Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2020 8:07 pm
1 comment , 28 Pending
Sunday, Sunday....
Posted:Jul 12, 2020 4:28 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2020 3:40 am
After a shit ton of sleep, I finally felt like myself again today. Did some laundry, did some vacuuming, did some cooking....

I was sitting on my balcony enjoying the beauty of the day when this happened.

Radio blaring, yelling into the phone.... My downstairs neighbor speeds up to the building then hops out of her truck, coughing and hacking, dropping her cigarette in the process.

"Jack! Jack! Get my inhaler!"

After a moment of commotion and shuffling, she picks up the cigarette and tells whoever is on the phone with her, she has to go.

She's got to her doctor.

Now, I'm not exactly certain she realizes I sit out on my balcony....

Because, she stood right below me, and made a phone . She was making a her doctor.

"This is [White Trash Downstairs Neighbor]. I need to request another prescription for my steroid. My lung infection is back."

Coughing... Legit coughing. Brief silence, then the sound of a Bic lighter lighting a new smoke.

"Yah, that's the one. It hurts real bad to breathe."

I'll bet... How about we take another long drag of that Marlboro.

"Uh huh, Walmart. Ok, bye."

And, they were off.

Feeling like maybe I should get out and do something, I decided to get my gym gear on and go work out.

I kicked it up a notch on the treadmill and ended up a gross, sweaty mess by the time I was done.

Not pretty...

I've realized it takes a little bit for me to actually start to sweat. I get flushed, and feel over heated, and even a hair sick to my stomach, but once I break that sweat, there is no turning it off.

I was 20 minutes in when I felt it trickle down the side of my face. I had already been feeling it on my arms and back, but not to that degree. I licked my lips, salty... I do like the taste of salty skin.

I'm usually doing other things, though, when I'm tasting salty skin.

It's that moment, though, when I start to break a sweat, that the workout becomes easier. Forty five minutes on the treadmill isn't quite so bad, I can do this! Kicking it up to 3.5 incline isn't such a big deal anymore, I can do this!

And then there's that magical moment when you've reached the cool down....

I think to myself, I fucking did it!

I'm a gross, sweaty mess with my bangs plastered to my forehead but I just did 45 minutes on the treadmill, walked 1.48 miles, and burned 293 calories.

Take that, Sunday!
Out of Gas Anything Helps
Posted:Jul 11, 2020 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2020 11:20 pm

I've struggled with a headache all day today.

After sitting on the balcony, listening to music for God knows how long, I finally decided to just crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the day away.

It helped.

When I woke up I decided to put myself back together as best I could and head to the gym for just a bit... Just to keep the routine going.

And then I saw him.

There was a guy, barefoot, standing on the corner by the stoplight holding the cardboard sign that said "Out of Gas Anything Helps".

Where I live, this isn't something you see very often.

Real... Not real... Who knows.

It's a human being and he kind of looked to me like he needed help. So, I rolled down my passenger window and said "I don't have much, but I'd like to help."

I gave him the $5 bill I had in my purse.

Whether it was a scam or not, I don't know, I'd like to think he really needed help.

While my day was not the greatest and I didn't really feel my best, I'd like to think that at least one good thing came out of it.

Human kindness.
Mexican Food and Studmuffins....
Posted:Jul 10, 2020 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Jul 11, 2020 7:08 pm

Hot Tamale!!

It was a bit of a rough start, but the Mexican restaurant turned out to be a huge success.

They were still making the food when I got there, which was inconvenient, but at least I knew it was fresh and hot. I was sitting in the waiting area when I heard my name being called from the kitchen.


Who in the hell is going to know me from the Mexican restaurant?? Everyone I've spoken with, from the restaurant, has pronounced my name incorrectly so far... Must be a tough one for those who speak Spanish.

Turns out it was someone I had hired temporarily during the shut down who had returned back to his regular job... At the Mexican restaurant!

Apparently I make an impression on people.

He came out to the waiting area to thank me for giving him a chance to work when he would have otherwise had no employment.

I do like to hear stuff like that... It makes me feel good to know that I have the ability to make somebody else's life better. This particular guy had just received an eviction notice when I brought him in to onboard him.

The rest of the day ended up being kind of a blur of too much to do and not enough time to do it in...

So, when it was time for me to go home, I could have cartwheeled all the way to my car if I wasn't 100 years old with bad knees and ankles. Instead I did the fast walk... Avoiding the isles with coworkers and selectively not hearing the people who called out my name.

