Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 6:27 pm
291001 Views
0 Comments , 66 Pending
You know you're old when....
Posted:Mar 4, 2021 5:34 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 6:26 pm
162 Views

You get new glasses on Tuesday and you're still trying get used the bifocals on Thursday.

Egads!

This getting thing is a fucking bitch!
10 Comments
Tonight at the gym....
Posted:Mar 3, 2021 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 5:44 pm
880 Views

It's been a while since I've said that!

Damn, I've missed going the gym....

As punishment for her snotty attitude, I forced the Spawn come with me for some special bonding time.

Just me.... Her.... The large, older man who kept wiping his arm pits with his towel and tossing it onto the treadmill next to me....

I couldn't have asked for a more special mother / experience.

I was minutes into my treadmill time when I heard her little voice facetiming her best friend.

"You should see this guy. It smells like armpits in here."

"Show me"

Horrified, I glance behind me and see the little stinker holding her phone up show her friend the guy.

"Hey! Why don't you go sit on the couch and talk [BFF]!"

There is no possible way this guy wasn't acutely aware of what was happening behind him. If it were possible, I would have died of embarrassment on the spot.

Lord have mercy on my soul....

Happy Wednesday!
19 Comments
Tuesday night with the Spawn.
Posted:Mar 3, 2021 3:37 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2021 5:45 pm
1089 Views

"Why is there a CapriSun juice thing in the shower??"

"I was thirsty."

"Did you take a shower? You were thirsty in the shower??"

"Yah. My goldfish crackers were salty."

What alternate universe have I stumbled into.....

"Ok. Let me get this straight. You were in the shower eating goldfish crackers and drinking juice. Why??"

"Duh!! It was an after school snack mom, I was hungry!"

Snatching the empty juice package out of my hand, she turned on her heel and huffed down the hall to throw it out.

Just when I think I've seen it all.....

Bam!!

Shower snacking!
26 Comments
What's in a name?
Posted:Mar 2, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2021 9:51 am
2331 Views

Quite a bit when someone has been calling you by the wrong name for over a year.

The restrooms where I work are a hub of activity.

People entering....

People exiting....

People milling about.....

They are quite possibly the water cooler of the retail world.

Frightening.

I was exiting the ladies room at the same time Fozzie Bear was exiting the men's room earlier today, we glanced at each other and said .

In the usual, walking in the same direction awkward small talk, we exchanged a few pleasantries as we were rounding the corner to the sales floor.

"Hey Nate!"

Coming toward us and heading into the men's room, Nate the Great returned my greeting and asked me if I would stop by the leadership office to help with something.

"Yes;, give a call when your done."

Fozzie Bear and I had walked about steps when he turned to , puzzled.

"What did you him?"

"Nate?"

"Why did you him Nate?"

"Because that's his name."

"I've been calling him Nic"

Unable contain myself, I burst laughing.

"Sorry, but that just made my whole . I haven't laughed this hard in forever."

"Why didn't he tell his name wasn't Nick?"

"[Fozzie]! He wears a name badge.... You've been working with him over over a year now. He was probably wondering how long it would take before you realized you were calling him the wrong name."

Fozzie Bear was NOT seeing the same humor in the situation.

It's a good thing I could....

Happy Tuesday!
17 Comments
It was a snooze button kind of day....
Posted:Mar 1, 2021 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 4:53 pm
2879 Views


You know how you can tell it's a Monday?

You start considering the parts to your morning routine you can do without just to hit snooze one more time.

Make up? Who needs make up?? I've got to wear a fucking mask anyway.

Zzzzzzzzzz

I don't really have to curly my hair... I'll just throw it up in a pony tail.

Zzzzzzzzzz

I'll just stop and grab a cup of coffee at the gas station on the way in to work. Maybe I don't even need coffee...

Zzzzzzzzzz

Oh SHIT!! Apparently I didn't hit snooze that last time!!

And... She's LATE folks!

In other news...

It was my Work BFF's last day with the company today so it was kind of a somber day.

I'm going to miss him so much.... Ruthless scrutiny of my peers just isn't the same without him.

Who in the hell is going to fix my shredder when I neglect to empty it and it starts to jam up from the inside?? Who am I going to whine to when the new month rolls around and I'm not tall enough to to reach the push pin in my calendar to flip the month???

When he was headed out for the last time today, he stopped by my office to say goodbye. I'm not normally a hugger, but I gave him a nice, long hug and wished him well.

He'd been unhappy since the corporate restructure changed his position... Hopefully he's able to find some work/life balance with the new job.

