The Overuse of Non-Words as Conversation Filler; alternatively … Does Anyone Actually Drink Eggnog?  

VenusRedux2 44F
338 posts
12/20/2018 7:25 am
The Overuse of Non-Words as Conversation Filler; alternatively … Does Anyone Actually Drink Eggnog?





Merely throwing words on the screen isn’t going to make great conversation magically fall out.

Doubly reprehensible for throwing non-words on the screen.

So get out of your boring and lame conversations and start making an impression by eliminating needless word fluff.





Look at his conversation and take particular note of the timestamps:

7:08 What are you up to today?
7:09 Nothing, just relaxing on the couch watching tv
7:09 lol
7:11 It’s cold out, it’s a good day to stay in
7:11 Yeah
7:13 What are you watching?
7:13 A documentary about the Andrea Doria sinking
7:13 lol
7:16 Is it any good?
7:17 It’s alright
7:17 lol
7:22 What do you do for a living?
7:22 Manager in a retail store
7:23 You like it?
7:24 It pays the bills
7:24 lol
7:27 I work for a roofing contractor
7:28 must be slow for you this time of year
7:29 rotflmao
7:30 yeah
… crickets
7:38 Would you like to meet?
7:41 Thanks, but I don’t know you
7:42 lol
7:44 But how can you know me unless we meet?
7:47 I’m sorry to be blunt, but this is not going to work

This was a friggin 40 minute conversation!!!

The only thing fast about this conversation was how quickly it went nowhere.

Let’s start with a discussion about LOL. It isn’t a word. Let me repeat that, it isn’t a word! It is meant to convey your reaction to what was said. Personally, I don’t quibble about whether or not anyone actually laughed out loud, I accept that, in the digital world, it is the socially accepted way of indicating that you found the statement amusing.

Here’s the problem though, look at that conversation, was anything said that was funny?

Look again.

And again.

It’s just not there.

The constant laughing is not appropriate to the situation. So you end up coming across as a demented psychopath. Am I having a conversation with the Joker?

You know what it sounds like on my end of the conversation?

7:08 What are you up to today?
7:09 Nothing, just relaxing on the couch watching tv
7:09 ... OMG! I’M TALKING TO A GIRL! THIS IS AMAZING! THIS SITE ROCKS!
7:09 ... Don’t blow this, play it cool…

7:09 lol
7:09 ... Damn I’m smooth!
7:10
7:11 ...
7:11 ... Oh no! She’s not responding. Quick, come up with something else to say before she loses interest!
7:11 ... Umm…

7:11 It’s cold out, it’s a good day to stay in
7:11... Oh God, please let her response be something I can turn into something sexual ... and maybe I shouldn’t bring God into this …

Confident men simply don't sound like this. Losers sound like this. Don't be that guy.

There’s no mystery as to what’s going on here. This is what’s known as conversation filler or word fluff. He doesn’t know how to respond, so he’s throwing text on the screen to fill in the silence.

He’s trying to give me an opening to say something. But instead of coming across as polite, it comes across as conversationally lazy. What he’s ultimately doing, intentionally or not, is hoping I’m going to get the conversation going for him. It’s trying to make it my fault for him having nothing to say. Look, if you started the conversation, then you’re driving the car … so drive! Don’t wait on me to do it for you.

Worse yet, this is the worst type of word fluff … it’s not even using words. It’s lazy. Do you really think anyone here is impressed by your knowledge and use of text abbreviations?

It doesn’t give me anything to respond to. It is a conversational dead end. Little wonder I don’t say anything. I have no other choice but to wait for you to say more.

So guess what I do?

That’s right, I sit there and wait for you to say something more.

Again, notice the timestamps. It’s taking him 2 to 3 minutes to come up with something to say. And what he does come up with is hardly scintillating. It’s not progressing the conversation, it’s just wasting time hoping something interesting magically falls out.

At this point, there is no way to salvage the conversation. Too much time got wasted saying, quite literally, nothing.

So what should you do? That’s the million dollar question.

Understand that the “introductory” questions (how are you, what are you up to today, what’s new, etc) are likely to get vague and unspecific responses. You need to be ready to roll with that. When you get the single most expected response of all time, don’t get confused.

Don’t linger too long on the parts neither of you want to talk about. Instead plan ahead for things to immediately jump to that will be more interesting. You don’t even need a good segue. Just do it. It actually comes across smoother than you think.

7:08 What are you up to today?
7:09 Nothing, just relaxing on the couch watching tv
7:10 I would suggest relaxing with some eggnog, but does anyone actually drink eggnog?

This is already vastly more interesting than any of the above conversation, and we haven’t even gotten to the juicy parts yet.



40Deuce 42M
5727 posts
12/21/2018 11:27 am

I'm mildly confused on what you're trying to accomplish . I guess you want to have a non-boring conversation but don't you want boring people to be boring so you know they're boring and don't waste your time ? By telling people how to seem interesting you're just setting yourself up to waste time with boring people pretending to be interesting .

