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What life looks like minus 130lbs
Posted:Dec 15, 2021 4:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 6:55 am
1562 Views

Things I don’t worry about now that I’m not 330lbs
- Getting in and out of the driver’s seat
- Fastening my seatbelt
- Being able park next other cars without worrying about if I can get out or if someone else will back the car out first
- Being able sit in chairs without worrying if I’ll fit or if they’ll collapse under me
- Sitting next a stranger and not feeling like I’m spilling into their personal space
- Being able to shop at any clothing store
- My can comfortably sit on my lap because I actually a lap
Things that haven’t changed even though I’m no longer 330lbs
- I still feel judged whenever I for clothes in regular sizes, like the sales people are wondering what the hell I’m doing because obviously, that stuff wouldn’t possibly fit me
o But now I also feel judged if I go into a specialty size store like Torrid or Lane Bryant (for the reason) their looks are also mixed with anger, like I’m making fun of them by trying shop
- I still hate eating around people because I feel like they’re judging everything I put in my mouth and silently counting my calories, doing a mental countdown when I get fat again
- I still hate sitting next strangers because I still feel their disgust at having sit next the fat
- I still wear baggy, oversized shirts hide my gigantic stomach
- I still wear deodorant everywhere because I’m paranoid about body odor
o This is actually probably worse now than was when I was heavier because I feel the skin rubbing together and sticking together now more than I did before
- I still feel ugly more days than not
o This is worse now because my skin has lost so much elasticity that I feel like I’ve aged a decade over the last 2 years
- I’m terrified to take my clothes off, even in front of my husband…I’m always afraid one day I’ll see a of complete disgust on his (or anyone’s) face
- Body dysmorphia is real and ’s a fucking pain in my ass
o I in the mirror and still see the 330lb body I’ve always seen. Logically I know I collar bones and that I can see ribs and that those things weren’t when I was that heavy, but logic gets thrown out the window when the crazy takes over
- I still feel people staring at me and judging me everywhere I go
- I still feel like the token fat in any group I’m part of
- I believe anyone compliments me is lying or trying manipulate me
I believed for so long that losing weight would fix so many of my problems, and don’t get me wrong, is a LOT that has improved! I love being able crawl around on the floor with my , being able swing with them or go down the slide with them. I’m grateful that rolling over in bed is no longer an exhausting task and neither is going up a couple of steps or getting into the car or tying my shoes. I’m grateful that getting new clothes doesn’t cost me an entire paycheck just for a couple of tops and a new pair of jeans (nice, plus sized clothes are EXPENSIVE!!!). I’m grateful that I can move easier and more comfortably. But dropping pounds was not the cure-all I always thought it would be.
The truth is, so many of my fears and concerns surrounding my weight weren’t tied to the physical limitations associated with that weight, but rather with the judgement and ridicule I felt from others. I’ve heard it said many times that the opinions of others are none of your business (and it’s a lesson I’m trying to instill in my daughters even as I try to learn it at 40), and unfortunately, it’s a concept I started try learn after the damage had already been done. I’ve never had much self-confidence, though I am one hell of an actress and learned how fake confidence and resilience disturbingly well.
0 Comments
What's in a schedule?
Posted:Jan 26, 2021 1:14 pm
Last Updated:Feb 19, 2021 5:45 am
3036 Views

There have been a lot of major changes in my world and my life recently, most of which I won't get into currently - I simply don't have the time nor inclination. What I will divulge fact that these changes have left in therapy, asking questions I had previous ignored, such as who am I apart from being a mom, what do I enjoy doing, what are the things in life I value and the question for today...

What so important about having and following a schedule that I believe I need have one in place when also appears be entirely counter-intuitive those things I value?