This day was done!

Um... I wish.

I pull into the parking lot and head to my spot when I see Studmuffin sitting on the tailgate of his truck and a buddy leaned up against the side.

My inner snob was sighing in disdain and disapproval.

I tried to get out of my car and head to the door as fast as possible, to avoid any type of conversation what-so-ever, but, it was no use.

They both looked right at me the minute I parked.

I was nearly to the door when Studmuffin yells out to me "Hi".


"Hi" I half heartedly threw back at him, barely turning.

"I hope you had a good day." Ugh... Even worse, he's trying to be nice.

"Um, it was ok. Work." I turned to acknowledge them, but my response was half hearted. I was already turning to go through the door...

"How do you like my truck?" Really???? Oh My Fucking God! "I've been really putting a lot of work into it. Do you like it?" Christ... Now I'm going to have to pretend to be nice.

"I don't remember what it looked like before." Yah, that wasn't nice. What's wrong with me, I can't hide my dislike. Turning to head into the door again....

"It was all black, and kind of rusty. See?? I have the bottom painted silver now..." He was really proud of his handiwork.

"Yes, I did see that. It looks nice, you've done a good job." This time I was nicer. Big mistake...

"I needed a change after my divorce. My wife left me and I just..... Wanted something different."

"The old truck had bad juju... I get it."

"Yah, exactly."

At this point, I told him to be proud of his handiwork and have a good day, escaping into the building and up into my apartment.

Home at fucking last....

Welcome to the border, may I take your order?
Posted:Jul 9, 2020 6:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2020 1:59 pm

So.... Yah.

I'm in the process of putting together a luncheon for work tomorrow and decided to go with a local Mexican restaurant.

Red flags everywhere....

The first time I called to see if they could even provide us with what we needed, the person who answered the phone said to me... "You call tomorrow. Boss no here, you call tomorrow. One o'clock. You call tomorrow."

Um.... Ok.

I consult with Boss #2 who was listening from her office, and we decide we will give it another shot.

I called back the following day.

This time a female with broken English told me the boss was not there and he is only in and out briefly, can he give me a call.

Seeing this become a giant waste of my time, I told the girl that he had until 4 pm or I would have no choice but to choose a different restaurant. I then went on to tell her I was looking at ordering enough food for 125 people and if they didn't have the capability of providing this for me to just tell me now so I can Keep looking.

Suddenly, she was taking my order.

Within 45 minutes the boss who was never there was calling me back, confirming my order, and assuring me they had the capabilities of providing us what I needed. He quoted me a price and then politely asked if I could provide 50% down.

Not a big deal... It was a lot of food I was ordering and the restaurant is kind of small..... So Boss #2 drops off the 50% today after work.

Nobody knows anything.


She texts me a picture of the receipt and I just want to die.

It's the workers name, the word paid (in Spanish) and the dollar amount.

Am I even going to be able to invoice this???

Needless to say, I'm not feeling very secure about this whole thing. We'll see what happens tomorrow when I show up to pick up the food. I have a bad feeling I'm going to be demanding my $500 back and walking away with no food.

Wish me luck!
My spidey senses are tingling....
Posted:Jul 8, 2020 5:18 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2020 6:02 pm

And they're telling me there is heartbreak afoot!!

The Studmuffin was in the middle of the parking lot when I got home from work today, complete with crappy black truck and a midlife crisis blond. Thankfully he was behind the wheel, it looked as though he was headed out when he was stopped....

Wait a second here... What exactly am I witnessing? Is it?? It is!!

Yep, you guessed it!

Studmuffin was breaking hearts and taking names.

Midlife Crisis Blond was standing next to the drivers side window of the truck, crying.

When I pulled into the drive I had interrupted a giant, public, redneck break up. He was now forced to move out of the way as he was blocking the drive. He slowly rolled forward to allow me through in my car as the Midlife Crisis Blond turned on her heel, wiped a few tears, and headed into her building.

I didn't even look in his direction as we drove past each other.


The guy certainly knows how to create a scene. The only thing missing was the crowd of big haired, chain smoking friends morally supporting Mid Life Crisis Blond.

Happy Wednesday.
The Apartment Studmuffin
Posted:Jul 7, 2020 2:37 pm
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2020 3:10 pm

Apparently the guy across the hall has become the resident Apartment Studmuffin.