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/21/2018 2:40 pm:
I said this once a long time ago ... the problem I have with this site isn't that men here are sleazy (some are, but they're a minority). The problem is that they're boring beyond words.

Most guys are genuinely nice guys. Most guys have things about themselves worth being proud of. Most guys are worth knowing.

I just can't get far enough into the conversation to appreciate that! And honestly, I'd like to.

I love ballroom dancing. As a woman, to have a man lead you ... like a man who knows what he's doing and lead you with ease and grace ... damn, I get wet just thinking about it. No one thinks less of a guy's skill because he learned it as opposed to it coming natural. It's just damn hot that he has it!

And ... well ... if I'm being honest, I also wanted to see if my skills were up to the challenge. It's not right to hate on men for not having the skills I myself don't have. It was almost scary how successful I was ("damn, I'm catfishing other women, didn't think I'd have enough success for this to be an issue, I don't have an endgame here, better come up with one quick")

BiggLala 48F  
27759 posts
12/21/2018 6:58 am

Look, if you started the conversation, then you’re driving the car … so drive!
-THIS! Of course, it also applies to women, but we know most women don't initiate conversation.

Outside of the 'dead-fish' women you spoke about, I think there are still enough women who will engage in conversation. Yet, many men still whinge that women won't talk or that it's hard to talk to women. How so? Perhaps this goes back to one of your posts about being too outcome focused?

I did a post asking men what approach worked for them the times women contacted them. The consensus of what worked for them? 'Hi, how are you?' So...there you go.

Need a way to message ALL members?...click here for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post.


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/21/2018 2:31 pm:
As I said, percentage-wise, the dead fish are still in the minority. Most will talk.

I'm glad you got some feedback about that. When I tried using male accounts, I too found that "Hi, how are you?" worked best. As an interesting sidenote, "Hi" by itself rarely worked. I guess it comes off as too lazy. The three extra words makes a big difference.

I'm glad someone remembers the Outcome Obsessed post. I think that was my most important one, but it didn't get a lot of traction at the time (it may have been too long).

maybejustrex4 52M  

12/20/2018 1:29 pm

VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 3:55 pm:
Much to say about this, hard to know where to begin.

Yes, there are a substantial number of women here who are dead fish. In my test ventures with a male account, I came into contact with a fair number of them. But while there's a lot of them out there, percentage-wise, it's still the minority. Most women who respond will be receptive to a good conversation.

I have a few theories on this:

(1) I'm just the wrong demographic. I'm assuming they were just killing time until someone closer to what they were looking for came along. No proof of this, just a nagging suspicion based on how often with the 20-somethings.

(2) They are willing to open up, but they're juggling too many conversations, and I'm not the top priority. Things are probably already hot and heavy with someone else as I'm still cycling through the pleasantries.

(3) They were catfishing. I'm begun to suspect this is happening quite a bit. I've been looking at a lot of women's profiles lately, and quite a number of them look suspicious to me (worse yet, I think a lot of them are pimping out pics of their wives/gf's to appear legit, that's disgusting to me). I don't know what the upside may be, but it might be for the free gold (get enough profile views and the site awards gold).

Not a whole lot can be done to overcome those hurdles. But on the plus-side, while it does happen, it's not happening all the time.


All valid theories in my opinion. Above all, though, I applaud your empiricism!


PAWAPh 43M
11083 posts
12/20/2018 12:57 pm

I Don't Actually Drink Eggnog!

I Don't Use "Laugh Out Loud"

I Hope This Blog Helps Others.

Have A Terrific Thursday, Venus!

Jack


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 1:32 pm:
Eggnog isn't as bad as it's made out to be. Better than that pumpkin spice chemical crap that everyone goes nuts for this time of year.

maybejustrex4 52M  

12/20/2018 11:45 am

I love a good non sequitur as much as the next guy. I also do not decry the inability of most men to have an interesting conversation as the comparison always makes me look better. It not always as easy as you would think to get a real conversation going.

I suggest only that the fairer sex does not universally show itself to be will versed in badinage and repartee (almost all bloggers explicitly excluded). I have tried to speak with plenty of women who have started the conversation (a bigger hurdle for a man than most women might think) but then failed to come close to passing a Turing test.


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 12:55 pm:
Much to say about this, hard to know where to begin.

Yes, there are a substantial number of women here who are dead fish. In my test ventures with a male account, I came into contact with a fair number of them. But while there's a lot of them out there, percentage-wise, it's still the minority. Most women who respond will be receptive to a good conversation.

I have a few theories on this:

(1) I'm just the wrong demographic. I'm assuming they were just killing time until someone closer to what they were looking for came along. No proof of this, just a nagging suspicion based on how often with the 20-somethings.