Let start off by saying that I actually do value and enjoy schedules and following schedules....when I'm[\I][\B] not one in charge of creating them. I like structure vs chaos, I prefer predictability surprise, and I like know what expectations are vs winging and hoping for best. Unfortunately, I tend get lost in minutia when creating a schedule and rather than giving myself an outline of how my day should go, I tend render a minute by minute itenerary that, if even slightly deviated from, throws and my day into utter chaos.

I'm definitely a detail oriented person - I was a nurse for over yrs...details kept from killing people. And I seem be great at mastering details of other peoples lives. For example, keeping my 3 schedules, my husbands schedules, medications, appointments, projects, deadlines and important events organized. But getting myself organized seems evade entirely. For example, I just realized about an hour ago that I scheduled an appointment for my at 10 tomorrow, which exact time that I have an appointment for myself... other side of town. And too l and appointments too important, to reschedule. So, now I have to figure out how to be in 2 places at once. Don't worry, I'll get accomplished because that's simply what I do, but maybe if I had some sort of schedule in place, I wouldn't have made mistake at .

As I said, I actually do like schedules and I do enjoy stability they provide. My problem lies not in following a schedule, but rather in following any kind of schedule that I create. As I said, I get too bogged down in the minutia of it . If I make a schedule, starts become so precise that sometimes I get down minute. issue with that is that it leaves no room for flexibility and it has change day by day depending what's going with that given day. I can't put in there, for example, a two hour block of time in the afternoon for "run errands"...what if I have no errands run that day? What if I need run my errands sooner, or later? What if takes longer get them done than 2hrs? Then the rest of my day entirely shot and I feel like I've failed at my schedule.

This or nothing, black or white, style thinking has proven truly difficult and irritating in multiple areas of my life...this is just one that's presenting itself most forcefully at this time. I think this boils down a lot of my rationale for wanting a "diet and exercise dominant". Yes, I enjoy a D/s dynamic, but more so than that, it's so much easier for me let someone else handle details and then simply do as instructed. Honest god, someone needs create a damned app link health/fitness minded doms with subs looking for that particular inspiration/direction. I'm not suggesting dom's don't get paid for their time... could be a subscription service for I care...but yeah. Some of you tech savy folks really oughta get that.
1 comment
The Lost Art of Flirting
Posted:Jan 18, 2021 8:40 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2021 1:40 pm
3243 Views

Why come Meelp if you're not looking for a random hook-up?

I get asked this question constantly. It doesn't matter how much substance I put in my profile, how many ways I try explain what I'm looking for or how many times I repeat myself; the never-ending stream of "Wana fuk" messages just keep rolling in.

What happened flirting and chasing the person you're interested in? I realize this is an adult sex site and that alone should cut down on some of the more boring aspects of "dating", but that does't mean tact and decorum can't be used. Honestly, if anything, I think they're even more important, given the nature of this site. The fact of the matter is, everyone is looking for and interested in finding sex in some way, shape, size or form. Because of this, people literally have their pick of dozens, if not hundreds of partners. It's crucial be able stand out in the crowd, so rather than assuming that because you're both on a sex site it automatically means you're gonna get laid, highlight some of your critical thinking skills and turn on her brain before thinking your mere presence in her inbox is gonna make her panties wet.

This is where flirting comes in. "Show me your tits", is not flirting. "Wat r u doing", is not flirting. "Yer hot. Wanna fuck?", is not flirting. And news flash, none of that is attractive, enticing, or flattering, either. I may be a girl looking for sex, but that doesn't mean I'm just gonna lay down and spread my legs for any dick that rolls passed. First of all, I'm not hard up to get laid. Secondly, I enjoy conversation with quick witted people. Third, I'm an attention from hell and I thrive on compliments, good conversation, affection, and hearing about how I turn you on.

A guy who can flirt well seems to be few and far between, and that fact makes sad. I totally get wanting to cut through the red tape, but at least take the time to review a person's profile and decide if they seem like the "cut straight to it" kind before doing so. I put the time and effort into writing my profile descriptively so as to cut down on the amount of BS thrown at me; sending me a message asking questions that my profile clearly answers or discusses is an immediate turn off.