I look at him.... And I see a loser without a job who hangs out in the parking lot all day.

I guess the girlfriend/wife is gone now??

Cause, I see all the fake blond, mid life crisis residents have begun to orbit him and his crappy black truck.

Today he is actually WASHING his truck in the up front parking spots. I parked there anyway, fucking douche.

The moment I started pulling into my space the white trash blonde he was talking to stumbled into the parking spot and just looked at me and smiled like she was cute or something.

Um, yah, no.....

Chick, you're probably older than I am, no amount of peroxide is going to hide that fact.

She flitted off to an apartment in one of the other buildings and I just shook my head. This is a residential apartment complex, it's not a set from a b-level porno....

The cable man doesn't come with tear off pants and the pizza guy really only has pizza in that box.

Perhaps I just have higher standards....

But, I don't want to come home to a scene from Car Wash at the end of the day or feel embarrassed to have a friend come over and witness the white trash episode of the moment.
Sometimes I wonder....
Posted:Jul 6, 2020 3:20 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2020 4:48 pm

Why can't I just be normal? Or, some relative semblance of normal?

Most of the time I feel like a fucking neurotic crazy person.

I was doing ok this morning. My Middle was getting ready for his day, as you may recall, he headed down to Detroit today to do his Marine testing. He had just gotten out of the shower, and the door was closed, but I yelled through the door to have a good day and wished him luck.

Then I went to leave.

And, I headed back to the closed door and told him to bring cash and that I loved him.

Then I went to leave.

And, I headed back to that goddamn door one more time to tell him I'm proud of him.

This time I forced myself to leave as I was going to be late for work.

So far, so good, no emotional breakdowns. I'd handled the whole thing like a champ!

And then the Beatles song 'Yesterday' started to play.

First the eyes teared up. Them my lips trembled as I tried to hold it back. The next thing I know I'm a blubbering mess in the parking lot at work.

Fucking fantastic.

I managed to pull myself back together and head in. Thankfully the most irritating man on the face of the planet had decided to walk in at the same time so I was able to shift my sorrow to irritation and hatred of the most irritating man on earth.

You know the guy....

The one who says stupid shit that requires no answer or comment back and stares at you like you're supposed to respond.

I made it all the way to my office and worked for a bit before I managed to get emotional not once, but TWICE while talking to Nose Hairs, complete with teary eyes and hitched voice.


I think I even said to him, "oh my God, I'm a fucking crazy person." He just listened, he knows I'm having a hard time with it all, and I told him that today I was worried about my being down in Detroit.... Crime.... etc.

I think, sometimes, the best conversations are the ones where you can just talk while someone listens.

I get it now.... Right now, this very moment, why people love to talk to me. I have a lot of conversations, and a lot of people come to me for help. Not because I'm a genius or have every answer....

They come to me because I listen.

I'm seeing it all, right now, from the other side. I'm usually that person who is listening. Sometimes I have input, sometimes I do not. But, I always listen, and empathize, and share the moment when there are tears as I offer encouragement.

I get it.
Three day weekend, last day....
Posted:Jul 5, 2020 3:35 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2020 2:35 pm

My weekend has flown by....

I took the Spawn to Sturgeon Bay again today, it just might possibly be my most favorite spot on this entire earth.




Wilfred Brimley and Jerry Garcia??

The Spawn and I had been in the water for quite some time when I decided I'd better get more sunscreen on. So far, so good, I've been able to keep myself to a nice, healthy shade of not quite sunburned.

I don't want to wreck it...

So, we headed back to where we had set up our chairs and towels and discovered the little section of beach that had been secluded when we arrive was now peppered with people.


On our right was Wilfred Brimley standing guard, eyeballing the beach goers and smoothing down his giant mustache.

On our left was Jerry Garcia, listening to tunes, wrapped in some sort of blue cape like thing.


We headed to our little spot on the beach just in time... Just in time to see the super tan speedo man fall backwards in his chair but laugh heartily as he managed to save his drink.

It was a feat of miraculous agility, apparently.

Kind of like a cat landing on it's feet.... It was a drunk, super tan speedo man not spilling a drop.

A true miracle.

Happy Sunday.
Happy Fourth of July!!
Posted:Jul 4, 2020 5:25 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2020 2:37 pm

My didn't start so ....