Happy Monday!
19 Comments
Have you seen my sanity?
Posted:Feb 28, 2021 12:37 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2021 2:56 pm
3043 Views

I lost it somewhere between the moment my hair dryer blew up in my hand and the moment I accidentally maced myself with dry shampoo...

I blame it on the Wolowitzes.

It's a certainty that I may never recover from the PTSD I incurred as a result of hearing them have SEX this morning.

Oh good lord!

While I didn't hear any actual *sex* noises.... Thank God! I did hear her raspy, I smoked a carton of Kool's, voice from down below moaning...

"Oh John.... Oh John.... Oh John...."

It didn't take me long to get my disgusted ass out of there!

I don't think this woman is capable of communicating in any form quieter than stadium roar.

If it's not at the top of her lungs, it's not worth saying!!

So, here I sit now. Red eyed, traumatized, and the underlying smell of burned hair has wafted through my apartment.....

Happy Sunday!

I'm off to a new hair dryer and some hard liquor.

Maybe an eyepatch...
31 Comments
Single Gal Adventures
Posted:Feb 27, 2021 6:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2021 9:56 pm
3272 Views
The Spawn is at her dad's house this weekend so I ended up trekking out alone get my view of the blue ice.

It is definitely past it's peak....

But it was a beautiful, sunshiny day and it felt good get out. It's amazing how good the sun can make me feel.

Is it psychological?

Is it the vitamin D?

I don't know.... But, I knew it was going be an amazing day.

I was doing 83 on the expressway when a cardinal flew across the road right in front of me. It caught my attention immediately, and, yes, I am one of those people who see symbolism in the happenings around me.

I've been struggling a little for a while now, feeling alone, a little stressed out from work, anxieties in the changes that are happening with my ....

Then I saw that cardinal, and I knew everything was going be ok.

I was not alone.

I got Mackinaw and there were a shit ton of people there, once again. I didn't actually think I was going to find a parking spot, but one opened right up in just the right spot.

Luck was on my side...

The ice is on it's decline, definitely nothing like it looked when it was peak, but the weather has been warming up and we've been getting periods of snow and rain so I knew the conditions wouldn't be ideal. I could still see the hint of blue, though.

I've shared my pic's of the bridge on here before, so today I thought I'd share the lighthouse. (Seeing as how the ice was subpar.)





I stopped at the Dixie Saloon to have a beer and a burger when I was done.

Timing was perfect, I got right in and the place filled up quickly after I got there.

I had received a text from Boss #2 asking me where I kept the letter head when I heard a voice from off to my right.

"It don't bother you to eat out alone?"

I looked over and there was a guy turned toward me with a drink in his hand.

"Not really, not any more than it bothers you to sit alone over there and drink."

"I see your point."

"Besides, it's a pain in the ass when you're trying to eat and make small talk at the same time."

I laughed, he chuckled, then turned back to what he was doing. I finished my text back to Boss #2 and ate my fries.

I'm pretty sure he was trying to invite himself over to where I was sitting, but the guy was oozing arrogance and bad cologne... The last thing I needed was to be blinded by the light reflecting off his belt buckle too.

The only cliché stereotype missing was a giant mustache....

Feeling somewhat accomplished, I finished my meal and headed home. In all, it was a pleasant Saturday.

I even got a nap in to boot!

Happy Saturday!
29 Comments
When you take your lunch and your coworkers have jokes!!
Posted:Feb 25, 2021 3:39 pm
Last Updated:Mar 1, 2021 3:40 am
6451 Views
I came back from lunch today to discover Joey staring very intently at me and Phoebe looking off in disgust.



I laughed so hard I was certain I was going to piss my pants.

God help me.... But I love those fucking googly eyes!

This may very well be my new thing.... I'm going to have to buy myself some googly eyes.

In other news...

I had my quarterly self review with Boss #2 today.

Ugh...

I think you all know from previous posts just how MUCH I love those things! I can't think of anything more rewarding than discussing my ability to manage ambiguity and facilitate communication during the trying times of a pandemic!

I managed to exceed every metric for training, hiring, and retention that I was being held accountable for...

so of course I only got a rating of 'Achieving Expectations' for my review.

I love it when your boss sits there and sings your praise and thanks you for all the amazing things you do for everyone each and every day and then slaps you in the face with....

Achieving Expectations.

That whole... 'There's no room for improvement' philosophy is bullshit.

I'm just going to leave it at that.

Happy Thursday!
34 Comments
Hey You!
Posted:Feb 24, 2021 10:48 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2021 10:55 pm
7201 Views

Why....  Yes!!  

all means, please DO just randomly walk into my office while I'm on the phone and start loudly talking about work shit.

