1420 posts 3/16/2017 5:27 pm
Last Read: 3/17/2023 10:38 am
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St Patrick's, anyday, at a Kerry village
Loneliness on one side, the moon light on the other, with her blue eyes and long blond hair, she nearly had me. Just some words from a song. They tell a story for me, and it's St Patrick's. Sooo, on one of my visits to Ireland a few years back, in a little village in Kerry, I was having a few beers and sharing tales with some mates in one of the three popular pubs. The fourth is by the local beach, about a mile from the village. Then some of their other friends turned up, and later on, even more friends. ( Very Irish. You go out for a quiet drink on your own. Within 2 hours, there are about 23 of you now, taking almost half the pub garden over. You have been introduced to all, but can only remember a couple of names. Everyone else becomes a 'mate' or just Pat! For the gals, you just ask them. Every time! You are in for a long night. With the nicest meaning of 'long night' We became a gang of about twenty guys and gals. We moved to another pub down the road, the new one, and part of the 'footprint' on my profile, of course. Drinks and stories, laughs and songs were free flowing for a while. It is always St Patrick's in Ireland, with the right people at the right place. There were subtle signs that one of the gals had her eyes on me. Helen was a quiet girl, but she would look at me, every time I spoke, or glanced at her. As a typical man, ( is it typical or is it only me? ) I failed to read the signs at the time. If it is anything less than been hit over the head with a frying pan, I don't do subtle. Not until years later, anyway. She leaned over and whispered something to a mate of mine who was sitting next to her on the other side of our large table, they had a little giggle, he said to her, don't worry, I'll sort it. He then looked at me, and said in his loud voice : Hey 'toiler', Helen here likes to have a look on the new pub, will you show her around? ( see? other men can not do subtle either! ) As I stood up she offered me her hand. I held her and started the 'tour' Here I am, holding this Irish cutie's hand, walking around, telling her all about this place, how it all became, she looks at me, smiles often, and do I do subtle yet? Nope! At some point I mention inserting a curvy pint of Guinness made out of a black and a white tile, in the boys toilets, right in the wall, cutting it in, inserting it in one of the other, normal tiles. FOOOOOTPRIIIIINT!!! In the ladies, I did a glass of red wine made out of mirror for the glass shape, and a burgundy tile, again, carefully and oh so proudly thought of, created, and inserted in a tile in the wall, by Mr footprint, over here! Fine smooth edges, symmetry, the works, and loads of love. ( After more than ten years, this pub is still rare. Footprint on one hand, but most important, a natural slate counter top all around the bar, that still refuses to show ring marks from the glasses! Oh yeah, I done that, with these hands of mine ha ha! ) Let's see, she said. After having a look at the pint of Guinness tiled on the wall, I took her to the ladies. We made sure there was no one else in the room, so I led her in, still holding her dainty hand. As the door shut behind us, she touched the glass of wine on the wall and said 'mmm, very nice, wonder what else you could show me, that's nice. I felt the frying pan on the back of my head! The penny dropped. Finally! I held her close as we kissed. She moaned softly. Like an angel! She was my Irish 'angel', for a few minutes. Then the effing fire alarm went, momentum was hit by a rocket. We all had to get out, there was no drama or panic scenes outside, everyone had managed to get out with their drink on hand, basically taking the pub to the street, all standing around chatting in absolute harmony, waiting for the all clear to go back in. Me and Helen had many things in common, as well as liking each other. We tried to appear normal but we both wanted more than a kiss. And we both knew it. It was hard, not to show it. Yeah, that was hard as well! There was no fire in the pub, just a false alarm, and Helen's fire was gone about an hour later, as well as Helen! She had to travel back to her seaside village early in the morning, in a few hours. I had to return to London a few days later. I often imagine her, on her , riding to the beach and back in the early mornings. What an angel she was. One of those times, where peoples 'journeys' are discovered to be parallel, but in opposite directions! Loneliness on one side, the moon light on the other, with her blue eyes and long blond hair, she nearly had me. Just some words from a song? Name has been changed to protect the innocent! But hello Jaaahny S. my...brother! You not innocent anyway!
Happy St Patric's day to all and thanx for reading.
And some, or more than some oirish jokes.
Seamus and Patrick fancied a pint or two, but not having a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!" Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." They went into a pub where Murphy immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jameson Whisky. Shamus said, "Now, you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!" Murphy replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks, and Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper, you get down on your knees, and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out! They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free! At the tenth pub, Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do any more o' this. I'm drunk, and me knees are killin' me!" Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!"
Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail."
Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . "Blow that," says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
19 Paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8....
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.
Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will 'ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick." Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."
After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming. pool was still full.
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. He sees it says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
Paddy shouts frantically into the 'phone, "My wife is pregnant and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first ?" asks the Doctor. "No," shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
An old Irish farmer's goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says, "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy," he replies.
Paddy's in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What on earth you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," Paddy replies. "It should be around your neck," says the Guard. "I know," says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees. "Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue. Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too." Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now" 3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?" "No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name?" Mick replies "Miles, from London !"
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