I ended up spilling half a cup of coffee down the side of my fridge and on the kitchen floor when I went to move the cup.


It was like the thing stuck to the counter and refused to slide. Probably didn't help that my mind was in a million places at once.

Like always....

After two loads of laundry and an hour at the , everything seemed better.

For me, the is like mental clarity. I listen to music and get on the elliptical and everything kind of comes into focus.

I can think.

Today I thought about my current romantic situation, or, lack thereof... And realized, it is exactly what I need it to be.

Am I happy with things the way they are? No....

Do I want them to be different? Yes....

I've realized, however, that I now need something way different in my life then what I've always looked to find.

looking for someone with whom I can develop an emotional attachment to as well as have sex.

It's been a really, really long time since I've felt this way.

I've always been a little cavalier about sex.... not going to coat things as I've had many sexual partners over the years, in some cases I don't even remember names.... But sexual activity to me had always just been for gratification and fun.

Not for love... Not since I was married....

Which is why I've always found my way back here. The men on here aren't looking for love, they're looking for a little gratification and someone to stroke their.... ego.

For a time, it was exactly what I needed.

not quite sure what to do with this epiphany. Even as sitting here, enjoying this amazing summer evening, drinking wine on my balcony.... perplexed.

The moment I decide to start looking for love, I know my feelings will be hurt over and over again as familiar with how the real world operates. I will continue to encounter the men who are looking for just a piece of ass, only now it will be disguised behind the facade of "looking for the one". up there in age now so I will be compared to past wives/girlfriends and judged by buddies.

I think for today, I'll just stick to the wine on my balcony and save the heart ache for another day.
Friday... Vacation Day!!
Posted:Jul 3, 2020 4:24 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2020 4:37 pm

Boss #2 was gracious enough to let me take a much needed vacation day today.

It was fricking amazing...

The weather is absolutely gorgeous and Lake Michigan was amazing. The Spawn and I spent two hours just lounging in the water following the sand bars down to the point. It was a beautiful enough that I was able to let go of my anxiety over my Middle going to Detroit on Monday to do his ASVAB testing.

I'm thankful he won't be alone as he will be on a shuttle bus with other Pooley's. (Apparently that's what they're called when they're still in the candidate pool.) I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pulling at my heart strings watching him take these steps into adulthood.

It helps to see him so excited about it.

I'd thought he was staying at his Dad's last night when he came home around 7 o'clock excitedly telling me he had his first workout with the recruiter.

OMG! You scared me! I thought you were staying at dad's.

No, I was working out with the Pooley's. I did 39 pull ups. Surprised myself. Thought I was going to puke twice....

OMG! Why? Are you ok??

When you exercise your core, if you have food in there, it works itself back out.

OMG! I don't like this!

I've got this mom! (Huge smile on his face.) Your boy didn't puke.

So, yah, I'm struggling, but I'm accepting. I also had to accept the fact that he's also found himself a different job. We will be coworkers no more.....

I really liked having him work with me, too.
When in doubt....
Posted:Jul 2, 2020 1:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2020 11:19 pm

The answer is YES!

Please do!!

Absolutely use that front parking spot, and the one next it, resurface your shitty truck in the parking lot of our apartment building.

You fucking douche bag....

I got home from work yesterday and the neighbor from across the hall was sanding the bottom portion of his truck with a power sander right in front of the building, right in front of the apartment of the guy who works third shift.

I'm certain the guy was in there trying to sleep as all blinds were drawn and it looked pretty dark.

The ignorance of some people astounds me.
Gym Tales
Posted:Jul 1, 2020 6:26 pm
Last Updated:Jul 3, 2020 3:45 pm

When my key card wouldn't open the door at the gym yesterday, I messaged the owner to see what was up.

Apparently, there's a lot up.

At the time, I'm certain she was under the belief that I had done something to the card to deactivate it and prevent myself from being able to enter or that it was merely operator error.

So, she told me she would review the video.


Like.... I'm going to lie about the key card not working? Because.... why would I lie about something stupid like that?

I have to say, I felt a little vindicated today when she messaged me back stating she had been on the phone with corporate all day because they are having issues with the door that she was unaware of. Apparently the door is randomly picking and choosing who it wants to let in.


At this point in time, my card is not working with the door.... Which means, I can only work out when the staff is there. The staff is only there during my own work hours.... So, no workouts for me until the door is fixed.

Just when I had it back! They take it all away....

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