Most women, myself included, get a lot more out of sex when their mind is as engaged as their body. That doesn't mean I want to date you or fall in love with you, or have a future with you...it just means I want you to take the time to figure out what turns me on and makes me wet without asking ridiculously blunt questions. Subtlety does have its place and its uses, and a guy who can flirt strategically is a huge turn .
1 comment
What is a BBW?
Posted:Sep 9, 2020 8:25 pm
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2020 9:17 am
6818 Views

What defines a woman as a BBW? I've spent my entire adult life at 300+lbs & always considered myself a BBW. I'm now in the 190's & officially lost on how describe my body type. So, in your opinion & point of view, what is it that makes a woman "big & beautiful"?
Any woman 300lbs or more is a BBW
Any woman who wears a size 12 or larger is a BBW
BBW is an attitude, not a dress size or weight.
An above average size body area (extra large thighs, ass, tummy or tits) make a BBW
2 Comments , 59 votes
Weightloss
Posted:Apr 26, 2020 2:01 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2020 5:32 am
3208 Views

So...i could really use some motivation and inspiration from a healthy, dominant-type these days.

I'm a 38yr old SAHM and I swear, i can come with some impressive excuses for why i can't eat right or workout. I had gastric sleeve surgery in December 2019 & progress has been slow...primarily because my self-discipline SUCKS. I have a *want* eat healthy, appropriately sized meals and workout daily...but I can't seem make that want line with what I *do*.

My goal weight is 5lbs, so I've got about 60 more pounds drop (I've lost about 100lbs currently).

Ideally, I'm looking for someone experienced with online domination/training who understands the best results happen when you can get into a subs mind & figure out how to make them tic. Definitely not opposed RL meetings if you're close enough, but considering how I live in the middle of nowhere, I'm certainly not expecting it. This person should be around my age (cuz I'd like fantasize about fucking you, quite honestly & I'm not fucking anyone younger than 33 or older than 55), and have a body that proves you know what you're doing/instructing me to do. You also need to be flexible enough to understand i will have dietary & time restrictions.

My weight has always been a really sensitive area of discussion for me, so please know that as well. If you want to help out, let me know!!

You can contact me here or find me on k ! k

xbeautifulxliex
0 Comments
Our busy life
Posted:Apr 28, 2019 9:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2020 10:43 pm
3290 Views

Hubby and I haven't been very darn active around here lately, but it's honestly for good reason - we're expecting baby #3 sometime in the next 6 to 9 weeks!

Who knew where we'd be a little more than a year ago...it just seems crazy.

A year ago, I was so angry and hurt I couldn't hardly function. Through a lot of tears, arguments, negotiations and some more fighting, we finally managed to work out a system where we're both happy, comfortable, and more open and honest with each other then we ever thought was possible. Our sex life improved by leaps and bounds, our marriage is stronger than ever, and we're happier and more content then we ever thought we could be. And wouldn't ya know it...just when everything seems like it's going great and right on track, we finally get a little peanut to stick as the cherry on top of our glorious Sundae!

We are so, SO excited for this baby to arrive! This will be our last one, so while mama deals with the sadness goes along with realizing there are no more babies to come, we're really excited to become a family of 5! Hubby is looking forward to getting clipped in July (as crazy as may sound) and we're trying to decide what kind of birth control to put me on for the next couple of years until I have a total hysterectomy.

My mom died of Ovarian Cancer in 20 and her grandma died of Uterine Cancer, so we've decided our safest course of action is simply going to be for me to get the whole damn mess cut out. We just don't want me going through menopause and hysterectomy restrictions with a newborn lol

I still haven't ever hooked up with anyone and I still don't know I ever will. I'm very content looking, flirting, and imagining the possibilities for right now
2 Comments
3 months in...
Posted:Aug 12, 2018 1:20 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2020 6:19 am
3446 Views

Well, hubby & I are about 3 months into our open marriage and things are going well!!

