Just a glimpse...  

secret_lade 44F
628 posts
11/9/2016 6:15 pm
Just a glimpse...

Is all it took.

All the old feelings....

Love, anger, hurt.

We all find ourselves in situations where we may feel like we're doing the right thing, but we are in fact, making the wrong choice.

After I left my husband in 2010 I found myself in a relationship with a man who I was head over heels in love with. He was kind, and intelligent, and very hard working.

He was also married.

Although he claimed to be unhappy and had assured me many times he was leaving her, that day never came.

Cliche, I know.

Every woman wants to think she is the exception to the rule. The situation had caused me a lot of heartache, and depression, until the day came I couldn't keep my life on hold any longer and decided to make the break.

Those of you who remember my old blog know I blogged frequently about him and my need to let go of all those old feelings.

Days go by, now, without even the slightest thought of him. Most traces of him have long since been removed from my life.....

And then I see him.

I made a quick trip to the gas station to get a fountain pop tonight, and there he was. He had pulled up to a gas pump while I was in the store and had turned to look in the direction of the store as I was walking out with my daughter.

My anxiety got the best of me and I immediately went into a full on panic attack, it felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Glancing down, I made a comment to my daughter about making sure the lid was on tight to her drink.

It bothers me that I feel those hurt feelings all over again.

dayzeeme 50F
6537 posts
11/9/2016 9:28 pm

Instead of reliving the hurt feelings, are there some good, happy memories that you can try to focus on instead? Try to teach yourself to have a different reaction to seeing him if at all possible.
I also suffer from panic attacks and general anxiety. "Please don't make ME be the one to call and order a pizza." Hubby does not understand why it bugs me to have to do it, and similar things, and he gets frustrated. I try to force myself to do them more so they are less stressful eventually. The panic attacks however seem to revolve around my son's health and my being able to fall asleep and breathe. So stupid most times, but the mind does what it wants to at that time. My antidepressants have cut most of the panic attacks out, but when they break through, life is hell.

secret_lade replies on 11/10/2016 8:00 am:
I've heard a lot of "just don't let it bother you" over the years. Like I have a choice??? My choice would be to NOT get all worked up over saying something wrong or having to bring something back to the store.

As for the guy, I think I prefer to just not think about him.

mc_justmc 58M  
4189 posts
11/9/2016 7:23 pm

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 9:14 pm:
Do you suffer from generalized anxiety as well? It's usually small stuff, like this, that affects me most.

Oh, sure. If I don't have a crisis, I'll create one in my mind. This is a daily activity for me. I work alone most of the time, there's tension when I look at the answering machine, when I check the call log, and when I have to open the doors? Yikes! I do it, but I hate it.

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 7:52 pm:
I so know your pain.... It took me 45 minutes to talk myself into calling my daughters dentist and orthodontist to reschedule her appointments when she was sick. Yet, we manage. A true testament to our strength.

redrockrascal 60M
19082 posts
11/9/2016 7:10 pm

Been there it sucks

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 7:16 pm:
It does suck. And, not in the good way....

mc_justmc 58M  
4189 posts
11/9/2016 7:06 pm

I get that every now and then. It makes me feel like finding a hole to drop in to until they're gone.

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 7:14 pm:
Do you suffer from generalized anxiety as well? It's usually small stuff, like this, that affects me most.

FarmGirl6969 55F  
285 posts
11/9/2016 7:01 pm

Sorry to hear that. Understand though. Been there.

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 7:06 pm:
I'm sorry to hear you've been there as well... I kind of think of it as a stepping stone, though, to becoming the person I am today.

scott6250 56M  
13458 posts
11/9/2016 6:41 pm

I'm sorry to hear that all of those old feelings came back just from seeing him. Just remember that he lied and probably never intended to divorce her. Hugs!!!

"Sweet, steamy, sensuous kisses light the bright fires of passionate lust within us." scott6250

secret_lade replies on 11/9/2016 6:56 pm:
Yep, I know that. I have a pretty good life that I created all by myself.

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