Overweight, ugly, balding, boring, lazy, useless twat looking for a really hot chick with a decent set of norgs with boing boing nips, who doesn't like to talk much and wants me to use her as my own peral masturbation aid. Also, she must be prepared to constantly tell me how massive my petite little pencil dick is. I'm pretty fussy so you're probably not my type, however if you send me a photo of your pussy when it's receptive and open, I promise I'll look into it. No ugo's or porker's need apply. Also, I'm married and I ain't leaving my wife because someone has to be there to scrub the s marks out of my undies, and pop the massive zits that riddle my arse, back and face.

My Ideal Person My ideal person would be me, but as it's not possible to fuck myself, I'll consider you if you meet my criteria.