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| Blogs > VenusRedux2 > Conversing with the Divine |
What we really mean when we cite "I’ve been busy" to explain ourselves
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What we really mean when we cite "I’ve been busy" to explain ourselves I haven’t blogged much lately. Nor have I even commented much on other people’s blogs. I’ve been too busy. Yup, there it is, the dreaded "I got busy" excuse. I know I’m not the only one who cites this as a reason for vanishing. It seems to be a cultural norm here. You know what I’m talking about ... we’re talking to someone, everything is going great, then suddenly BAM – things take a drastic turn for no discernible reason. You can’t get a conversation going past "Hi" and a few pleasantries (if you can get even that much out of them). When pushing for details, the answer always comes back as "I’ve just been busy." Now, people don’t get busy for 4, 5, 6 weeks at a stretch. So what’s really going on here? Doing some introspection on that issue (since I’m going through it right now), here’s what I’ve come up with: I was only legitimately busy for 2 weeks or so. But that doesn’t explain the precipitous drop in participation here. In fact, I’ve been back for several weeks now. While that excuse worked at one point, I have to admit that it no longer applies now. I am NOT busy. I lost my rhythm. I’ve got pages and pages of notes. So I’ve got plenty of material to work with, that’s not the issue. I just can’t sit down with it and do anything with it. Time is no longer the issue, nor is it writers block. I just don’t feel motivated to get the creative juices flowing. I sit down with it, and within about 10 minutes I’ve become distracted by something else. Oh, look, something shiny over here...... Not just with blogging, but the entire sphere of social networking. I'm just using myself and blogging as microcosm of all online communication. Time lapses, relationships languish, then when I'm finally back I don’t really remember where we left off, and I don’t feel like summoning the energy to rekindle things (even if it is just a friendship relationship and not a sexual/flirty one). What do I do? All outcomes are ultimately bad. I can participate in bland conversations just to be polite. You all know how much I HATE bland conversations. It is polite, but it is essentially running out the clock until they finally give up (making them the bad guy). Or, to avoid that, I just don’t respond at all and dodge the issue entirely. It isn’t particularly kind, but it is easier. They didn’t do anything wrong, yet an explanation is only going to make it worse. I'm not proud of it, but this is usually the one I go with. I mean, how would you explain it if you were being totally upfront and honest? "I'm sorry, but I just haven't felt up to talking to you?" And then what? Follow up with "It's not you, it's me?" Yeah, guys just love that. So yeah, I take the easy way out. I wish I could say I have advice in how to deal with that when you're on the other side of that equation, when someone is distant because they're "busy." I don’t. There is nothing you can do when the other person is going through that except to watch helplessly. Maybe they come back, maybe they don’t. If you take offense to being sidelined, I don’t necessarily blame you. My advice: nobly accept that you’ve lost and walk away with your dignity intact. Maybe you didn’t "lose" to another person. But life has this nasty habit of getting in the way. This is the price of these alternative relationships (NSA, FWB, FB, whatever). You DON’T have a relationship. These relationships are little more than sex while reserving the right to walk away at any time with no hard feelings. Even if it isn't here, even if it is on PG-rated sites, social networking is NOT a substitute for genuine face-to-face relationships. I don't care what anyone else has to say on the matter. It is the social equivalent of artificial sweeteners ... tastes good, but a terrible substitute for actual nutrition. Social networks have the benefit of keeping everyone at a comfortable arms distance, but has the drawback of keeping them at arms distance. This is the moment where the other person exercised that clause in the social networking agreement. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. You don’t even have the right to be upset. That’s the contract you agreed to. Let me open this up for discussion. Does this happen to you? Do you feel guilty when it does? How do you handle it? |
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Does it happen to me? Yup, it happens all the time. So much so that it's become much shorter now that I can acknowledge that my brain has more on it than social interaction. By taking a time out for myself, I can refocus on what's actually important, not just what's shiny and within reach. By being upfront with people about that, that it's just something I need to do, I've realized that nobody really thinks I'm selfish, which was the main driver for guilt. On the flip side, I'm sympathetic to a point to a partner's need to disengage temporarily... but that comes with it's own set of conditions for me to be acceptable. Like not engaging with a new partner and also knowing the difference between "distant" and "unavailable." I'll definitely be coming back to read others responses, thanks for a great blog post!
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Yeah, I could have pumped out page after page of stuff, but my heart wasn't in it. I don't do half-hearted. So I haven't been around much. And to all of you who have noticed me lurking around your blogs and not leaving comments, that would be why. My apologies. I do otherwise try to be supportive by leaving comments.
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