I just *love* it when people do this to me!

Makes my WHOLE day!!

What's that???

You didn't realize I was on the phone???

Absolutely!!  

Keep right on loudly exclaiming how sorry you are to interrupt my phone conversation!  I don't mind at all....


Yah...  We all work with the fucktards that just don't seem to get it.  They are oblivious to everything and anything that isn't in some way directly related to what they are doing at that precise moment in time.  

Everyone Stop Everything!!  I'm in the room and I want your attention.

I don't often talk about the class division between the coworkers and the employees I work with.

To me?  They are all part of my team.  I work with and for them all in a lot of aspects of my job.  I treat them all with the same level of respect because, regardless of whether you are stocking a shelf or leading a department, you are necessary in our process.

Here's the thing though....

There are very noticeable differences between the peeps I call employees and the peeps I call coworkers.

The employees tend to be the ones who don't have any sense of decorum when it comes to office etiquette.  I hear about sex lives, bathroom moments, court cases, and pretty much everything I don't want to know about a person on the daily.  

What's that??  Your was caught shoplifting and you bitched out the loss prevention guy because he "should have warned him first"??  For fuck's sake...  You MUST take up the first 45 minutes of my day going over the blow--blow of what happened!  

Hells bells....

I didn't need to attend that mandatory zoom meeting on our new benefit structure.  Your story was SO MUCH MORE useful to me!


So, yes...  My guess is, if you are still reading my drivel today, you've figured out that I'm having a bad day.

My head hurts, and I'm so tired....  

You know it's bad when I'm sitting here in my office with the door shut to ward off the masses so that I may unleash my frustrations into my blog.  Even as I sit here now, typing away, the most annoying man on earth has parked himself out in the hallway outside my office so that he can carry loud conversations with employees who have shit to do and can't get him without having to politely participate in the conversations.  

He's looking for 3 pallets of sidewalk salt.

He's definitely going to find those pallets back here in the OFFICES!  

It's taking every ounce of strength to not open my door and yell at him to...

Shut the fuck up!

Ugh...  
27 Comments
When its 40 degrees in the middle of February...
Posted:Feb 23, 2021 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2021 4:20 pm
8069 Views


After a week of zero temperatures.... 40 degrees suddenly feels like shirt sleeve weather.

I had to unzip my coat as I was headed to my car tonight because I was....

Get this...

Too !!

Hopefully this is a sign that spring has sprung and winter has crested!
19 Comments
The true test of bravery?
Posted:Feb 22, 2021 3:25 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2021 3:43 pm
8313 Views

Watch 'The Conjuring' in the darkness of your bedroom at o'clock night and you'll never be the same again.

Covers pulled up to your chin, afraid to move, searching the dark corners of your room for that hideous witch you'd just spent the last 90 minutes watching on screen....

Dear God... Do I hear something scratching? Is that a demon??

"Oh My God! That IS something scratching!!"

Throwing my feet over the side of my bed, ready to bolt for the door... The kitty reached from beneath the bed and hugged my ankles with her paws.

[Insert terrified scream here]

"What is going on back here?!?"

The Spawn was standing in my now open doorway watching me cover my with a pillow.

"Tilly scared ."

By now we were both laughing.

"No more scary movies mom! This can't be good for you."

"I think going to sleep with the cat tonight. I read somewhere they can detect evil spirits."

"I think I was adopted."

Turning on her heel, she headed back down the hallway to the living room. She was now laughing and FaceTiming her best friend, filling her in on her crazy mom's antics.

I may not be an 80's sitcom mom.... But it's never a dull moment around here.

One , she will have a hell of a lot of stuff to talk about with a therapist!

Happy Monday!
21 Comments
The Blue Ice Phenomenon
Posted:Feb 21, 2021 6:50 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2021 3:18 pm
8625 Views
Most of the readers who frequent my blog are not from Northern Michigan.

When I mention things that are regional to me, like natural phenomenon and geographic location, it can be lost on people.

For instance, the blue ice.

To me, it's something kind of cool that happens near where I live and I try to see it when I can because it doesn't happen every year....

This just happens to be a blue ice year!

The ice is actually kind of an illusion.... As, it's not really blue. When the ice forms, it's the lack of air bubbles and pure water that create the illusion when the ice sheets are pushed up to shore, allowing it to appear blue.

It really is a spectacular sight on a sunny day!

For those of you who sent me messages and wanted to know more, here you go.

The pic's are not mine, but they were taken within the last 5 days, I borrowed them from online.



27 Comments

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