He's played a few times, and I've come to realize that things I initially thought would bother me (such as where his hookup live in relation to us) really haven't been an issue.

He has had some more trouble adjusting than me, simply because he still doesn't believe I separate sex and emotion as good, if not better, than he does. We met on Meelp, so it's easy to see where he's coming from.

His biggest problem has been the fact that I've mentioned multiple times that I need some kind of mental connection in order to hook up with someone. In his head, that means I'm wanting the kind of friendship and bond that we share - this couldn't be further from the truth!! What I mean is that I need to be able to laugh & joke & have a conversation with someone. Once he got that figured out, he's felt a bit better, I think.

Our sex life has gotten so much more fun!!! We flirt more, fuck more, and generally have a better time in bed than we've had since we moved in together!! It's been wonderful!

I'm slowly starting to figure our a bit better what I'm looking for and what I'm interested in. I'm still not 100% comfortable sharing that with hubby, but I'm getting better at it. And practice makes perfect, right!?

I'm really pleased that we ventured down this path and I'm looking forward to what the future holds!
1 comment
The Beginning
Posted:May 29, 2018 5:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2019 10:00 am
3848 Views

Open Marriage - a concept I'm not unfamiliar with, having "grown up" in BDSM circles throughout my sexual awakening, but not something I ever thought I'd find myself in.

I think one of the most devastating realizations any woman can have is the fact that her man is cheating on her; I can't fully describe with words how soul crushing it is. The hard part is coming to the understanding that he really does love you, but that you're not enough and never will be. How do you not take something like that personal?

The first time I found out, he promised me upside down and sideways it would never happen again. We went to marriage counseling. We did everything we were supposed to do to shore up our relationship and move on. And we did! Until I started noticing those little subtleties again about a year later. This time, I was just pissed.

What was I going to do? Leaving and losing half my family was not an option, but I've always thought those women who "stayed for the " were complete idiots. You can't ever understand someone's reasoning until you find yourself in their situation. And here I was - about to stay solely for my . After several very tense weeks, my husband and I finally had one hell of a come to Jesus meeting where he disclosed everything - and I do mean everything - from start to finish.

Throughout the conversation, I realized something that in truth I'd always known; I'm just not enough for him. He absolutely loves me, he's an amazing father, he's my best friend, and I don't want to ever be married to someone else - but he has an itch that I just can't scratch....and strangely enough, I'm perfectly okay with that. In fact, I don't want to scratch that itch! So, what next?

To me, having been involved in the BDSM lifestyle the better part of my life, the answer was obvious; we needed to open our marriage. I naively believed this would be an easy, natural transition. And for me, the first time he went to go meet someone, it was. For him, not so much. It's been rough, to say the very least.

There are so many emotions that go along with this that somehow, I never knew existed. Jealousy, anger, unease, happiness, etc., are all part and parcel with what I've signed up for. What surprised me was that they're on HIS end, not mine. Now granted, I'm not dumb enough to believe I'll never have those feelings, but for right now I'm kind of reveling in the fact that we've found a singular area of our lives where my compartmentalization skills are better than his.

This is going to be a wonderful journey if we play our cards right, and I'm very excited for what the future holds. Openness, communication, trust, honesty, and a lot of love - that's the relationship I signed up for and it's the one we're working so hard at achieving now.
3 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
What's in a schedule? (1)Notaname99
Jan 29, 2021 7:21 am
The Lost Art of Flirting (4)positively4you
Jan 19, 2021 7:44 pm
What is a BBW? (8)Looking4FWB6258
Oct 16, 2020 7:14 pm
Our busy life (4)ClandestineFun20
Apr 6, 2020 6:51 pm
3 months in... (2)Buford5
Dec 4, 2018 7:00 pm
The Beginning (5)gootman4u
May 29, 2018 8:10 pm