Becoming even more Morose lmao  

VoyeurLadyBBW 42F
15 posts
8/6/2017 11:00 pm
Becoming even more Morose lmao

My new Lover has asked me to go to a nude beach with him. I agreed a little bit reluctantly. I am not very confident when it comes to my physical appearance but he wants me to go with him. He has been by himself and just wants me to be with him. I really don't have a problem with nudity most times. I am naked with him almost all the time we are at his place, which is a lot lol. I know a lot of people that go to a nude beach and are far from being perfect, I am just a little over whelmed.

My new lover is a bit of an enigma to me. He is a little older then me and only lost his v card about 4 or 5 years ago. He has only fucked 3 women and I am one of them. He made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship. His ex made him feel bad for not being home every night or being at all the special occasions at home. I simply told him if I didn't get enough sex from him I was not willing to stay exclusive with him and will find another man to fuck. He treats me like a girlfriend though. Hand holding in public, dates and he picks me up or drops me off at work when I am staying with him for the night. I made a joke that when I am financially free of my ex husband I would need a place to live as I will not stay in my home after it is done and he quickly said he could move his office downstairs and make room for me.

I am starting to here the old adage of "Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free" in my head. I think this is my problem. I love to fuck and suck, I have never hid that about me, but finding a decent long term partner that doesn't cheat on me or treat me like I am his mother seems impossible. I have heard men complain time and again that their wives, girls and partners are frigid and don't like sex, but YOU stay with them. So perhaps the key is to be a semi frigid bitch that takes their money and puts out once in a while is the key for me...No, because I would miss the sex.

I find the whole concept of relationships frustrating. People can't seem to be honest or open about their needs. Before you cheat on your partner, talk to them. If you are not happy or in love with them, end it. So many men say they are happy with their marriage, bullshit. You wouldn't be fucking someone else if that were true. I was unhappy with my marriage as it was because a lack of sex and conversation. I ended my marriage. It was a hard choice but I wasn't willing to cheat on him. I offered and open marriage as a last resort and he found someone to fuck. He wouldn't fuck me but found a girl after 2 weeks. Then when I came home all he wants to do is fuck me. I simply see a little who threw his toy away, and when he saw someone else playing with it, he wanted it back.

If I could save just one marriage by going through the hell I have I will think it a blessing that my marriage ended. I still want the happy marriage, I still want monogamy but There will never be a man with the same sex drive as me, or the same intelligence. The same need for just us two and the same love I always seem to offer but never get back in return. I am okay with it now. I will be 40 in September and I am going to end up alone in 2 years. This is my lot in life. I hate the idea of being alone, but I hate the idea of having my heart broken by one more person. I used to be a good person, my morals were strong, but since the end of my marriage I have done things that hurt me to the core. I suppose most people don't really think about their actions anymore. They just want to feel good, and so did I. Perhaps that's where I am going wrong. The feel good moment of an orgasm doesn't really last long enough to stop the guilt. Fuck I am a morose person lately lol

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