts
4/10/2017 1:39 pm

I understand women don't need to send messages
and they get plenty.Popularity does have
some adverse effects,showing very little interest,
there is always someone better,acting like they had
the same conversation 15 times already
and of course, poof!

I didn't know the antisocial behaviors had gotten
this far.If people can't speak or write extemporaneous
thoughts there isn't really much use for them.Speaks
of complete failure in the common sense department

Using more than all the road!


VenusRedux2 replies on 4/10/2017 2:05 pm:
It's not always about the adverse effects of popularity going to people's heads. Speaking for myself, I am very guarded when talking to a new guy. I'm not ready to spill every detail of my personal life just yet.

Guys are stuck making conversation out of nothing. It is a big hurdle to overcome. I'm not unsympathetic to that, hence my blog.

A lot of young guys have never learned how to do it. A lot of older guys are divorced and it may very well have been decades since they last had to use those skills.

Most guys here are boring. They genuinely want to be a nice guy (as they should). But they don't know quite how to be un-boring without diving headfirst into being sleazy and classless. There really is a knack to it. Once a guy gets it, he'll do very well here. But some guys will never get it. Yet others will go on insisting on their own way no matter how many times it fails.

Tmptrzz 56F  
62076 posts
4/10/2017 1:28 pm

This is a great how to guide hun..

Just your average every day run of the mill nana here!!!


VenusRedux2 replies on 4/10/2017 1:52 pm:
Glad you enjoyed it. The women here are always so positive in their responses, it seems I'm on the right track in how I assume women want to be spoken to.

Ienjoythetaste 70M
2570 posts
4/10/2017 12:29 pm

Never had a conversation follow a script.

Trick is simple you have to actually listen to what is being said and then respond sensibly.

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Much like this site

Visit my Blog for my adventures.


VenusRedux2 replies on 4/10/2017 12:49 pm:
There's nothing simple about it. Keep in mind that in this example there was no profile and very vague and dismissive responses at first.

So when you say "listen and respond sensibly" ... listen to WHAT? She's not giving up anything to work with. That's what this post was a about, how to have a game plan for when there's little to work with.

The overwhelming amount of guys in this site are simply not capable of doing this. I've sat here for years waiting for someone in my area to do it, it has yet to happen. So, yeah, I'm a little dismissive of counter-opinions of "My way is every bit as good" ... I have yet to see examples backing such claims.

VenusRedux2 44F
518 posts
4/10/2017 12:02 pm

Reposting the dialog itself so you can see what it looks like without all my thoughts and narration in between.

How was your weekend? Get to go out and enjoy the good weather?
Stayed in the entire weekend. Caught up on sleep
I finally got to whip out the barbecue. After a long hibernation, I gorged myself on meat
Cool.
Didn’t spend the weekend with anyone? Would have been a nice day to spend in the park with someone. No bf or anything? And don’t tell me you don’t have one.
No, nothing serious. Could have used some company
Nothing here either. Just got out of a relationship about a year ago. Just biding my time until someone special comes along
I know how that goes, too many losers out there, or guys with a ton of baggage
Oh no, she’s on to me! Run!
Nah, I’m just kidding. What has you up so late? No work in the morning?
LOL, no time for losers here!
Already in bed, watching tv before I fall asleep
You’re in bed for me already? What kind of guy do you take me for?
“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me”
Maybe
But you’re actually older than me, that reference doesn’t apply
Damn, I just can’t seem to get that crossed off my bucket list
You have fantasies about older women?
Doesn’t everybody?
Even if she’s old and wrinkly?
Yeah baby! Osteoporosis turn me on! It’s not a fun night unless someone’s worried about throwing out a hip
Eww, bad mental imagery there
As if your sexual bucket list is any better?
There’s a few things still left on it winky face emoji
Do tell
Do you have a pic?

As you can see, a SUBSTANTIAL amount of thought goes into every line of what is said.


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