(2) They are willing to open up, but they're juggling too many conversations, and I'm not the top priority. Things are probably already hot and heavy with someone else as I'm still cycling through the pleasantries.

(3) They were catfishing. I'm begun to suspect this is happening quite a bit. I've been looking at a lot of women's profiles lately, and quite a number of them look suspicious to me (worse yet, I think a lot of them are pimping out pics of their wives/gf's to appear legit, that's disgusting to me). I don't know what the upside may be, but it might be for the free gold (get enough profile views and the site awards gold).

Not a whole lot can be done to overcome those hurdles. But on the plus-side, while it does happen, it's not happening all the time.

Owatalife 63M
1447 posts
12/20/2018 11:40 am

You are absolutely right about folks using nonsense in online conversations when just proper words would work so much better. Speaking of fluff, I once watched a very enjoyable movie called " The Fluffer " highly recommend it.

Can't say I've ever been much of a fan of Eggnog.


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 12:18 pm:
Those be fighting words mister! Evan Williams makes a cheap enough eggnog that's good. Don't know if its any better or worse than any other brand, but I like it. It's just so thick and creamy, nice and sweet. It's like a milkshake for adults.

FresnoWoman 49F
616 posts
12/20/2018 11:26 am

"lol" is way overused, and it's not meant to be used at the end of every single sentence!

Somewhat related, I remember hanging out on Yahoo Chat a long time ago, when it was cool. One day, a guy messaged me, said, "Hello how ru" or something like that. I said, "Fine." There was a long pause, then he asked, "Why aren't you talking?"

I answered, "Why did you start this chat if you have nothing to say? I'm not going to carry the conversation for you. So don't message women if you have nothing to say."

I could go for a mug of eggnog now. Yum.


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 12:12 pm:
That's my biggest pet peeve online ... whoever starts the conversation accepts the burden to carry the conversation! Shirking that social responsibility is a sign of insecurity and poor social development. In other words, men we're not looking for.

superbjversion2 64F  
18763 posts
12/20/2018 10:09 am

I could come up with several different reasons for the time delay - site glitches, slow typist, multi-chatter, his mom called - but the mental vacuity stands on its own.

Well said.

Around here, my odds are good but the goods are odd


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 11:33 am:
Thanks. I think women are accustomed to the usual glitches in the system. There's never an excuse for an entire conversation of low-effort responses, many of which don't follow from what was just said. Lag can at least be forgiven.

imunknowntoall2 93M

12/20/2018 9:20 am

Love Eggnog


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 10:04 am:
Eggnog and a fireplace, doesn't get much better than that.

HAMONMAN 60M
9641 posts
12/20/2018 8:53 am

LOL


papis_baby_girl 41F
5210 posts
12/20/2018 8:36 am

I have yet to have one decent convo in IM... I guess that's why I don't visit that part of the site...

I'd rather waste my time on my own terms.

Loved loved loved your interpretation of this 'chat' (loosely used)...
actually made me LOL...

Great post and men would be wise to read, reread, and commit it to memory...but the won't... and next week, you'll post a different 'conversation' but it really will be the same.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
-Anais Nin

"I am big, it's the pictures that got small!"
-Norma Desmond


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 10:03 am:
I have to admit, it's been a very, very long time since I had a worthy conversation worth mentioning. I've noticed that it isn't as hard as it's made out to be to start a conversation (women actually do respond with enough frequency), but they just seem totally lost after the initial hello. I mean like REALLY lost.

In their defense, however, there's a lot of women here who are complete dead fish. No matter what you give them, all you ever back is low effort responses. Even I can't overcome that.

We now live in the world of Wall-E. People who are more connected to devices than to people. We've lost the ability to interact with other human beings.

22hungry4u 60M
6 posts
12/20/2018 8:28 am

I LOVE eggnog!!!! Makes me sleep great!

Your commentary is 100% on point!


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 8:43 am:
Sure beats that pumpkin spice crap that everyone seems to love this time of year. Glad you liked the post

CowboyandaGeek 38M/34F

12/20/2018 8:01 am

Unfortunately too many people view this "swingers' site" as "no effort required". Just check out the menu and pick your play partner.

Life doesn't work that way.
This "sex site" doesn't work that way.

I don't mind eggnog, once in a while.

Cowboy and a Geek


VenusRedux2 replies on 12/20/2018 8:41 am:
I've had some conversations with real swingers, and what I'm finding is that even they don't have that kind of life. They keep having these swinger sex parties where no actual sex takes place. Granted, small sample size from the one swinger couple I talk to, but I'm inclined to believe it.

At any rate, I like eggnog. I like thick and creamy drinks. If people only knew....

Want to meet for dinner and a drink?
Thanks, but I'll pass, I don't know you

Want to meet for milkshakes?
[sweating bullets trying to maintain some semblance of self-control]

VenusRedux2 44F
518 posts
12/20/2018 7:47 am

Personally, I like eggnog. I don't get the hate.


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